Wednesday, December 20, 2006

What's wrong with this picture?
  • You get about 300 readings on one 9V battery (included); alternatively, it plugs into a dashboard power socket with an included DC adapter.
  • Remember: Never drink and drive.

a holly jolly Christmas

I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.

No, not that kind.

I just go insane at Christmas time. More than any other time, Christmas is when I feel my OCD tendencies come out. I find myself baking at 2am, returning to stores for tiny, insignificant items that suddenly feel indispensable, frantically scribbling Christmas cards. I feel like Liv Tyler in Empire Records, when she has made cupcakes in addition to being a crazy pre-Harvard student and she tells Renee Zellweger (not skinny yet) "Daddy says there are 24 usable hours in every day." Then you find out she is a speed freak. The truth is that ANYONE who is that manic about getting things done and doing them perfectly right acts like a speed freak without the drugs. I hardly even drink caffeine anymore (despite being oh so exhausted) and last night, after going to work at 8:15, eating lunch at my desk, leaving at 6, driving straight to the mall, then to Whole Foods, then to Target, then home at 10pm, the latter entirely without sustenance despite the allure of Panda Express in the food court, I was acting like a total spaz. I chatted nonstop to (at) my roommates for half an hour and then when it occurred to me that I should eat something, I started hacking at my half-stale loaf of sourdough with a pathetically ineffective Ikea knife that was never intended for bread, much less the crusty kind. Kelly was looking at me like she thought I was going to whack her with the knife.

I don't really know when this happened, but I can remember distinctly the first year I went crazy for Christmas shopping - either my freshman or sophomore year of college. I remember coming home for the break and going to the mall and being overwhelmed by the wealth of things I wanted to buy for people and share with people. I spent far too much money. I can't remember anything I bought.

But it's only getting progressively worse. Last year, I baked cookies and mailed them off to deserving families. This year, I baked them for my boss and coworker and the lady who is coming to catsit. And oh yes, the gift I got for the catsitter is out of control. It started as cookies and some other snackables and has turned into a full on gift food basket. Once you start, you cannot stop.

I'd like to share other stories of this insanity but it's still before Christmas so I can't divulge the details. Let it just be said that I have mailed off more than thirty Christmas cards. I have received two thrilled responses from friends who were happy with the card and with me getting in touch. I made pumpkin bread last week, which was mostly consumed by Kelly and Ravi, but I gave half a loaf to the single man who lives down the hall, and he responded by leaving us a card with warm wishes. THAT is why I go insane this time of year - it's like I am in an abusive relationship with Christmas. I do so much for it and it gives me moments of cheer. At least until the shopping mania is over, and then I can just relax and enjoy.

Friday, December 15, 2006

This is actually really clever - it's a game! Click on it!

My score at the moment is 11/20. I'm still thinking about the rest of them.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

So I thought this was going to be kind of lame, except I really do agree with this part:

45 Year Old College Student with Two Kids
The 45 Year Old College Student with Two Kids is one of the more interesting personas found in the college classroom. This subject has returned to school in an attempt to better her life, which is a great endeavor. However, there are a few things about this person that will make you want to punch her in the face by the end of the semester. The 45-year-old college student with two kids must write down every word the professor says. This will cause the class to be peppered with calls of "can you repeat that" approximately every 0.23 seconds. Second, she must ask the most obvious questions, preferably ones the professor has already answered. Here’s an example:

Professor: So, in 1776 the Declaration of Independence was written.
Old student: Okay, let me make sure I’m writing this down correctly. The Declaration of Independence was written in 1776, right?
Professor: 30 seconds of blank stare followed by: Yes.

If you are lucky enough to be in a small class where participation is required, you’ll be treated to such delights as "Well I have two kids and I think that [insert obvious statement here]" or "Ever since I’ve had my two kids, [insert fragmented sentence here]." As an added bonus, you’ll get to hear about all of her life experiences as a parole officer and about her last 5 marriages that ended in divorce.
Matt Saracen and Julie were watching The Office on yesterday's ep of Friday Night Lights.

Reason something like 849302 why I love them both.

"This whole thing between Julie and I."
"It's Julie and me."
"It's a common mistake."

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Adventures in Coffee Consumerism

I was driving back from Border's tonight and felt like I wanted a Starbucks. I parked and sat in the car for a minute and thought to myself, "Do I really want Starbucks? It's cold outside, so I should get a hot drink, but I'm feeling like I want something refreshing."

Got out of the car. Walked in, thinking "Maybe I should get tea."

Decided buying tea at Starbucks was stupid since I have tea at home.

Walked up to the counter.

Thought, "Maybe chai tea. That would be unusual and different."

Realized I have mix for chai tea at home, and milk, and could easily make that for myself.

Guy at the counter asked what I wanted.

Realized I didn't want anything since everything I kind of wanted was stuff I could make at home.

Hesitated. Considered leaving. Couldn't quite face the weirdness of ditching the guy at the counter.

Ordered a peppermint mocha, nonfat, with no whip and just one pump of peppermint syrup.

Mocked myself silently.

Got peppermint mocha, sipped it, enjoyyyyyyed it.

Starbucks wins in the end.
Check out the migration of Solbergs across the country. (I would show you the Woods, but it's not as interesting.) Look at all those peeps in the Dakota territories!

Christmas fun

You know, when I was your age, we called this a survey, not a meme...

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Egg nog, 1/4 of a cup, once a year. Really. Just had it yesterday.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Santa does all of it, obvi. His elves also make all the toys.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored. White are lame and annoying.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? I bought it a couple times a few years in a row in middle school, I don't really know why.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Now, I don't. But usually it's after I harass my parents to do it.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Molasses cookies!

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Waking up really early and opening my stocking before everyone else got up. Then waiting for everyone else to join. Also, memory of Tippie playing with wrapping paper. And the way the sun shone in my eyes when I sat on the chair facing the tree.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Well, I kinda knew, but it was really a tipoff when I was in the backseat of the car and Mom and Caryl started talking about what to get for stocking stuffers.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes, with extended family. Christmas Day is usually just the four of us.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Mom and I did it last year. It kind of depends... but we have a lot of favorites. No garlands. No icicles really anymore either.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it, mostly. Don't get it.

12. Can you ice skate? A little.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Not a favorite, but I remember when Lucie gave me my first Calvin and Hobbes book - The Authoritative.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Food? Holiday weather?

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Molasses cookies (haha).

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Watching Life of Brian on Christmas Eve.

17. What tops your tree? An angel, somewhat odd given our family beliefs.

18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving? Giving, if I can find a good one.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Hmm... really no idea. I used to like the Little Drummer Boy. Also have a strange affinity for O Holy Night. But really it's the one that the March family sings in the opening scene of the Winona Ryder version of Little Women. Whatever that is.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? LOVE. Especially King Leo. Or Trader Joe's "Joe Joes" with mint. (They are oreos with candy cane bits on them.)

(via Pages Turned)
Ok, this really is kind of genius. Make sure to watch parts 1-3.

(via Mollygood, another blogger - like the Go Fug Yourself girls - who I suspect would be my BFF if I knew her NOT just over the internet.)

Monday, December 11, 2006

So jealous.
My newest Radar piece!

(By the way, in the last line, I meant the Xhilaration section. Not exhilaration. You know I know my Target brands.)

(Also, have you ever noticed how there is no way to type out the word Tar-zhay unless you do it phonetically somehow?)

OC Liveblog 6 - The Summer Bummer

Finally, I managed to download the OC for viewing. Also fortunately, I happen to have two accessible computers – my work computer and my regular one, so I used one to liveblog and it was a real viewing experience on the TV and everything. I am nothing if not classy.

Alright, so, we get straight to the good stuff: Ryan’s fantasies of Taylor sexy-dancing in some Grecian costume to hard rock. No idea what this scene was inspired by, but it’s truly awesome. I feel kind of the way I felt reading Harry Potter 5 – is this really the way men think? (Yeah, oddly enough I thought of that reading Harry Potter. The fifth book was weird.)

Following that brilliant introduction we have the first of many amazing lines in this episode. Sandy holds a bagel in front of Ryan’s face in a fishbowl, saying “I schmeared it for you.” Zoomy faces. Taylor has that affect on you.

Seth enters and informs everyone that he is hopping on a plane to fly to Providence to visit Summer. Guess it’s fine if you tell your parents who are still supporting you that you are flying to the other side of the country with a ticket you just purchased. God, I hate it when money and plane prices are not a factor.

Cut to Summer, who is getting suspended until next fall because she stole a rabbit. Stanford didn’t even kick out the band for vandalizing their Shak, so either Brown is more efficient in punishing student delinquents or this is a fictional show. Who knows at this point.

Despite Paul Rudd being a huge douchebag, Summer sucks it up and takes her punishment. Meekly, she takes down the posters from her wall. This is highly reminiscent of any Felicity episode, pretty much ever. (Wait until moment she finds list of former room residents written in chalk inside the closet. I really miss that show.) Asshole Paul Rudd comes in with his ugly vest and hat and personality. He insists that we have to devour the weaker gazelle for the good of the movement! No remorse. Hate.

I love the Ryan/Taylor thing. I really, really do. By this point, Taylor is soaping up Ryan’s window wearing a wet white dress. Fabulous (except for the line “Are you dirty, Ryan?” which really kind of could have gone unsaid).

Kirsten interrupts Ryan’s reverie wearing a tunic with a huge thick black belt. Ever so up with the modern couture. She wants to be “the new Seth” and let Ryan confide in her. How can she be like Seth? By talking about herself and letting Ryan solve the problem on his own (oh snap). She states the obvious, which is that she knows a lot more about women than Seth will ever know, and then she pulls a Cohen (son, not mother) by making a reference to the vault. So first season. Seriously, did Josh Schwartz hire back old writers or something? This show is really good again!

Kirsten then points out that Ryan should be open to the possibility of something good happening given how he has been shit on in the past. And you know Taylor is way sexier and more interesting than Marissa. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Hottie tennis instructor shows up at “Casa de Cooper” with some snazzy new racket (I don’t speak tennis) for Kaitlin. She attempts to seduce him briefly, making a comment about him helping her with “her stroke.” He tells her to go to high school and date the guys there, to which she responds “you mean boys?” This is a Cher Horowitz disciple if I ever saw one. The whole hottie tennis instructor plot is clearly a bust for Kaitlin.

Taylor shows up at the mall and Ryan, seeing her, runs away. Perhaps it’s the pigtails, Taylor. Might want to rethink that look (perhaps she’s in costume for her job filling in for Seth at the comic shop). She confesses that usually when she kisses a guy he runs away, because she is a bit of a biter. I would expect nothing less. In this torrent of awkwardness, Taylor almost misses Ryan asking her out. She says that her plans for the evening are to update her blog (knew there was a reason I liked her): “Felicity by way of Anais Nin. Erotic memoirs of a soulful college girl.” She also refers to her emotions as an emoticon in real life. Really my kind of girl.

This brings us to maybe the second scene ever featuring Kaitlin interacting with people at high school, which from the looks of it she never really goes to. True to the Newport spirit, they are at a waterpolo match and she is blocking the view of a couple vapid Newport girls. “Do you bitches have a problem?” she says. Kaitlin is also awesome.

“Do you guys think anyone would notice if I sparked a J by the bleachers?” she asks the vapid ones, who point out that it’s illegal (like Kaitin cares). At this point Fake Kaitlin shows up, who has less cool clothes than real Kaitlin but just as much attitude. This is like that brief moment when we had the Taylor v. Marissa competition. The cool outcast girl versus the cool popular crazy girl. Fake Kaitlin is hosting a Super Sweet Sixteen party which everyone wants to be invited to. Life imitates MTV. Or rather, OC imitates MTV, which also imitated the OC. Media is so crazy like that.

Bullet: “Women are well-preserved in this town.” Couldn’t have said it better. He says Kirsten “don’t look much like an eater.” She is a drinker, though. (Formerly, before she became a black hole of interestingness.) He is trying to ingratiate himself to Julie, which is pretty much not happening as she is in possession of a TASER!

Ryan and Taylor are watching some weird Japanese movie when Taylor says, “Did you ever think that decapitation could be so beautiful?” Oh yes, Taylor, you truly are psychotic. “It helps relax me,” she says. Few cute moments of classic high school hitting-on scene with hands in popcorn and Ryan sneaking his arm around Taylor. Who knew he had such issues putting the moves on women? He says he “can’t do this” because “it’s too weird,” which freaks Taylor out because she thinks he means she’s weird (which, um, I have no comment on).

Crossing paths, Summer has arrived in Seth’s room while meanwhile Seth has gone to Brown and is standing in her empty one. She packs fast, apparently. She is now forced to admit that she got kicked out for stealing rabbits. Seth says about Paul Rudd/Che/Benedict Arnold what I’ve been trying to say this entire time: “I knew anyone that sincere is not to be trusted.” He is now on a mission to “avenge her honor” and go “so Ryan Atwood on his ass.” Yes! Do it.

Now, Sandy throws his hat in the ring to be substitute Seth. Somewhere in the lack of helpfulness (so what else is new?), Ryan realizes that maybe the problem is him. I would like to suggest that maybe the problem is Marissa, but I have no voice in this matter. Sandy departs with a crack about reading comics and listening to indie rock. So true.

Seth kicks in Che’s door and says the place “reeks of incense and righteousness.” More slut jokes about Summer’s roommates. Seth discovers disk in Che’s room addressed to him, a video that says “news of Seth’s vendetta has reached his ears.” He has gone underground (I wish he was six feet underground). Summer suggests via phone that he must be with Osama. It is at this point I realize Summer is lying outside in a sleeping bag, communing with nature. She’s changed! Julie Cooper discovers her out there and tries to do her best mom thing. Brief, pointless scene.

Fake Kaitlin distributes her party invitations in public just like all the Sweet 16 bitches, while Kaitlin is smoking (or should I say toking) up a storm behind the wall of the bleachers. So hardcore. Hearing Fake Kaitlin refuse to invite the very girls who had helped her seal the invitations (exactly like all the MTV girls), real Kaitlin offers up another party at her house (with wayyy better drugs, you just know it). Ah yes, I am right, she say she has “5 kegs, a quarter ounce, and absolutely no lame parents.” God knows why she’s doing this, except to make a point?

Hottie Tennis Instructor a.k.a. Bullet’s son shows up at the dating service with like 10 other young studs, who are offering to be the fresh manmeat for the dating service. Julie tries to avoid repaying the Bullet for his favor and only gets herself deeper into trouble by saying she has to go to Sandy and Kirsten’s recommitment ceremony. This is officially the only time the woman has ever avoided dating a man with money.

Ryan finds Taylor at the mall with one of the comic store goons. She appears to be trying to make Ryan feel guilty (or is she serious?) by cozying up with another man. She says “Sounds terrif” – gotta love the abbreviated words. Ryan, you have let another one slip through your fingers by moping. Straighten up and fly right.

Che shows up on Summer’s doorstep to atone for his sins. Again, hate. What is it with these people flying around the country all the time!

WHAT is Kaitlin wearing? A terrible jersey-ish dress thing and leggings, and I think Converse. Annoying. When she makes a comment about a threesome, Julie says “Just how old are you?” which really reminds me that four years ago Kaitlin was obsessed with her pony. I don’t know if the writers ever figured out that timeline.

Che wants to have a “truth circle” on the lawn and when Summer does not respond, he handcuffs her so they can work through their issues.

Taylor walks into her/Summer’s room to find Summer handcuffed to Che. Taylor is way pleased about the handcuffing, proving that she really is as kinky as Ryan would like to think: “Summer Roberts, you learned a few things from that college roommate of yours.”

Summer and Taylor attempt to stop Kaitlin from throwing the party, but of course she doesn’t care because she is, as Sean would say, hardc0r3. She doesn’t care for authority, that one. Che tries to help out with the party spirit by offering to play “festive tribal music” on the didg. Taylor’s comic goon Roger helps out with the kegs, which pisses off Taylor.

Seth returns from the east coast and walks in on Ryan imagining Taylor in rollerskates on his TV. He confesses that he keeps imagining her with a “big bucket of soapy water” which is his way of reminding us that he is an ass man. Another great line. So good, this episode.

Now we know who always threw those drugged-out Newport parties - Kaitlin! Although, since they only seem to have kegs and pot, this is not quite on par with the early parties of season 1 with the cocaine, fresh margs, and copious amounts of hard liquor.

Summer tries to break up a make-out fiesta by saying “Cut it out, I tan on this chair!” Che, good for him, hands out condoms. Wise man, but I still want him dead, or at least gone the way of every Gilmore Girls guest star – gone gone gone.

Kaitlin is officially playing seven minutes in heaven, which I really didn’t know anyone did and which I thought was way too lame for her. She apparently really wants to get laid, because she is trying really hard to make out with this high school kid. Quickly realizes that kid is not so much into women, and her way of telling him is “Sweetheart, you’re so gay.”

Sandy and Kirsten give up on helping Julie and bail on the double date.

Why is it that they always have colored clear plastic cups at these parties instead of the usual red cups?

Ryan, searching for Taylor, discovers Roger in bed with the gay athlete kid. WTF!? Awesome. Turns out Taylor really was trying to make Ryan feel guilty and wasn’t into Roger at all. Ryan’s reaction: “She paid you to pretend to like her? …Sounds like Taylor.” So true. He leaves, saying “Carry on.” My roommate at this point says “I love this show,” which is pretty much the gist of my feelings at this moment.

Seth, not realizing that Summer and Che are chained, pushes Che into the pool. Clever.

Kaitlin discovers Fake Kaitlin at her party (and therefore not at her own): “So you dressed like a ho for no reason.” Fake Kaitlin: “I changed before I came here.” Looks like Kaitlin was just trying to make a point about being nice to your friends, which is interesting because she doesn’t have any and isn’t nice to anyone. But she sure knows how to play the ethical line.

Kaitlin calls the police to report her own party because her work is done. She’s like the guardian angel of Newport, or the guardian devil or something.

Summer and Che hug it out, by which I mean Summer says she accepts his apology and Che cries like a baby. Turns out Che is a spoiled brat. He has a driver, and Che is short for Winchester. He totally would have lived in a coop at Stanford and been one of those rich hippies. Hate even more.

Ryan confronts Taylor about the Roger thing, and she says “What if I did rent a homosexual for the evening?” Excellent. Ryan tells her he isn’t ready for a relationship and Taylor responds “Just because I want to use your body as a jungle gym doesn’t mean I want to get married.” Ah, Taylor. Ryan is so cute when he’s flattered by someone who knows how to express her feelings (however weird they may be). They are going to have their seven minutes in heaven. Yes, awesome, except I think that means we don’t get to watch. Damn.

I’m pretty sure the exact same character of the Bullet exists on Ugly Betty except he managed to hook up with Vanessa Williams after a few tequila shots. He was slightly less annoying on that show. And a little more subtle, although Bullet has a good line when he talks to Julie about breakfast: “So, should I call you or nudge you?”

Bullet attempts to make up for his bad behavior by having a justice of the peace show up at the Cohens’ to renew their vows. Ok, this plot is kind of lame, moving on.

Strange Garden state moment with Kaitlin in the middle of the room watching things get cleaned up around her house and watching the cops kick everyone out (she doesn’t appear to be getting in trouble for this whole party thing – guess she hid all the pot). She cleans up Luke’s brother’s face, which had been written on. She has a heart!

Turns out Julie is a pimp! She has apparently set up a network of young men to prostitute themselves out to older “well preserved” Newpsies. You knew she’d find her way back into illegal business somehow.

Seth proposes putting off RISD for yet another semester, which officially puts the entire OC crew in Newport for the rest of the 13-episode season. It had to happen somehow, but it did happen pretty naturally (and over the span of 6 episodes) so it doesn’t feel that forced. I can accept this.

Since I had to download it this time, I had to find the preview for next week on YouTube, and it looks to be… um… bizarre. A spoof of It’s a Wonderful Life? Reaalllly.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I'm kind of uncomfortable with this whole concept of Heroes comics that go deeper than the show. I get that it's "crossplatform" or whatever - the way you'd make a Disney book, movie, toy, etc. all at the same time - but I feel like it takes away the mystery and it also takes away the suspense. In comics, you see the whole page laid out before you read it - so you naturally see the progression of a scene ahead of time. But the show isn't like that - you can't see ahead.

So basically, NBC has built in spoilers to their own show on their own website. What's that all about?
This may be the weirdest thing I've ever seen on YouTube.

It gets even weirder if you look at the guy's other videos... of which there are hundreds. One of them got the comment "This room looks empty... like serial killer empty."

Uh, yeah.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Just saw The Holiday tonight with Becca. It had been a while since I saw a good old fashioned romantic comedy, and this one was alright. It had its bad moments, of course, like anything Cameron Diaz does, and the entire score/soundtrack, but in general I quite enjoyed it. Kate Winslet can, in my opinion, do no wrong, and it was rather refreshing to see Jack Black acting like a normal person (for the most part). There were the cutest little girls I'd ever seen, and plenty of nice England-in-winter shots that got me excited to be going back there (in less than 20 days, oh my God!!!).

What occurred to me partway through was that no one is ever broke in a romantic comedy. Why is that? People who should be broke (low-level newspaper writer, for example) have plenty of money to hop on a plane with a day's notice during the holiday season and fly off to another country. This bothers me. No one ever seems to be realistically middle class in a romantic comedy. If I remember my Bridget Jones correctly, she was broke in the book, but totally fine in the movie. I think in the end this is partly why I love High Fidelity so much, because Rob actually faces money problems and that's half of why he and Laura have problems in the first place. Name me a romantic comedy with a poor protagonist. Really. Go.
Just for posterity, the original Taylor Townsend article, before editing:

If you are one of the five people who continue to tune into the OC every Thursday, then perhaps you will have noticed that there is a new woman in town. I don’t mean Kaitlin Cooper, although she certainly has done her bratty best to beef up the show’s ratings. No, I’m talking about Taylor Townsend (Autumn Reeser), Newport’s favorite overachieving, French-speaking, fake sleep therapist. Taylor has been a star of the show ever since her attempts last season to steal Marissa’s spotlight and Summer’s boyfriend, but this season she’s come into her own.

The past two episodes, Taylor has tried her best to capture Ryan’s stoic heart, still bruised from Marissa’s bony elbows and melodrama. Fortunately for us, it seems that Taylor is having some success. Although her attempts to woo Ryan with Chinese herbal tea fell through, her sexy red dress, ability to read his mind, and just plain ballsiness seem to be doing the trick. Taylor manages to embody in one woman the geeky bravado that Seth once possessed and the flair for taking charge that we’re used to seeing in Summer (a talent that has now been put to work releasing rabbits and getting kicked out of Brown for associating with naked didgeridoo-playing hippies). She’s consistently been the funniest part of every episode, and her over-the-top antics bring a sense of humor back to a show that last season took itself far too seriously.

Perhaps most importantly, Taylor is exactly what Ryan needs to pull him out of his post-Marissa mope-fest. Taylor can hold her own. She doesn’t need Ryan to save her, so he can put away his suit of shining armor. She has a personality – and the capability of speaking in complete, rapid-fire sentences that rival those of Lorelai Gilmore, a vast improvement over Marissa’s endless series of “Heys” and emotional breakdowns. Last week, when she plaintively owned up to her fear that she could never be like Marissa, I wanted to cheer and cry at the same time. She’s twice the woman Marissa ever was, and it’s about time she got some respect.
Friday Night Lights is really good.

I've been meaning to write about it for a while and haven't been, because I can't quite put it into words. It's kind of a quiet, slow show - not a whole lot happens in each episode, but it all builds into a really great overall story. It's actually realistic, in a lot of ways - it's about real families facing real problems. Most of the people aren't rich, and they are just trying to do the best they can. Plus, whoever the writer is does a great job of inserting little subtle things into the show to give it that extra human touch. There have been three fantastic moments in the past two weeks - one was when Coach Taylor lectured his daughter about sex, one when Matt Saracen (love him) sang to his grandma, and the best was probably when Tim Riggins' brother handed him the bag of peas to put on his beat-up face - the same bag of peas that he and Tim had gotten in an argument about buying earlier in the show. Other classic moments include the Members Only jacket moment in the last episode and the entire character of Smash Parker's sister.

Hey look, even celebrities look frosty and pink when they are cold.

I wish I could go out wearing that funny draping thing Angelina is wearing and not look like a total freak.
I can't decide if I'm excited about this because my Diet Coke will soon contain daily vitamins and minerals, or if I think it's ridiculous along the lines of the Coke that burns calories.
Excuse me, but what the fuck is this shit?

Fox's lauded Myspace Fox On Demand video player is supposed to air all the Fox shows online after they've been on TV. I read all these reviews saying how awesome it was. Plus, they aired the first four episodes of this season's OC before it even premiered on TV.

Now, while the show is floundering in the ratings despite not sucking, you see fit to not put watchable episodes on your stupid website? Fox, I hate you. More importantly, I hate Myspace. It is not the future of my television watching.

All of this is just to say that my computer malfunctioned when it was supposed to be recording the OC, and I was like, ok, no problem, I'll watch it on Myspace, only to find that it was impossible. This is totally ridiculous, really. I literally have never missed an episode of the OC, not even when I was in England and had to wait a week to download episodes after they had aired in the US. I will not let it start now.

But the liveblog will be late this week as I attempt to download the episode online.
This article gives me just a little bit of hope that in five years, I won't feel so guilty about not writing an honors thesis.

Kivetz also interviewed 69 students from Columbia University who had returned one week previously from winter break and found that as a group they were split in roughly equal numbers between regret and contentment for having worked or partied. But when Kivetz talked to alumni who graduated 40 years earlier, the picture was much more lopsided: those who hadn’t partied were bitter with regret, while those who had were now thrilled with their choice. “In the long run,” Kivetz says, “we inevitably regret being virtuous and wish we’d been bigger hedonists.”

This behavior, Kivetz theorizes, is due to the nature of guilt. This emotion is “hot” — it burns brightly but briefly. “Guilt is quick to rise,” he notes, “and quick to fall.”
This is a really cool article in the NYTimes magazine (the magazine is filled with something like 80 cool articles right now about weird sciencey things, or at least I think so, but can't be sure, given that I only read it online in the first place).
Ugh, I admit, I'm intrigued. FitSugar, I grovel just a little bit.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Sometimes, Scrubs really just gets it right, like in this hilarious video. Turk and JD really are a great couple - they just manage to tread the hetero-lifemates line without coming off as homophobic or annoying.
How cool are these?

(via BoingBoing)
Dried blueberries are truly the best thing ever. They are like little raisiny candies. Thank you, breakfast granola bar.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Read me!

I wrote something for Radar magazine (aka Rachel's magazine). Look there because I'm hoping to write more for them in the future.


Monday, December 04, 2006

Tonight was the return of all things I love about Heroes. Mysteries abound, good shit went down (kudos to Niki for turning herself, or Jessica, in), we are left with a big cliffhanger, people may or may not be dying left and right, new powers or power-confounding abilities are revealed, and so on and so on.

My only argument is with the latest marketing scheme - "Just one question... Are you on the list?"

Because we've moved on from saving the cheerleader and now you just have to be cool enough to join the Mutant Party.
This is what the Internet does to us.

When the public says, “Don’t take me there,” that might be exactly where it wants to go.

Think about how much of this was Internet-spun, Internet-driven. At least the Britney (you can't show it on TV). The Anna Nicole (there were totally crazy new developments every day). The OJ rumor broke online but then someone said it wasn't happening. And the Michael Richards video could only be seen in its entirety online (refer to Spears, Britney: vagina).

So, why?

The information glut of the Internet makes it so we feel like we aren't real Americans if we haven't been paying attention to the absurd and horrifying information that proliferates like wildfires on the web. So of course we pay attention. Not only do we like scandals, but we like to be up to date on the news by the minute.

That's your "Duh" soapbox of the day.
Seriously exhausted.

I sat in orientation for most of today and learned a minor amount - mostly because my brain hit overload around 9am, when the whole thing started. I learned that I will be purposefully embarrassed at a company event on Friday (this is called company culture; luckily I don't mind), and I learned how to find my e-mail. And that there is food.

Food is good.

Anyway, I overloaded so fast and didn't even realize it until it was all over - the calm after the storm, I suppose you could say. Then I was whisked away to my new desk and new duties, although it turns out I don't quite have any yet. At the moment, I think I am just supposed to relax and keep my head together and pay attention. I already met more people than I can remember names, and this will only continue as my job picks up and the company expands.

I also learned about the blogging policy, which I tend to stick by, mostly by not writing about the job at all. Someday when I have the energy I'll post on here that the opinions expressed herein are not those of my employer, they are mine and mine alone. I mean post somewhere permanent that won't get archived in two days. But for now, that will have to suffice.

I got home around 7:45pm, which was mostly my own choosing and partly a result of the overload which led me to then sit in the relative calm environment of my desk for longer than I needed to, and was promptly productive and then utterly unproductive. Meaning, I emptied two trashcans, set up a few things to do with my work computer (portable, still incomprehensible), and then settled into some hardcore Google Reader catchup. I seriously have about 300 blog entries to read/skim per day, so I did some hardcore skimming. I have whole systems going on here.

I think my job will go well. I think I'm just tech-savvy enough to have an edge in my department, and I am excited to get started and figure things out. There is a lot to take in, though, so at the moment I am kind of content to sit at home and vegetate. I wrote "vegetable," which is perhaps a sign of my wired brain reaching a dangerous point. So, ta ta for now!
Oh, Curb, what will you do next?

Can't wait for the awkwardest moments on TV to happen with this one.
Yes! Yes!

R Kelly will hopefully soon be trapped in the closet, closet, closet. I cannot wait for this masterpiece to air. The genius that is the hip-hopera, really, you have no idea until you've seen it for yourself. May there be many more chapters to come... and with the creativity exhibited in the last few, you know there will be.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

So, I start a new job tomorrow.

That means less posting, in all likelihood, because a) I'll be more busy and b) I don't want to start off my first week at a new job spending all my time blogging during work. Not to say it won't eventually happen, since my friend Renee who used to work there (at the company-which-must-not-be-named) claims that she spent most of her time at work shopping. (And then added, "But, then again, maybe that's why I never became a permanent employee.) But I'd like to think that I'll be busy enough that I won't blog at work, and I'd also like to think that I'd be dedicated and ambitious enough not to blog at work. Here's hoping.

That said, I also recently got a note from another company I applied for telling me they weren't going to hire me. I'm mildly disappointed, although I knew they weren't going to when I didn't hear back from them and I think this one I've taken is better for me anyway. However, their rejection did light a bit of a fire under me as far as writing more and putting effort into this ol' thing. I think I could have a future as an entertainment/culture writer and I'd like to get as much practice in as I can. I know my posts tend to be a little scatterbrained and rambling, which is sort of the way I am, but hopefully with some effort I can be more focused. Doesn't mean I'll give up my epic OC liveblogs (although the show may end soon enough, so it may not matter) or my brief postings about things in the political or religious sphere that piss me off, but... you have to start somewhere, and I think with practice and effort I could have valuable and interesting things to say.

Is this self-centered? Blogs always are, I know. I feel like my periodic promises that this will be something more than just a ramble, something better, are starting to fall on deaf ears. Perhaps it would be better to just do it instead of warning you that it will happen (like the boy who cried wolf). Still, the other asset of blogs is personality - a human touch out in the vast world of the Internet - what's the point of writing yet another ramble on the Internet if you can't even let a bit of yourself shine through?

So here it is. Another vow to get shipshape, combined with an admission that it might take a little while to get in gear thanks to the new job and new schedule. I'll see you around.
Didn't Jane magazine already do this?

I get the feeling this is a scary, post-40-year-old-Virgin trend.
Hey, look, I am getting dating advice on Yahoo!

Obviously that's not me, but I find it amusing. My family's way of celebrating Christmas is watching Life of Brian and opening gifts and sometimes making pancakes, so there's little fear of a culture clash. Nevertheless, it's funny to think about contradicting holiday traditions. Christmas was such a part of my life growing up that I can't imagine ever being without it. Plus, I am a huge sucker for, you know, sappy Christmas merchandise. I went into Trader Joe's last week and was totally overwhelmed by the number of special holiday cookies and products. I have about 6 Christmas cocktail recipes I want to make, 15 holiday issues of magazines I want to buy and read, and a practically endless list of Christmas cookies I feel compelled to bake. Plus there's the Starbucks overload. The marketing department there has really gone overboard this year - it's not just about red cups anymore, people. It's about Christmas gingerbread (cardboardy), cranberry cake, and a whole spread-the-cheer campaign. Because Christmas isn't just about buying crap you don't need, it's about submitting your holiday traditions to a corporation's website.

I seem to have gotten off-topic, but I really am a sucker for Christmas. I guess that's my point now. (Also some of the holiday traditions are kind of funny.)
Yesterday my roommate and I went to see The Queen. I kind of got into it without entirely knowing what it was about - I knew it was supposed to be good, that's about it. It was really fascinating to watch a movie that was based on events that took place in my lifetime, which I have pretty good memory of. I know this isn't the only movie like that, but it's not just about normal people, it's about prominent public figures that are still live and kicking. For those of you who may not know what it's about, it's basically following Queen Elizabeth II and the royal family (namely, her mother, Prince Philip, and Prince Charles) and Tony Blair in the week following Princess Diana's death. I have decent memories of that time - I remember watching something on TV with my parents when the news interrupted to say that Diana had been in a car accident, and I remember seeing a lot of specials about the fairy-tale wedding, I remember Diana's brother's speeches, and I remember seeing photos of all the flowers collecting outside of the Buckingham Palace gates, but since I was only 13 at the time and since I didn't live in England, I obviously missed out on some of the subtleties. For example, I have no recollection of Tony Blair at all, partly because I don't think I paid much attention to international news at the time, and partly because I don't think I paid attention to Tony Blair until he became Bush's ally against Iraq (or, in other words, I didn't pay attention to him until nobody liked him). And I had no idea of the apparent conflict in England over the royal family's lack of response to Diana's death. But apparently it happened.

The movie's treatment of the entire situation was really fascinating. Helen Mirren's Queen Elizabeth II was this strange mix of (dare I say it) spoiled royal and self-sufficient, powerful woman. She has people opening doors for her and answering phones and catering to her whim, and yet she drives off with her dogs in a Land Rover in the middle of the Scottish countryside, all by herself, rumbling across a river and getting stuck in the mud. She is clearly passionate but so, so, reserved, the way you think of an English queen. The movie in a way was as much a study of the English people, the monarchy, the myth and tradition surrounding the monarchy, as it was of the Queen herself, but when you get to the end you really do understand that the Queen's character really sums it all up for you. Such a well-done movie - not a lot happens, but so much really transpires just below the surface, and it made me curious about Queen Elizabeth II and her history and personality. Not only was it beautiful and sad, but it was also occasionally hilarious, as it shone light on the monarchy the way you don't see. Because it is this antiquated concept - this royal family so removed from their constituents that they basically don't have constituents - such things are left to "the government" as though the royals aren't even part of it at all. But it continues to exist, Buckingham Palace in the middle of this modern city - and I thought the movie did an excellent job of highlighting the irony of that position.

The other funny angle of seeing this movie is that I'm currently stubbornly working my way through a book that touches on some of the same subjects, with perhaps a little more defined humorous take on the matter. It's called Freddy and Fredericka, and the gist of it is that a somewhat old-fashioned Prince of Wales happens to be married to a media-loving modern princess. She can do no wrong no matter what bungles she makes, but he is skewered by the press and the sanity and relevance of the royal family is called into question. When I started reading it, I didn't make the connection to the Charles and Diana story, but the beginning of The Queen sort of shocked me into realizing that, to the royal family, Diana was perhaps not as idolized as she was by the media and the rest of the world, and so they must have been an inspiration for the book I'm reading. (Hey, I never said I was totally informed.) There's even a Camilla Parker Bowles caricature in the character of Phoebe Boylinghotte. Anyway, this has lit a new fire under me to pursue the rest of the book, which is quite random and farcical and strange, but it's kind of like I'm reading an alternate history of the modern British monarchy, so I'm now officially interested.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Sneak peek scenes from next week's (Monday's!) episode of Heroes. I like the moment where Claire says "I've died before. It's no big deal." I should hate Hayden Panettiere for being yet another young Hollywood starlet (dating Stephen from Laguna Beach), but I don't because I like her as Claire too much.

OC Liveblog 5 - Sleeping Beauty

Seth and Ryan have active evenings. Ryan watches Bollywood because he’s apparently insomniac, but Seth needs to keep him company because he has dreams about Summer marrying Ralph Nader. Apparently Ryan is capable of finding lots of Bollywood movies at his local Hollywood Video. Who knew there were this many unique world movies available in Newport? Here I thought Orange County was a cultural wasteland.

Seth inserts his first Borat reference of the show with a nice “Nice,” then exits when his dad comes in. Sandy’s sweater matches his water bottle, and he is a surfer stud. Kirsten, bringing up the dating service for the second time this season (it is her livelihood, after all), says she needs a new slogan for “New Match.” I think she needs a new name for the service but who am I. Taylor shows up coincidentally in a hot little black number and primps her way to the poolhouse to deliver some coffee to sexy Ryan without a shirt. Girl has a major jones for the Ryan. This plotline is fabulous and Taylor looks very good in the Newport sunlight, a fact that seems to be escaping Ryan. Taylor has not stopped smiling this entire time, another reason why I love her. She doesn’t break down under pressure.

She says “I have never appreciated how funny Ryan is,” tipping the parents off to her new infatuation. Come on Taylor you are more subtle than this! Actually you aren’t, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the wits to win your man. Do it!

Julie has slutted it up with a Ryan lookalike, slightly slimmer of course. Caitlin is on to her, and eating breakfast, once again driving home the unbelievable premise in Newport that everyone wakes up early enough to eat full meals before going to work or school because apparently they don’t sleep.

Taylor runs to Seth for help nailing Ryan (yes, I said nailing, I feel like it’s appropriate here). Her bangs are not looking so hot, but she is quick to catch Seth in an evasive “Ah” maneuver – she is rather self-aware, that one. She admits to a “psychological predilection to become romantically attachéd to men who are nice to me” and her Gilmore-girls-speed-speech wears Seth down to the point where he’s willing to give in. This strange mall where Ryan works has never before appears on the OC and I have a feeling that it’s an entirely new set (cheaper, to make up for terrible ratings). They sure run through their local hangouts fast around here. Seth calls Ryan and asks him if he’s ready to date again. He doesn’t know. Thank you for that absorbing plot moment.

Seth tells Taylor not to get involved with Ryan cause he’s an insomniac mess which, naturally, gives her an idea. Taylor, like Summer, is never without a plan.

Meanwhile, Summer and Paul Rudd sneak into a lab with little rabbits in cages, scoping out the scene for a breakout. Summer’s pseudonym is Betty and Paul’s is Lou. Yes, this is a kind of weak plotline. Moving on.

Caitlin hits on her tennis instructor. She is in really good shape – better than Marissa I think because it looks legit like she works out and doesn’t just starve herself. Tennis instructor is hot piece of man meat causing Julie to say “Easy girl,” which is the second use of that line in the episode. Good times. Spencer is NOT a hot name, I’m sorry to say, but that does not affect Julie cause she is ready to go play tennis with the hottie.

Kirsten has a new office that looks just like the old Newport Group office and is decorated with Ikea chic – the mark of any good startup company. Apparnetly they are in a bad spot because some other Laguna dating service is selling out to a company with more money. Yippee, Sandy is hooking her up with some tax fraud type, cause you know, they haven’t done enough dirty business in this office.

Summer and Paul Rudd bust into the rabbit lab to break out the rabbits from their cage. Apparently Paul Rudd is going to Pied Piper these little bunnies all the way out. Apparently on campus guerrillas have headlamps. The rabbits are not at all interested in the flute playing a la Dwight Shrute.

Indie reader Ryan is reading Twilight of the Superheroes, having replaced Seth as the nerdy trendsetter. Taylor hits him up with her foolproof advice for treating sleep disorders and makes him promise to meet her at the diner. Where is she sleeping again? The Coopers'? It looks like she’s in Summer’s old bed. Again, why are these people never too busy to meet for brunch?

Another strange indie placement for Indie 103.1 on Taylor’s 6am alarm – a real radio station but I’ve never heard anything on it and I doubt Taylor listens to it (then again I’ve never listened to it at 6am).

Taylor gets straight to business asking how much of the insomnia is related to Marissa and he says it started after Thanksgiving. Her vocabulary is pretty good, as is her analysis of Ryan only sleeping because in the morning he could look forward to killing Volchek. Open-eyed stares, Taylor, are not subtle. Professionalism, my friend. You can do it!

Julie and Caitlin do doubles with Spencer the tennis instructor and Julie is hopping her way around while Caitlin sucks it up hardcore to a peppy cover of Modest Mouse “Float On.” I love Caitlin, she really does not let her mom get away with shit and tosses Julie’s racket over the fence. Creepy mother-daughter conflict over the guy.

Sandy hangs out with the tannest orangiest person ever on this television show, with a nice Texan accent. I suppose this is the person he wants to fund Kirsten’s company. Tan Texan apparently hates all races besides his own orange one, crying “Shiite Muslims” when he makes a good golf swing. Sandy’s just trying to get his cash.

Seth tells Ryan he was into recycling before it was cool, proving his cred once again and is counting down til the day he can call Summer again, who we haven’t seen in a while. He is pissed with Taylor for using Ryan’s weakness to get closer to him, and Taylor thinks he just doesn’t think she’s good enough because “she’s no Marissa.” She is twice the woman Marissa ever was!

Summer’s outfit is super cute but her roommate’s is really annoying. Nice big heart earrings, Megan from Felicity (thanks Kelly). Summer learns from the roommate that the rabbits were actually just being observed for social habits or some such and also that the Dean’s Office called to see both her and Paul Rudd. Apparently they were picked out of a Facebook lineup (nice). Paul calls her Caterpillar, which is, um, awful. He really is like a B character from Felicity. Why! Why! Summer has the fat rabbit under her bed which is not at all incriminating.

Caitlin, with her bathing suit about a millimeter above her pubic hair, discovers her mom has stolen her hottie tennis man. Welcome to Marissa’s world, my friend. Julie is kind of a skank.

Taylor decks Ryan’s bedroom out in candles and wears only leggings and a PJ top. Apparently people sleep better with warm bodies next to them – it’s “completely nonsexual.” Subtlety, Taylor. She manages to do a good job dissembling when Ryan calls her on her shit and luckily she’s so nutso to begin with he kind of has to take her at her word. Massage begins. Cut!

Next morning, Seth comes in to Ryan’s room to discover only Taylor hanging in her koala PJ top. Is it a koala? Can’t tell. Ryan returns from a jog and apparently he did not sleep all night, just read in the chair. Taylor slacked on her job and slept all night. Ryan as usual says he needs to go through it on his own. Stay strong, Taylor! You can do it. You are cleverer than this.

CAITLIN STOP WEARING SHIT THAT LOOKS LIKE IT CAME FROM LINDSAY LOHANS LAUNDRY! Apparently Julie is actually going to this charity where she’s being delivered like a lamb to the Tan Texan slaughter, and Caitlin invites herself and “someone who can drive,” aka the Hottie Tennis Instructor. Trouble is brewing.

Summer owns up to the bunny stealing, but won’t turn in Paul Rudd. She can’t betray the new her, apparently, which means not betraying “the movement” and didgeridoo jams.

Taylor jacked Caitlin’s bee pheromones lipgloss, which is an excuse for them to talk. These two are like my favorite pair on the show. Taylor asks Caitlin’s advice, which is to “dress up fabulous and go someplace you’ll know he’ll be there.” Apparently Taylor has a great butt that she is not using to her advantage. I want more Caitlin and Taylor time! However, this scene should be more ironic give how Caitlin is sincere about 1 day a year.

At the endless charity, Julie is patient with the orange Texan while Ryan is bored. Taylor shows up in red, always a nice touch if you are in a black and white party or Schindler’s List. I can’t believe I just made that joke. Taylor whips around to show off the ass and we learn after three years of Ryan dating Marissa the Assless Wonder that he IS an ass man.

Turns out hottie tennis instructor is actually Orange Texan’s son, so Julie is in a bit of a pickle and so is New Match.

Seth and Sandy have a little man to man where Sandy says Ryan needs Taylor’s touch (and oh, does he). Seth perhaps reconsiders the anti-Taylor mission, which is probably just him being angry about not having a girlfriend and losing an ex-crusher to Ryan. Ryan and Taylor have a nice dance where Ryan makes a real joke – it’s nice to see him do that sometimes. Seth steps up with the joking support to Ryan for the Taylor thing, and Ryan puts his foot in his mouth as only people who are not Ryan usually do. Taylor overhears and bails, forcing Ryan to chase her. While admitting she has a problem liking men who are nice to her, Taylor’s psych analysis of Ryan (he can’t get emotionally close to anyone again so soon after Marissa) once again proves correct and shows that she perhaps is better for Ryan than he knows yet.

Caitlin and Julie hash it out over the whole Bullet (apparently that’s Tan Texan’s name)/Hottie Tennis Instructor issue.

Turns out Paul Rudd has no principles and told the board that Summer was the one who did all the sabotage that semester. She might get kicked out of Brown – which would really bring her back to Newport for more slackage, just like everyone else. I doubt that would happen cause even now I have faith that Josh Schwartz won’t cop out on me.

Caitlin basically pimps out her mom to Tan Texan, who changes his mind about the monetary support for the New Match thing after all, and Julie and Caitlin hit up the hot guy at the ice cream store. Like mother, like daughter.

Seth comes home to call Summer to find Taylor in his room with a tin of Chinese tea to stop insomnia. Seth says “I never thought I’d see you quitting,” trying to “Jedi mind trick” her into, well, not quitting. You know, it’s called reverse psychology. Taylor leaves, and Seth answers the first phone call from Summer all year, thank God for asshole hippies for brining this couple back together. She doesn’t tell him about the whole being-kicked-out-of-Brown thing, just about the fat rabbit.

Taylor brings Ryan the tea and he says she is amazing and he “wishes he did feel something” for her. Taylor says that if he kisses her, he’ll feel it. This girl has balls, really. Seriously, this plotline is awesome. They kiss, obvi, and Taylor runs off, leaving Ryan saying “Whoa” alone in his room. And falling asleep, so turns out true love solves all.

Next week: Ryan daydreams about a sexy, stripteasing, soapy Taylor. Really.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Hilarious fake promo video for the Merger episode of the Office (Thanks Sean!).
Damn the man. Save the Empire Newport.

(via TVSquad)
This is pretty damn funny. I really have never had any interest in reading Mitch Albom and this clinches it.
I originally didn't want to go to Stanford cause I was "over" palm trees. Too many of them in LA, too many of them badly taken care of, especially the ones next door.

I guess times change. I like eucalyptus way better, anyway.

(Meant to post this way earlier, but didn't.)
The OC liveblog is yet to come, but in the meantime I'd like to offer up a few observations about the Office last night (inspired by a conversation I'm currently having with Kelly):

You could really tell that last night was written by the Office UK team. Not that the Office isn't awkward enough on it's own, but I could just picture Ricky Gervais donning a doo-rag a la "Prison Mike." That entire scene was straight outta London, if you catch my drift (and how can you not, when I use the worse pop cultural references in the most obvious ways). When Prison Mike called Ryan the "belllllle of da ballll" I pretty much wanted to die, and Ryan did too. Ryan hasn't had a whole lot of moment this season since the episode that where he goes on a sales call with Dwight, but that was more spotlight than he needed.

My favorite moment of the show, though, has to be the moment where Toby talks Michael down and gets him to open the door. It's the only moment in the show that Michael has not hated Toby and I think it was nicely, subtly done. No one made a big deal about it (the Office never makes a big deal about anything), but Toby was gentle with Michael and I thought it was a brilliant scene - exactly the kind of thing I expect from the bestest show on TV.

I could go on, about Jim's chair-swirl-and-raised-eyebrows-look just after Andy asks Pam out, or about Pam's reaction to Andy asking her out or to his banjo playing which pretty much killed me, or about Jim not letting Karen in on the Pam prank, or about Angela telling Dwight "not to encourage him" during the Prison Mike scene (yeah Dwangela), but I won't. It's just too good. I want to watch it again.


I just e-mailed this to Dad because I wasn't going to blog about it, but then I took a closer look at the press release dealie at the top:

For hundreds of years, great preachers and teachers have used stories from contemporary culture to illustrate biblical themes. Jesus was the master storyteller: communicating profound truth through parables - short, simple, everyday stories that pack a punch.

(Interruption: Pack a punch, get it? I'm glad you can inform pastors what parables are.)

When Rocky Balboa opens on Dec 22, 2006, you too can punctuate your sermons and talks with a powerful punch! Rocky is tailor-made for teaching the biblical themes of courage, integrity, faith, and victory!

Oh, yes. How I have not posted the trailer for Rocky Balboa yet I really can't believe. Sylvester Stallone was so aware of the potential mocking this film would receive, he built the mocking into the film with the storyline of Rocky coming out of retirement to fight a young boxer in his prime. Yes! This is even funnier than Indiana Jones and the Ravages of Time, starring a, um, older Harrison Ford. Anyway, I guess I'm fine with preachers using whatever parables they like, but I'm allowed to laugh.

(Also, in another case of life imitating art, Keisha Castle-Hughes, the 16 year old playing Mary in The Nativity Story, is pregnant. God has not been reached for comment.)
Things like this crack me up. I just love the idea of Will Ferrell and Al Gore giggling over how much of a moron L.Lo is. Al and Ben Affleck, on the other hand? Attack of the square faces and wooden speeches! A natural combination.

Lohan was shunned at the glittering affair by other celebs who are tired of her bratty antics and bad work ethic. Overhearing her tirade about Biel's assistant, Will Ferrell turned to DiCaprio, Gore and Affleck and said, "Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?" - setting off laughter.

Thursday, November 30, 2006


Does anyone remember Joey Potter's two singing episodes on Dawson's Creek? You know, the one where she sang "On My Own" from Les Miserables and Dawson discovered, like, how hot she was? And then the other brief period where she was in Chad Michael Murray's band during season 5? And she tried to sing rock songs? And she sucked? Yeah, well, fans of Joey Potter's vocal stylings will really like this.

Triple booking my Tivo

Tonight is gonna be bad. Very bad.

Let me show you how:
8pm - Ugly Betty
8:30pm - OFFICE!
9pm - Scrubs
9pm - Grey's Anatomy
9pm - The OC

I have an elaborate scheme worked out that should be okay, but which will, in all likelihood, stress me out so much that I'll be thankful when the OC finally just bites the dust (in, what, 9 episodes?).

Scheme is: Tivo the Office, obvi. Watch Ugly Betty online (as well as, um, the last two episodes that I totally have not watched yet). Tivo Scrubs (we have roommate agreements. We share Tivo). Tivo Grey's on Friday night (because it doesn't steal enough of the nation's audience just on Thursday). Tivo The OC on my computer. Which makes liveblogging difficult.

Anyway, there is not much reason to blog this except that I am mentally organizing my life right now and figured I'd share with you how complicated life really is when you only have a single-tuner Tivo and a serious addiction to seriously bad television.
Memorizing 100 poems in a year... which would you pick?

Maybe I wouldn't memorize them, but I would like to read a poem a day. I feel like it would be good for me.

(via Bookninja)
Oh yeah, I've been meaning to post about this for at least a week.



Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I refuse.
Wacky Public Service Announcement!

It's like spraypaint, for your penis!

Now something new and fun for sexually active high schoolers to mess around with (just like that glittery body spray)!

body count

Hours: 6
Episodes of TV: 6
Episodes of Top Chef: 1
Members of Top Chef cast I don't hate yet: 3 (out of 10)
Members of Top Chef cast I'm preparing to hate: 2 (in addition to 7 already hated)
Times I use the word "douchebag" in reference to Top Chef: countless
Times I say "I love Tom Calicchio, even though he is a douchebag": ditto above
Episodes of Friday Night Lights: 1
Lines of blog entry I would devote to Friday Night Lights if I wasn't committed to this format of numbering: lots
Lines of future blog entry detailing why I love Friday Night Lights: unknown
Episodes of 24 (1st season, 1st DVD): 4
Moments Kelly had to avert her eyes from gory 24 scenes: at least 2.
Attempts/wishes to go to Blockbuster to rent 2nd 24 DVD: 1 (encompassing 1 hour)
Potential hours of sleep lost should Blockbuster plan not given way to sense: 4
References to those times I loved/obsessed over Alias: countless
References to time I watched Alias for 10 hours straight with Xtina: 1
References to how I can't trust anyone on 24 because of something I saw on Alias once: at least 2 per episode
Jack Bauer's body count: Lost count already.
Jack Bauer's resemblance to my friend Santiago: Lost count already.
Bottle of wine: 3/4 finished.

In other words, I am a wine wimp but a TV stud.
I'm primarily posting this for Dad's benefit, but it is pretty hilarious.

(Via TVgasm)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

And, oh yeah, rage.

Bill O'Reilly revived the "war" on Christmas and declared that "[m]aybe the imams who got thrown off the plane [would] shop" at the home furnishings retailer Crate & Barrel because it has a policy of saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." O'Reilly also declared that Christmas is "a secular holiday" that "honors the birth of Jesus. ... And the reason it does is because Jesus was a philosopher," but "you can have a religious connotation to the holiday if you choose to."

You really don't need to read the whole article.

I shouldn't bother reading anything about O'Reilly or getting mad because I keep telling myself he is just one person who happens to be on national TV and really do I need to waste my time being that angry at one idiot who wants to be inflammatory? No, I don't.
Ugh, can we talk briefly about Heroes?

It's awesome. It's not as awesome as The Office but it's definitely the second best show on TV... or, it was, until 8 days ago when they aired the "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World" episode.

I don't know why people keep saying that episode was good because, well, it wasn't. Nothing really happened and half of the good characters weren't in it, and it ended really anticlimactically. Sylar is totally easily done in by Eden's SuperPersuasionPower, which makes me wonder why we were worried about him in the first place. Was it all a ploy on the part of Horn-Rimmed Glasses (Mr. Bennett to those non-TVgasm readers) to sapture Sylar to use him for his own sneaky plot? Why does HRG surround himself with evil(ish) mutant/heroes and freak out about his daughter? Anyway, suffice it to say that last week I was not impressed. Not worth the hype. (First of all, which cheerleader were they supposed to save? Claire, or her bitchy friend who died against the locker? I don't see this as so much saving.)

But then I decided, well, NBC's promotions are always letdowns. I remember when I used to watch ER and they would always have these promos -






with words appearing on thes creen, scary Law&Order type music emphases in the background, and then you tune in on Thursday at 10 and someone gets shot in like, the foot, and no one dies. Come on! So I was hoping that this week's Heroes would make up for last week's lackluster.

No such luck. There were some good juicy bits - namely all the flashbacks, the 6-months-earlier things, where we get to see people's backgrounds. Unlike Lost's flashbacks, these were pretty explanatory - they really did cover almost all the bases (although Niki/Jessica's storyline is not only confusing me but also pissing me off and I want it to end) and they kind of cleared up a lot of little mysteries while adding more and showing how the heroes' powers all began, plus the whole Sylar thing is creepy the way all psychopathic killer origin stories should be. But the rest of the episode was basically a recap of last week! And it told us absolutely nothing new to move the story forward in the present. I appreciate the exposition, but come on, give us something to chew on until next week - the shot at DL, Peter's arrest, Claire's confession to her dad that she's maybe just a little bit capable of spontaneous regeneration, something.

Seriously - NBC is already on the rocks as a network. Why gamble with their best show by overhyping it? Just let it be that cool show that rips off the X-men, only not quite enough for anyone to care. No more shitty commercials promoting






Just give me the show and get over yourself.

And thus I end my blogging hiatus.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Apologies for the non-postage this past couple of days. I was at work, and busy, and then driving, and then yesterday I was at Casey's with Cristina watching 90210. Yes! It is truly brilliant and I finally know how much of a debt The OC and its brethren owe to the OG from 1990 - plus the fashion is killer - literally. So many bike shorts. I'm happy to say that Cristina has loaned me the DVDs so I can report on further episodes (more than 20 of them!) as I watch. In the meantime check out the liveblog on her site, which will be up sooner or later.

Anyway, it is Thanksgiving and I have to clean up and shower and hopefully help cook, so I will be signing off now, although I may be posting more later should I feel inspired. I actually have been building up a list of draft topics but just haven't had the time to post! For shame, I know.

Happy Turkey Day!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Oh. My. God.

No pun intended. Dad, sorry, here's more about religion. :)

(Via the Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right)

Monday, November 20, 2006

Is it wrong that I get really excited about things like this?

I love sleep, really, I do, but I would be so excited if I could control both its effects and the effects of its absence. A pill that makes you feel like you got 8 hours, when you really got 4? I'd pay for that.



Some of my friends are obsessed with this scene/song. Does it ruin it for you?

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Great Success!

So I am cheating a leetle on NaBloPoMo or whatever because I wrote the OC liveblog after midnight but not after waking up on the Saturday. Yes, I cheated, but nothing that interesting is happening today in the news unless you care about sports, and I am just sitting around watching le TV. I think we are going to make sushi tonight, so cross your fingers for me and hope it turns out. I may be back a little later on for another post, but who knows. Consider yourself cheated.

OC LiveBlog - The Metamorphosis!

This is going to be an interesting liveblog as I am watching the OC on my computer at the same time I use the computer to type the liveblog. I get the feeling I’m italicizing in the wrong places, but the point is, it’s a juggling act and thank god Windows Media Center has a small, “keep on top always” window so I can keep my Word goin’ at the same time as the OC is rollin’.

Yeah, I just clipped the G off of two words in a row. I’m that cool.

I’m quite excited about this episode as I read online that Summer is going to really come into her own on this episode. Go Sum, we always knew you were better than Marissa, even though she stuck you with that shitty nickname.

We begin with Summer sitting down in some kind of counselor’s office and confessing that she has changed since she got to college. “What’s happening to my body?” This turns into a little montage showing the five stages of grief. Which is way cool, I have to confess. The classical music in the background only makes it that much better, except that I seem to recall seeing this same kind of montage on another TV show before (what is it?). She wears an I <3 Trees shirt while she says she is going to go back to celeb gossip and adds, “Crutches, ew.” She says she has to go back to her old shallow self to be good with Seth again. Good to know.

Cut to Seth standing in the airport at 8:30 am east coast time saying Summer’s gonna dump him. He wears a yucky mustard colored sweater which I’m oddly drawn to, and wakes up Ryan to tell him this extremely important information. Apparently he took some bizarre red-eye flight otherwise why is he waiting at the airport at 8:30 am? Summer enters all made up and looking hot again and kisses Seth right away. She is wearing a super cute tunic number and possibly leggings again. Why! I will not complain as Seth in cute moment says “My baby’s back!”

We shall see, eh?

Ooh, a new intro… Was this here last week? Willa (Caitlin) is in it and Taylor too! Good.

Ryan is running like hell on the beach and looks like he’s in some major pain. Maybe if he spent less time fighting people in cages he would not have so much trouble running and would have arms that were less beefcakey. HE and Sandy are doing the surfer dude thing and no one has mentioned the fact that he still isn’t in college, because that is never a problem in teen sitcoms.

Oh sweet, they finally bring it up. Sandy says he’s glad Ryan is back to his old self with a new job and being home. His job is being a waiter I think. I feel like he could find something better like all that construction he used to be good at.

Cut to Seth and Summer post-coital and all Summer’s enviroposters. She confesses that the old Summer is back with the artificial tanning

In a moment of plug, Seth has bought her The Valley season 3, which is another way of saying “Yes, we still haven’t sold any of last seasons’ shittitude to you fans hanging on by a thread.” The OC continues to have no shame.

Now, Sandy recaps the past couple of seasons to Kirsten to show that yes, he really is the sturdy and reliable one. With no friends, though. (Jimmy left TWICE…. And for what? I don’t see Tate Donovan up to anything interesting, or at all.) He wants to ask someone on a man-date because Ryan won’t hang out with him. Apparently he wants to hang out with some guy who is a good golfer and Kiki counsels him on his man issues. The moments between these two are totally not as good as they used to be… there is absolutely zero chemistry and Kirsten always seems to be baking or sitting around reading the newspaper. Come on bring back some Kiki drama!

Julie and her money-mongering daughter talk about how they need a new man to give them a free ride. While Julie continues to live in her separated husband’s house, she offers to ban men if her skank daughter will stay out of trouble. I think that Caitlin is wearing black nail polish, not surprised. Taylor marches in all perky and non-sweaty in a workout outfit asking if anyone wants a protein scramble, which sounds like a euphemism to me, and Caitlin points out that something from “Henry Michael” has arrived in the mail which is NOT how you spell “Henri-Michel, secret husband,” but whatevs. Taylor freaks out (she is wearing wristbands WHY?), and Caitlin pretends to check out the pool guy (been there before) to trick her mom into being the slut she really is.

Ryan is working at “El Pavo Guapo” which involves scooping full bowls of tortilla chips into piles, when Taylor shows up to charm him into helping her with something. Big surprise. She says she needs to get divorced and her husband is on the way to Newport, an event requiring Ryan because she will give into the hubby a.k.a. “sexual Jedi” and his powers. Ryan of course has to give in because he can’t resist a girl in trouble.

Summer pushpins a nice Devil Wears Prada poster to the wall of her room when Hippie Paul Rudd enters the room to ask her to spellcheck something for him (apparently Summer is still smart, even at Brown. Must be that 2300 SAT she got. Mm, yes). She takes him to her closet to show him her massive collection of shoes that are made from animal skin. I believe that one pair is my own pair of Coach gold cork platforms. She shows Paul Rudd all her InTouch Weeklys and the pic of Marissa which has reappeared. He is typically accepting of her because she is being herself and welcomes Seth with equal enthusiasm and the phrase “Just be.” Apparently that is hippie for “Go fuck yourself.”

Sandy tries to hang out with people from work and sounds more awkward than his son. That’s what Seth means about the Cohen awkwardness. Sandy gets totally blown off by the actor that looks like Monk. (Monk?) Summer hates The Valley apparently now because it SUCKS. She says “they just create fake problems about fake people.” She is very upset that she’s been falling behind on her celeb gossip although she apparently still calls Justin Timberlake “JT” which is so 2001. She puts down the celebretard mags in favor of the Solar Power Rocks! flyer that Paul Rudd left behind. Oh Summer, college is hard!

Taylor nervously sips Perrier in an effort to forget about her Frenchy husband and sasses Ryan. This could become the new power couple if only because they are too hilarious together. Taylor cracks my shit up: “What is your favorite fruit!?” Instead of the husband, the husband’s lawyer shows up to bring a little bit of French class and language to this oh so classy show. Apparently, Taylor can’t get a divorce unless she’s had an affair so she obviously pretends Ryan is the sexy lovah.

Summer reenters from a shopping trip in more leggings, because, sigh, we cannot get away from them. She apparently still has a problem with fur, and apparently with normal hair because she has a weird braid action going on. Seth takes off while Summer checks up on the rally while trying on the Ugliest Sweater Ever. She misses her old hippie buddies. While on the phone with Paul Rudd, she realizes that it is also the ugliest thing ever, but I think that’s supposed to be a metaphor for how she really has changed, and maybe she isn’t as shallow as she wants to be. (Perhaps, Summer, you may be capable of finding a balance between your activism and your boyfriend, and that whole bit about how he can’t handle a you that’s only into tanning is a figment of your overactive imagination? Too good to be true, right? I thought so.)

Julie is back to her barbed self post-separation-from-latest-husband and tells Kiki that she is getting over an addiction too – those pesky men. Remember, the first step is admitting you have a problem. Kiki is approximately the most boring character ever at this point. I almost want Jeri Ryan to come back to stir things up. Apparently Julie wants to rejoin Kiki in the matchmaking biz. Which apparently still exists although we haven’t heard about it in forever. One of the Newpsies shows up with a little new boobage and confesses she doesn’t need a dating service – she’s moved on to younger, limber men and apparently whores it up big time. These younger men are apparently still spending time with her in public despite her terrible tan and hideous dress. Julie is tempted. Blahhhh.

Luke’s brothers in matching Tweedle Dum water polo jackets propose a fake ID venture to Caitlin who is wearing a blouse-over-shirt combo that looks like she stole it from Marissa’s closet. She gives in. Big surprise. The bad girl dies hard.

Why do all of Ryan’s jobs involve lifting cases of beer and emptying them? HE does this constantly. It’s really bizarre. Currently he does it in a classy Mexican restaurant – so classy that the bottles on the bar are all identical bottles of Johnnie Walker Black Label (no tequila up in this biotch). Taylor shows up with a suspicious stack of papers requiring Ryan’s signature. Since it’s in French, Ryan has no idea that he’s about to commit to the lie of their affair but Taylor is a little cagey about the actual content of the contract so Ryan seems to have some idea that he is walking into trouble.

Meanwhile, back in Rhode Island, Paul Rudd polishes his didgeridoo and Seth enters offering him some leftovers. They happen to overhear Summer in some debate about solar panels and realize that she actually has changed. Seth is a leetle disappointed because maybe he likes his girls dumb after all, but Paul Rudd is all down with her righteous self.

Ryan teaches himself some French out of the dictionary (go Ryan, you have some smarts left in you despite getting your head bashed in so many times), and Seth calls to say he feels like Old summer has been replaced by Real summer who looks suspiciously like New Summer. Wrap your head around that riddle, my friends. He says “thi sis her life now and I’m sorry I don’t fit in it.” Summer walks in and they start to reconcile. Good girl. Just because you like the environment now doesn’t mean you have to hate on regular non-protesting dorks. Seth remembers he taught her what recycling was in 10th grade, so that now officially means I have hope converting Sean to the recycling bandwagon. Here’s hoping.

Naked Paul Rudd with a guitar tells Seth he has a gift for him – “my song.” It appears to be about polar bears dying and he appears to have the WORST facial hair ever. I feel like he might connect with Lili Taylor from “Say Anything” and they could sing discordant songs together. He hugs Seth in the nude. Gross.

Sandy’s man-date is ruined by the other dude being on the phone the whole time. Kids on the phone are such cockblocks. Oh shit, apparently the dude was lying and he was just feeling awkward about not having any guy friends. They bond about the past being so much fun when they had male friends. I preferred Sandy hanging out with men he didn’t have a crush on. This is boring. Bring back Jimmy Cooper and ninja video games anytime.

Kiki and Julie have their own date planned for the evening apparently and Julie is ready to run. Perhaps she is joining the slutty Newpsie for some hot boy lovin’. This plot is approximately the most retarded thing ever to air on this show. Kiki in her race to be the most boring person ever is ready to order takeout. LAME already.

Caitlin gets her fake ID wearing some strange lamé jacket. Another plot I don’t care about. Move on to bigger things, my friend.

Newpsie and Julie get wasted on Jose Cuervo (classsssy) while waiting for their younger men. Julie does some strange headshake when she takes shots apparently and they start to act like Laguna Beach girls on vacation in Cabo. Whee, plot, rotting away.

Ryan figures out that Taylor wanted to pretend they had sex “like, thirty times.” Apparently putting his signature down on a paper that he’ll never see again (at least if I know anything about loose plot ends and their tendency to disappear from this show) is too much work for him what with the whole Marissa death thing. Taylor gives Ryan a nice little speech about her sappy French husband suckitude and references Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes like it’s a MODEL relationship. After she leaves, Ryan repents. He also appears to actually be working at a Chili’s, which is masquerading as Classy Mexican Restaurant.

Seth, because he will never stop sucking up to get the hot girl, learns all about the environment from Paul Rudd. He tries to go to the rally with Summer, and is banned because he doesn’t have a student ID (TASER!). He tells Summer to go ahead without him and save the world. Aww, what a good kid.

Caitlin manages to go to the same bar where her mom is whoring it up. She is suitably shocked. Julie has a moment of good acting where she realizes that she really is being a drunk biznatch and leaves the bar and her sweaty dance partner. Wise up, Julie. You will not find a new trophy husband/meal ticket in a club. (Unless it’s the country kind.)

Sandy and his mandate hang out in the restaurant where Ryan works because it’s replaced the Bait Shop as the hangout of choice. Kiki calls to check in and Sandy, rightfully, stays with his bros because he knows that Kik is a huge bore.

Ryan shows up to rescue Taylor from the French lawyer and they share a surprisingly hot kiss. Oh Ryan, you come through in the end. You always do, so now we have a brand new couple to be excited about. The lawyer busts out some forced foreshadowing for the audience: “I may be a lawyer, but I am also a Frenchman. I know love when I see it.” Yes, I admit it, that kiss was kind of hot. Apparently Taylor agrees with me because she is all up in Ryan’s grill now.

Summer’s environmentalism apparently inspires her to wear dresses from the 14th century around campus (but doesn’t stop her from hobbling around in platforms to all-night rallies. That’s the Summer I know). She takes a break to talk to Seth who is napping outside, ever supportive. Can’t wait until he actually has a real life of his own at RISD, but in the meantime I will accept this cute good-coupleness.

Sexy moment with Ryan in wifebeater RETURNS! Nothing like girls popping into the pool house unannounced. Apparently the reason Taylor knows how to cook is because her French husband made her take a cooking class that she claims she failed, despite cooking the whole Turkey dinner last week. (Plot coherence, A+.) Taylor wants Ryan real bad and REAL obviously. She tries to spin a nice little story to get him to pay attention to her and Ryan resists, for the most part, because he is apparently the densest person ever. However, Taylor knows the way to a man’s heart is his stomach and apparently her peach tortes kick ass. This is clearly the new couple of the show (I mean, who else would it be? There are no new characters except for the Moron Twins and Paul Rudd, and those are not exactly Ryan’s type).

Sandy comes home to his boring wife to play boring strip Scrabble. At least it’s boring because only Sandy is taking off any clothes, big surprise.

I love how skinny women on TV ALWAYS eat huge tubs of ice cream when they are bonding, because that’s totally realistic and all. (I refer of course to Team Cooper.)

Taylor is the new Marissa. Prepare to see a lot of staring at the pool house n the future.

Seth has adopted that old lesson, “If you love somebody, set them free” which for him consists of lying on the floor of an airport with his suitcase as a pillow. And drawing new cartoons of the Vixen girl as an envirovixen. Do I sense a return of the Newport crowd in print? Yes! Yes! Bring it back!

Next up on the OC: Ryan is naked, Taylor’s in love! “How can you tell? She said Ryan was funny.” I cannot express to you how excited I am about the Ryan and Taylor sexual tension. Yes, I’m being manipulated by Josh Schwartz. No, I do not care. With the exception of Teresa, Ryan was always way more interesting with girls who were not Marissa, and Taylor is not enough of a wreck for him to have to look after her all the time. Yes, The OC! I’m coaxing you back into brilliance!