Finally, I managed to download the OC for viewing. Also fortunately, I happen to have two accessible computers – my work computer and my regular one, so I used one to liveblog and it was a real viewing experience on the TV and everything. I am nothing if not classy.
Alright, so, we get straight to the good stuff: Ryan’s fantasies of Taylor sexy-dancing in some Grecian costume to hard rock. No idea what this scene was inspired by, but it’s truly awesome. I feel kind of the way I felt reading Harry Potter 5 – is this really the way men think? (Yeah, oddly enough I thought of that reading Harry Potter. The fifth book was weird.)
Following that brilliant introduction we have the first of many amazing lines in this episode. Sandy holds a bagel in front of Ryan’s face in a fishbowl, saying “I schmeared it for you.” Zoomy faces. Taylor has that affect on you.
Seth enters and informs everyone that he is hopping on a plane to fly to Providence to visit Summer. Guess it’s fine if you tell your parents who are still supporting you that you are flying to the other side of the country with a ticket you just purchased. God, I hate it when money and plane prices are not a factor.
Cut to Summer, who is getting suspended until next fall because she stole a rabbit. Stanford didn’t even kick out the band for vandalizing their Shak, so either Brown is more efficient in punishing student delinquents or this is a fictional show. Who knows at this point.
Despite Paul Rudd being a huge douchebag, Summer sucks it up and takes her punishment. Meekly, she takes down the posters from her wall. This is highly reminiscent of any Felicity episode, pretty much ever. (Wait until moment she finds list of former room residents written in chalk inside the closet. I really miss that show.) Asshole Paul Rudd comes in with his ugly vest and hat and personality. He insists that we have to devour the weaker gazelle for the good of the movement! No remorse. Hate.
I love the Ryan/Taylor thing. I really, really do. By this point, Taylor is soaping up Ryan’s window wearing a wet white dress. Fabulous (except for the line “Are you dirty, Ryan?” which really kind of could have gone unsaid).
Kirsten interrupts Ryan’s reverie wearing a tunic with a huge thick black belt. Ever so up with the modern couture. She wants to be “the new Seth” and let Ryan confide in her. How can she be like Seth? By talking about herself and letting Ryan solve the problem on his own (oh snap). She states the obvious, which is that she knows a lot more about women than Seth will ever know, and then she pulls a Cohen (son, not mother) by making a reference to the vault. So first season. Seriously, did Josh Schwartz hire back old writers or something? This show is really good again!
Kirsten then points out that Ryan should be open to the possibility of something good happening given how he has been shit on in the past. And you know Taylor is way sexier and more interesting than Marissa. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Hottie tennis instructor shows up at “Casa de Cooper” with some snazzy new racket (I don’t speak tennis) for Kaitlin. She attempts to seduce him briefly, making a comment about him helping her with “her stroke.” He tells her to go to high school and date the guys there, to which she responds “you mean boys?” This is a Cher Horowitz disciple if I ever saw one. The whole hottie tennis instructor plot is clearly a bust for Kaitlin.
Taylor shows up at the mall and Ryan, seeing her, runs away. Perhaps it’s the pigtails, Taylor. Might want to rethink that look (perhaps she’s in costume for her job filling in for Seth at the comic shop). She confesses that usually when she kisses a guy he runs away, because she is a bit of a biter. I would expect nothing less. In this torrent of awkwardness, Taylor almost misses Ryan asking her out. She says that her plans for the evening are to update her blog (knew there was a reason I liked her): “Felicity by way of Anais Nin. Erotic memoirs of a soulful college girl.” She also refers to her emotions as an emoticon in real life. Really my kind of girl.
This brings us to maybe the second scene ever featuring Kaitlin interacting with people at high school, which from the looks of it she never really goes to. True to the Newport spirit, they are at a waterpolo match and she is blocking the view of a couple vapid Newport girls. “Do you bitches have a problem?” she says. Kaitlin is also awesome.
“Do you guys think anyone would notice if I sparked a J by the bleachers?” she asks the vapid ones, who point out that it’s illegal (like Kaitin cares). At this point Fake Kaitlin shows up, who has less cool clothes than real Kaitlin but just as much attitude. This is like that brief moment when we had the Taylor v. Marissa competition. The cool outcast girl versus the cool popular crazy girl. Fake Kaitlin is hosting a Super Sweet Sixteen party which everyone wants to be invited to. Life imitates MTV. Or rather, OC imitates MTV, which also imitated the OC. Media is so crazy like that.
Bullet: “Women are well-preserved in this town.” Couldn’t have said it better. He says Kirsten “don’t look much like an eater.” She is a drinker, though. (Formerly, before she became a black hole of interestingness.) He is trying to ingratiate himself to Julie, which is pretty much not happening as she is in possession of a TASER!
Ryan and Taylor are watching some weird Japanese movie when Taylor says, “Did you ever think that decapitation could be so beautiful?” Oh yes, Taylor, you truly are psychotic. “It helps relax me,” she says. Few cute moments of classic high school hitting-on scene with hands in popcorn and Ryan sneaking his arm around Taylor. Who knew he had such issues putting the moves on women? He says he “can’t do this” because “it’s too weird,” which freaks Taylor out because she thinks he means she’s weird (which, um, I have no comment on).
Crossing paths, Summer has arrived in Seth’s room while meanwhile Seth has gone to Brown and is standing in her empty one. She packs fast, apparently. She is now forced to admit that she got kicked out for stealing rabbits. Seth says about Paul Rudd/Che/Benedict Arnold what I’ve been trying to say this entire time: “I knew anyone that sincere is not to be trusted.” He is now on a mission to “avenge her honor” and go “so Ryan Atwood on his ass.” Yes! Do it.
Now, Sandy throws his hat in the ring to be substitute Seth. Somewhere in the lack of helpfulness (so what else is new?), Ryan realizes that maybe the problem is him. I would like to suggest that maybe the problem is Marissa, but I have no voice in this matter. Sandy departs with a crack about reading comics and listening to indie rock. So true.
Seth kicks in Che’s door and says the place “reeks of incense and righteousness.” More slut jokes about Summer’s roommates. Seth discovers disk in Che’s room addressed to him, a video that says “news of Seth’s vendetta has reached his ears.” He has gone underground (I wish he was six feet underground). Summer suggests via phone that he must be with Osama. It is at this point I realize Summer is lying outside in a sleeping bag, communing with nature. She’s changed! Julie Cooper discovers her out there and tries to do her best mom thing. Brief, pointless scene.
Fake Kaitlin distributes her party invitations in public just like all the Sweet 16 bitches, while Kaitlin is smoking (or should I say toking) up a storm behind the wall of the bleachers. So hardcore. Hearing Fake Kaitlin refuse to invite the very girls who had helped her seal the invitations (exactly like all the MTV girls), real Kaitlin offers up another party at her house (with wayyy better drugs, you just know it). Ah yes, I am right, she say she has “5 kegs, a quarter ounce, and absolutely no lame parents.” God knows why she’s doing this, except to make a point?
Hottie Tennis Instructor a.k.a. Bullet’s son shows up at the dating service with like 10 other young studs, who are offering to be the fresh manmeat for the dating service. Julie tries to avoid repaying the Bullet for his favor and only gets herself deeper into trouble by saying she has to go to Sandy and Kirsten’s recommitment ceremony. This is officially the only time the woman has ever avoided dating a man with money.
Ryan finds Taylor at the mall with one of the comic store goons. She appears to be trying to make Ryan feel guilty (or is she serious?) by cozying up with another man. She says “Sounds terrif” – gotta love the abbreviated words. Ryan, you have let another one slip through your fingers by moping. Straighten up and fly right.
Che shows up on Summer’s doorstep to atone for his sins. Again, hate. What is it with these people flying around the country all the time!
WHAT is Kaitlin wearing? A terrible jersey-ish dress thing and leggings, and I think Converse. Annoying. When she makes a comment about a threesome, Julie says “Just how old are you?” which really reminds me that four years ago Kaitlin was obsessed with her pony. I don’t know if the writers ever figured out that timeline.
Che wants to have a “truth circle” on the lawn and when Summer does not respond, he handcuffs her so they can work through their issues.
Taylor walks into her/Summer’s room to find Summer handcuffed to Che. Taylor is way pleased about the handcuffing, proving that she really is as kinky as Ryan would like to think: “Summer Roberts, you learned a few things from that college roommate of yours.”
Summer and Taylor attempt to stop Kaitlin from throwing the party, but of course she doesn’t care because she is, as Sean would say, hardc0r3. She doesn’t care for authority, that one. Che tries to help out with the party spirit by offering to play “festive tribal music” on the didg. Taylor’s comic goon Roger helps out with the kegs, which pisses off Taylor.
Seth returns from the east coast and walks in on Ryan imagining Taylor in rollerskates on his TV. He confesses that he keeps imagining her with a “big bucket of soapy water” which is his way of reminding us that he is an ass man. Another great line. So good, this episode.
Now we know who always threw those drugged-out Newport parties - Kaitlin! Although, since they only seem to have kegs and pot, this is not quite on par with the early parties of season 1 with the cocaine, fresh margs, and copious amounts of hard liquor.
Summer tries to break up a make-out fiesta by saying “Cut it out, I tan on this chair!” Che, good for him, hands out condoms. Wise man, but I still want him dead, or at least gone the way of every Gilmore Girls guest star – gone gone gone.
Kaitlin is officially playing seven minutes in heaven, which I really didn’t know anyone did and which I thought was way too lame for her. She apparently really wants to get laid, because she is trying really hard to make out with this high school kid. Quickly realizes that kid is not so much into women, and her way of telling him is “Sweetheart, you’re so gay.”
Sandy and Kirsten give up on helping Julie and bail on the double date.
Why is it that they always have colored clear plastic cups at these parties instead of the usual red cups?
Ryan, searching for Taylor, discovers Roger in bed with the gay athlete kid. WTF!? Awesome. Turns out Taylor really was trying to make Ryan feel guilty and wasn’t into Roger at all. Ryan’s reaction: “She paid you to pretend to like her? …Sounds like Taylor.” So true. He leaves, saying “Carry on.” My roommate at this point says “I love this show,” which is pretty much the gist of my feelings at this moment.
Seth, not realizing that Summer and Che are chained, pushes Che into the pool. Clever.
Kaitlin discovers Fake Kaitlin at her party (and therefore not at her own): “So you dressed like a ho for no reason.” Fake Kaitlin: “I changed before I came here.” Looks like Kaitlin was just trying to make a point about being nice to your friends, which is interesting because she doesn’t have any and isn’t nice to anyone. But she sure knows how to play the ethical line.
Kaitlin calls the police to report her own party because her work is done. She’s like the guardian angel of Newport, or the guardian devil or something.
Summer and Che hug it out, by which I mean Summer says she accepts his apology and Che cries like a baby. Turns out Che is a spoiled brat. He has a driver, and Che is short for Winchester. He totally would have lived in a coop at Stanford and been one of those rich hippies. Hate even more.
Ryan confronts Taylor about the Roger thing, and she says “What if I did rent a homosexual for the evening?” Excellent. Ryan tells her he isn’t ready for a relationship and Taylor responds “Just because I want to use your body as a jungle gym doesn’t mean I want to get married.” Ah, Taylor. Ryan is so cute when he’s flattered by someone who knows how to express her feelings (however weird they may be). They are going to have their seven minutes in heaven. Yes, awesome, except I think that means we don’t get to watch. Damn.
I’m pretty sure the exact same character of the Bullet exists on Ugly Betty except he managed to hook up with Vanessa Williams after a few tequila shots. He was slightly less annoying on that show. And a little more subtle, although Bullet has a good line when he talks to Julie about breakfast: “So, should I call you or nudge you?”
Bullet attempts to make up for his bad behavior by having a justice of the peace show up at the Cohens’ to renew their vows. Ok, this plot is kind of lame, moving on.
Strange Garden state moment with Kaitlin in the middle of the room watching things get cleaned up around her house and watching the cops kick everyone out (she doesn’t appear to be getting in trouble for this whole party thing – guess she hid all the pot). She cleans up Luke’s brother’s face, which had been written on. She has a heart!
Turns out Julie is a pimp! She has apparently set up a network of young men to prostitute themselves out to older “well preserved” Newpsies. You knew she’d find her way back into illegal business somehow.
Seth proposes putting off RISD for yet another semester, which officially puts the entire OC crew in Newport for the rest of the 13-episode season. It had to happen somehow, but it did happen pretty naturally (and over the span of 6 episodes) so it doesn’t feel that forced. I can accept this.
Since I had to download it this time, I had to find the preview for next week on YouTube, and it looks to be… um… bizarre. A spoof of It’s a Wonderful Life? Reaalllly.