OC Liveblog Episode 11 - The Dream Lover

I get it that Seth and Summer aren’t engaged but are they also not together? They clear it up right away when Seth worries about the “I don’t want to marry you elephant in the room.” Taylor freaks out about her 17 unreturned phone calls. The OC has really gotten good at this split screen flowingness of everything that is interrelated. Ryan and Seth are worried about calling Summer and Taylor.

Che flying out to save Summer from Seth. And Henri Michel keeps calling Taylor. I find it interesting that these two are friends now. Taylor worries that Ryan isn’t calling because Henri Michel still in town. Henri Michel is now inviting Taylor to move in and she is actually considering it because she doesn’t want to be a mooch… off of the same people. She wants to be mooch off of different people, and kind of needs a new (old) man to help her get over her Ryan angst.

Ryan awkwardly tells summer that he was waiting for Henri Michel to leave. Here we go with our good ol’ Sufjan (at least Sufjan style) music introducing Che back on the scene with yoga, figs (DELICIOUS) and knitting. This kid cracks me up. I really love him as a character now that he isn’t getting summer kicked out of school. Che explains that Seth has been emasculated which pretty much happened at birth I think. Either that or as soon as this show began, one or the other.

High fives always cover up awkwardness, like when the girl you asked to marry you asks you on a “romantic date.” And Che’s chi is apparently not working case he can’t read Seth at all.

David the photographer/Henri Michel has apparently made a career out of using ridiculous accents in bit parts on random TV shows. He worries about the American obsession with clothing. Taylor is thankful that Henri Michel is there before she and Ryan got any more serious. And she’s falling way too hard for this “j t’aime” bullshit.

Caitlin and the smart black kid are apparently making out a lot and defying stereotypes. Also attracting the attention of crazy psycho Asian band girl who is obsessed with him. She is a little too into the fact that she and Will are manning the rice Krispies table at the band bake sale. She is in fact terrifying. And Caitlin is now the object of crazy band girl’s new obsession which is even more terrifying and involves her fondling her clarinet like a knife (not what you thought I’d say, is it?).

Kiki and Julie hash it out over the phone about how Julie turned their business into a hooker ring. Julie is trying, as usual, and Kiki will eventually give in, she’s just busy being a bitch.

Ryan shows up at Taylor/Caitlin/Julie/Summer’s house (WHAT A POWERHOUSE!) to find that Taylor is at the Four Seasons with Frenchy. Who is buying her a house. Caitlin gives him the straight shot and tells him that he needs to amp up this win Taylor aback effort if he is going to beat the French guy. He needs to buy her something. ‘Cause words aren’t enough for girls (which is slightly true and slightly not).

Summer proves Seth she loves him with whiny records, Thai food and videogames in her room. Cause men totally fall for this shit. Seth certainly isn’t cause he’s kind of freaking out. Nice try, Summer.

Turns out Che was right about Seth’s aura and his animus and wants to fix him. “Let he healing begin.”

Sufjan is apparently present at times of ridiculous hippie talk. Not entirely accurate, but at the same time so awesome. Seth and Che are going on a hiking trip with Che’s harmonica and Seth’s broken spirit.

Che’s note to Summer: “Where is the iron butterfly in summer? Perhaps she needs to find her path as well.” Che, really, I love you. I do, I know everyone else hates you.

Ryan shows up at Henri Michel’s to find him sitting around listening to Frenchy music in a robe and Taylor out buying furniture. Kill me now. Ryan has brought the ugliest teddy bear gift ever. With gummy bears. I love how they keep referring to it as the Quik-e-Mart. Henri Michel walks off with the bear to write a poem. His accent is getting old real fast.

Kiki gets a call from the pimp who says that one of his “boys” has Chlamydia so everyone on their list who has had sex with him probably has it too and needs to be told. Clearly she is furious.

Caitlin gets ambushed in the bathroom by the bank geek girl who calls her a skank and says she’d kick her face in. “I happen to be going to 2^nd with the guy that you like.” Caitlin really has no fear, good call cause band people are fucking psychotic in this show apparently.

Taylor got back with the Frenchy fast. She tries to get out of napping with him by talking about hotel germs which is not persuasive to French people. Taylor tosses the bear and tells Henri Michel to tell her how much he loves her which he doesn’t want to do because like Hemingway he cannot “empty himself” before he does poetry readings or something.

Kiki calls Julie to figure out the whole Chlamydia thing and Julie uses it as her chance to blackmail her way back into the job. Truly Julie style.

Summer tries to win Taylor over to coming to her house with promises of food. Actually apparently Ryan made her do it because he needs to tell Taylor how he feels. Summer says “you don’t strike me as the coffee cart type” – good reference to a previous season there. Ryan realizes he needs to express his feelings and Summer is counseling him through it.

On the hiking trip, Che tries to teach Seth that it’s all about the journey. Enjoy the outdoors and all that. A detoxifying camping trip, just what a lovesick boy needs. Che explains that Seth’s spirit animal is trapped and sick and bringing Seth down. They have to live like animals in the forest in order to free/heal the spirit animal. They have to build a sweatlodge. Way to slap Che like that. Che tells Seth to grab some willow branches and that he “brought hides.” Really, I love it.

Taylor shows up at Summer’s only to find Ryan. She calls him a weasel. In a particularly lucid non-insane moment she explains that he hurt her. And Ryan says that what he feels is more important than what they have in common. And then he kind of breaks down here and gets a stuffed animal joke slapped in his face in retaliation. Taylor tells him that Henri Michel is writing a love poem and reading it at the bookstore. It is now Ryan’s turn to hit up the bookstore and stand on the espresso bar.

Che is breaking Seth by having him gather rocks. Where ARE they? I don’t think there is any wilderness like this anywhere near Newport.

The Chlamydia woman freaks out when Kirsten tells her about her diseases and threatens to go to her lawyer because they are running an “unclean operation.” No shit, woman you were paying for sex. You get what you get.

Summer tells Taylor that she felt bad for Ryan because he looks like a sad koala. She says she wants to start a nonprofit to save animals which is really quite awesome. Taylor is pissed at her because Summer betrayed her to get Ryan to come over. Summer says that she’s never seen Ryan buy anyone any stuffed animal and it’s probably the nicest gift he’s ever given. Way to lie, or rather, exaggerate the sad, sad truth, Summer. I love that girl.

Sandy gives Ryan more sage advice at the beach, really classic Cohen/Atwood family scene. Ryan says that being with Taylor is like being on a rollercoaster and he is afraid of heights but at least it’s exciting. We are full of references to previous seasons here. This is why this show is still brilliant. Sandy says “DO SOMETHING” which is, you know, the obvious answer.

Taylor runs home to the hotel to dig the bear out of the trash or as Frenchy calls it “the refuse.” He tries to convince her that it doesn’t matter. He says there’s no shame in wanting the gift because it reminds you of being adored but the problem is which does she want - the memento or Ryan? She says she want to be with someone who wants to be with her. And who can say it. This is Ryan’s problem.

Seth and Ryan appear to have been in the sun this entire episode although other people have gone through nighttime. Weird.

Finally it’s night for Seth and Che are heating up rocks for the sweat lodge when Seth reveals he ate some berries. Which won’t be a problem…“yet,” Che says.

At the band thing, Crazy Asian girl tells a story about Will and his drums to Caitlin. Caitlin says that girls like her are not welcome there. What is a girl like Caitlin exactly? Will sides with Caitlin on the fact that the hats are lame, and then the sad Asian girl runs off to the bathroom to cry. She really is annoying and not sympathetic but Caitlin’s heart is melting cause it does that.

Che is chanting around the fire. Seth says he feels like he’s sharing a sauna with Blue Man Group. Then Che mentions “Journey” and Seth says in a daze “Ryan likes Journey.” Another awesome reference to a previous season. He seems to be going into a trance and ends up in his house in a sort of strange bluey house. Is it his house? He is totally on something! Must be the berries. I love drug use on this show. This episode and the one from Chrismukkah are awesome in this whole trance thing. Seth shows up in his backyard to find a seal or otter. It is his animal! He says he’s going to take care of him and take him to the ocean to do otter things. I love that there is an otter on this show. Seth does funny otter noises at the otter. Che totally just induced a berry-sweat trance and Seth just healed his animal’s spirit. Che wants to know about his animal. Seth says “it was so cute – it was this otter.” Che looks a little weirded out. What is it about the otter that makes Che so freaking giddy? This is so weird.

Henri Michel at the bookstore reads a silly poem about the peche and all these women are in love with him. I never got the appeal of Frenchmen. Oh god, Ryan busts out some kind of poem as well. He is about to stand up on a chair and give his speech. Henri Michel is kind a dick to him and points out the whole crowd standing there. Ryan’s poem is:

A sonnet I don’t know how to write
A haiku five seven five seems too tight

Taylor picks up the poem and reads it herself. It ends: “Though I can’t say these words to you tonight, please stick with me because I feel someday I might.” And even the geeky bookstore lady is kind of impressed. Turns out Henri Michel left cause he wisely realized that he probably shouldn’t be there.

And then Taylor runs off! What the hell! Taylor! No! This is not you! You left the Frenchman!!

They discover the pimp at the store and Kirsten realizes that no one actually had Chlamydia and it was all an elaborate plan on Julie’s part. Julie wants the bitchy ones to think they have STDs and Kirsten wants them to know the truth. But they are friends again because that’s the way these things go.

Caitlin hits up the bathroom to find the little annoying Asian girl. I quite like Caitlin’s outfit this time around. She finds the sad band girl to apologize. The band girl freaks out because she says Caitlin is making Will not want to be himself. And she has been in love with Will forever. Apparently this is supposed to be Caitlin’s realization but it’s not, because actually the band girl is an idiot and Caitlin clearly is better for Will than those crazy psycho band obsessed chicks. Will is just a cooler band guy. Either way Caitlin leaves because she feels like she should I guess.

Taylor finds a note from Henri Michel that says he doesn’t want to be alone in love and he returns the teddy bear. What will she do?

Kiki tells Sandy that she is at dinner with Julie and she hates her but she is the best friend she’s got. For better or for worse I guess?

Caitlin is with Will at the beach and she screws it all up by calling him the king of the dorks. Oh Caitlin - she’s just like her sister she sabotages EVERYTHING. Way to be a bitch. When she does this she looks a lot like her mom. Julie Cooper must have given her some acting tips.

Che sits on the counter in the Julie Cooper house and confesses that he had a dream where he was a frog who found real love with an otter. Oh shit man.

Seth says he saved his inner otter so he is ready to love again. Otters are so cute, Summer says! She wants to start a foundation to save sea otters. Seth and Summer continue to be adorable.

Taylor shows up at Ryan’s. Henri Michel is gone, thank god. Taylor says that Henri Michel understood even better than she did that she could never love him. She says that it’s scary how much she needs to hear people say they love her. But she doesn’t want Ryan to say it to her because she doesn’t think she should be with anyone until she is stronger on her own. What a cop out. This always happens. But Ryan gets it I guess. Taylor, you are pretty strong.

Ryan is looking rather beefcakey in this scene. It must be the hair? Or the angle? Taylor leaves him sitting outside the poolhouse staring at the fire. So sad. Ryan you will find love one of these days.

Che sits around the house staring at a picture of Seth. This is officially the weirdest thing ever.