OC Liveblog Episode 10 - The French Connection

We start with an incredibly sad moment where they show the fact that they only have 7 episodes left. I really am very sad about this. I need to think of a way to appropriately commemorate the passing of the OC. Any ideas?

They keep playing songs that sound like covers of old songs – like of Beach Boys and stuff like that. But this is just the OC being indie.

Taylor shows up to Ryan’s work with a “perfect Valentine’s day” present which is basically a record of her stalking – a scrapbook. They have the lamest kisses on this show. What 19 year old kisses like that on a regular basis? MAKE OUT! Seriously as soon as people are in relationships on this show they never do anything interesting.

Taylor’s French husband has published his book “A Season for Peaches” which is apparently about Taylor being seduced by the Frenchman. Wow, these books get written, published, and translated fast. Clearly no one in the writers room researched the publishing industry.

Ryan sends Seth off to Seattle to Dr Roberts but Seth thinks its going to be an easy out – that Dr Roberts will refuse to let him marry Summer so he’ll be good to go.

I love Taylor’s nice ref to Michiko Kakutani. She would read the Times Book Section. Apparently Taylor is worried about Ryan reading the peaches book because she doesn’t want him to know what she did with the Frenchman. She slips the fact that they could never make a movie about it because it would be rated X or something.

Julie is still carrying out the whole prostitution thing, arguably because Frank Atwood told her to. She really cannot maintain any lies.

Summer is reading modern bride, a woman after my heart. She is also apparently reading the season for peaches book and says it’s dirty – a comment that naturally sends Taylor off on her whole defending healthy sex drive thing. Wow, apparently page 47 is amazing. Oh shit, Ryan tells Sandy about how Peaches is Taylor. Sandy is just kind of letting that go.

Caitlin and the band guy are studying together which is kind of cute and stuff. He talks kind of funny. Why?

“Ergo, dorko.”

Whatevskies. Good lord.

Summer hangs out with the local bridezillas (aka the engaged and underage of Newport) to see if she can handle being one herself. Holly, quote: “Oh my god, totally, bitch. You work out in the morning, meet the girls for lunch, and then you shop. We call ourselves the Newpsieweds.” Oh my god I cannot take this especially as I suspect aspects of it are true!!!!!

My realization of who the Peaches Frenchman is: OH MY GOD IT’S TOTALLY DAVID FROM FELICITY!! Also from 24! (Annotation after the fact: David is the photographer from Felicity who she does not give mono to, who is the son of her art teacher, who ends up breaking up with her – I think – because of Greg the annoying guy who works at the health clinic where Felicity organizes the “There’s got to be a morning after” campaign. Also, David briefly played an assassin in Season 1 of 24, with a bad Russian accent. He has moved on to bad French accents.)

At this point I pause to discuss my bad typos with Kelly. I seriously cannot be coherent in these things. If they were unedited you would have no idea. Really though I wish I saved drafts –just to show process or something.

Taylor shows up at Ryan’s and discovers that he has read the damn book. Turns out Ryan met the husband at the bookstore (ok I was there) and he felt like he had to read. So he walks out on Taylor and leaves her there.

Seth shows up at Dr Roberts’ and starts babbling about how “when the world zigs, we’re gonna zag.” He pretty much fucks it up from the beginning, on purpose, obviously. “They do exist,” he says upon Dr Roberts mentioning a man being impaled by a unicorn. This is after all Seattle, home of Meredith Grey, 8 million dollar inheritances, women with two uteruses, Elvad wires, etc. (How do you spell Lvad wire – does it even exist?)

Taylor confronts the Frenchy David. He doesn’t like sunshine because it’s banal and doesn’t like bathing because it’s bourgeois. I think it’s hilarious that he calls her Peaches, and in such a bad accent. David you have been floundering in bad TV shows for too long. Also he calls Ryan a cornfed farmboy.

Kirsten is onto Julie’s whole prostitution thing and doesn’t want Julie to “jeopardize her job.” Kirsten jacks her phone while she’s off for a lunch date. Up to something.

I love that Summer carries her bunny with her to the newpsiewed thing. “Hos, this is Summer Roberts she just got engaged.” I will kill myself if I’m ever like that. They have fucking pocket dogs. Summer at least has a rabbit instead.

Wow, Summer really is being exactly like Bizarro Summer in the alt-world. She is super drunk and that makes her a total ridiculous person. “African babies, so cute.”

Caitlin and the guy are watching Cops. You two look cute together. “That cop, he just drove a car into a meth lab.” Caitlin do not corrupt this guy. Anyway apparently turns out the guy was looking forward to seeing the real Caitlin, but doesn’t realize she’s kind of the same in school and out.

I seriously love Taylor and her literariness – talking about Anais Nin on talk shows. The whole Taylor sex thing has kind of gone in a weird direction. Like sex addiction or something. DO NOT SPEAK FRENCH IN FRONT OF RYAN I DO NOT TRUST YOU!

Kelly says, “this is what Ryan does, he leaves.” This is kind of true (as he drives away).

Ryan reads some French philosophy early in the morning, making up for inadequacy and all that.

Whoa that was weird. Sandy for some reason burst into a weird Jeremy Lewis impression.

Julie realizes that Caitlin really really likes the band dork Will. She tells her that she has to try to fix the whole thing. She is a little nutso looking for her cell phone (just typed self phone).

Ryan goes to Taylor’s to confess that he wasn’t weirded out by the sex just by the intellectualism. Wow they really do have good sex.

Seth pushes the whole marriage thing until Dr Roberts says he doesn’t think Seth really appreciates summer. Looks like he has better luck provoking Seth than summer does because he totally just defended his love for her to his future father in law.

Apparently Che is Summer’s conscience. Not sure what is going on besides the Newpsie girls putting summer in their old wedding dress. She really is freaking the hell out.

Ah, Taylor you are so sexy when you are French. Ryan discovers that Taylor lied and told David Frenchy that Ryan writes papers about skepticism and Hume and such. Yeah right. Anyway so the point is that she lied. And meanwhile Summer has to rescue Pancakes from the crazy neo-Newpsies. (Annotation later: Yes, I made that term up all on my own. Also, Pancakes is Summer’s pet rabbit in case you forgot. And becoming an increasingly good name for my cat, now that I think about it. Oh! Maybe the fitting tribute to the OC is to name my cat after one of the characters – like Captain Oats or Pancakes or something!)

Ryan confronts Taylor about her lying and says that “they’re different” as though that’s a death sentence. He walks away and leaves Taylor to think about her actions.

Kirsten shows up at a hotel to pull a sting op. Turns out she stole Julie’s cell to cancel someone else’s appointment and take the woman’s place. Now she knows everything about the hooker operation.

At the Harbor School, Caitlin shows up to talk to the Will guy at some food/clothes for the homeless drive and tell him she likes him. All the homeless people are watching them (incidentally the same people from the Cohen family dinner for Thanksgiving who Caitlin is totally buds with).

Julie shows up to talk to Kirsten about the fact that she is running a prostitution ring. Kirsten cuts Julie off and says she won’t call the police or tell Sandy, but Julie has to leave the business.

WTF, Summer picks up the phone to find Che on the other side. Apparently he had a vision and needed to talk to her. He is crazy: “For two halves to be whole, each half must be whole on its own.” He sings a crazy ass song.

Now Ryan sitting by the pool in the dark, Sandy comes up to talk. Ryan doest know what’s going on with him and Taylor, and Sandy points out that he and Kirsten are really different too. Ryan says so how do you know if you’re good different or not? (Good question.) Sandy says at the end of the day you either focus on the good or the bad.

Summer tosses the bride mags right when Seth walks in. Summer is wearing a shirt that’s a little too 60s-70s for me. Seth confesses that he doesn’t want out. He really wants to stay engaged to her. It’s a someday engagement. Summer points out that she has no idea who she is. Wow, very runaway bride. She says she needs to figure herself out. And gives him back the ring because they may need it some day. Is this a breakup? I’m so confused.

Ryan looks at the Taylor photo album and realizes what he really wants. He runs up to the studio to get Taylor back! Yes! Sweep her off her feet in front of the fake Eiffel tower. Shit - that was just his imagination looking at the photo album. And Taylor also imagined it, despite sitting there talking to the Frenchy who wants her to stay and chat. Taylor, go home, do not talk to the ex-husband anymore. GO HOME! NO! Do not stay!

Only six episodes left…. Seth has to build a sweat lodge with Che!