Jessica Joffe looks like Chloe O'Brian.

Discuss.

This is just so sad. You have to read all the Digg comments to really get how sad. I am coming to hate Digg. I started reading it because it's supposed to be this great model of user-rated content and all that, but it's actually a breeding ground for offensive, chauvinist comments. It's full of idiots and assholes and it makes me scared to be human. You think I'm kidding, well , like I said, read the thread.

I hate everyone.

OC Liveblog Episode 11 - The Dream Lover

I get it that Seth and Summer aren’t engaged but are they also not together? They clear it up right away when Seth worries about the “I don’t want to marry you elephant in the room.” Taylor freaks out about her 17 unreturned phone calls. The OC has really gotten good at this split screen flowingness of everything that is interrelated. Ryan and Seth are worried about calling Summer and Taylor.

Che flying out to save Summer from Seth. And Henri Michel keeps calling Taylor. I find it interesting that these two are friends now. Taylor worries that Ryan isn’t calling because Henri Michel still in town. Henri Michel is now inviting Taylor to move in and she is actually considering it because she doesn’t want to be a mooch… off of the same people. She wants to be mooch off of different people, and kind of needs a new (old) man to help her get over her Ryan angst.

Ryan awkwardly tells summer that he was waiting for Henri Michel to leave. Here we go with our good ol’ Sufjan (at least Sufjan style) music introducing Che back on the scene with yoga, figs (DELICIOUS) and knitting. This kid cracks me up. I really love him as a character now that he isn’t getting summer kicked out of school. Che explains that Seth has been emasculated which pretty much happened at birth I think. Either that or as soon as this show began, one or the other.

High fives always cover up awkwardness, like when the girl you asked to marry you asks you on a “romantic date.” And Che’s chi is apparently not working case he can’t read Seth at all.

David the photographer/Henri Michel has apparently made a career out of using ridiculous accents in bit parts on random TV shows. He worries about the American obsession with clothing. Taylor is thankful that Henri Michel is there before she and Ryan got any more serious. And she’s falling way too hard for this “j t’aime” bullshit.

Caitlin and the smart black kid are apparently making out a lot and defying stereotypes. Also attracting the attention of crazy psycho Asian band girl who is obsessed with him. She is a little too into the fact that she and Will are manning the rice Krispies table at the band bake sale. She is in fact terrifying. And Caitlin is now the object of crazy band girl’s new obsession which is even more terrifying and involves her fondling her clarinet like a knife (not what you thought I’d say, is it?).

Kiki and Julie hash it out over the phone about how Julie turned their business into a hooker ring. Julie is trying, as usual, and Kiki will eventually give in, she’s just busy being a bitch.

Ryan shows up at Taylor/Caitlin/Julie/Summer’s house (WHAT A POWERHOUSE!) to find that Taylor is at the Four Seasons with Frenchy. Who is buying her a house. Caitlin gives him the straight shot and tells him that he needs to amp up this win Taylor aback effort if he is going to beat the French guy. He needs to buy her something. ‘Cause words aren’t enough for girls (which is slightly true and slightly not).

Summer proves Seth she loves him with whiny records, Thai food and videogames in her room. Cause men totally fall for this shit. Seth certainly isn’t cause he’s kind of freaking out. Nice try, Summer.

Turns out Che was right about Seth’s aura and his animus and wants to fix him. “Let he healing begin.”

Sufjan is apparently present at times of ridiculous hippie talk. Not entirely accurate, but at the same time so awesome. Seth and Che are going on a hiking trip with Che’s harmonica and Seth’s broken spirit.

Che’s note to Summer: “Where is the iron butterfly in summer? Perhaps she needs to find her path as well.” Che, really, I love you. I do, I know everyone else hates you.

Ryan shows up at Henri Michel’s to find him sitting around listening to Frenchy music in a robe and Taylor out buying furniture. Kill me now. Ryan has brought the ugliest teddy bear gift ever. With gummy bears. I love how they keep referring to it as the Quik-e-Mart. Henri Michel walks off with the bear to write a poem. His accent is getting old real fast.

Kiki gets a call from the pimp who says that one of his “boys” has Chlamydia so everyone on their list who has had sex with him probably has it too and needs to be told. Clearly she is furious.

Caitlin gets ambushed in the bathroom by the bank geek girl who calls her a skank and says she’d kick her face in. “I happen to be going to 2^nd with the guy that you like.” Caitlin really has no fear, good call cause band people are fucking psychotic in this show apparently.

Taylor got back with the Frenchy fast. She tries to get out of napping with him by talking about hotel germs which is not persuasive to French people. Taylor tosses the bear and tells Henri Michel to tell her how much he loves her which he doesn’t want to do because like Hemingway he cannot “empty himself” before he does poetry readings or something.

Kiki calls Julie to figure out the whole Chlamydia thing and Julie uses it as her chance to blackmail her way back into the job. Truly Julie style.

Summer tries to win Taylor over to coming to her house with promises of food. Actually apparently Ryan made her do it because he needs to tell Taylor how he feels. Summer says “you don’t strike me as the coffee cart type” – good reference to a previous season there. Ryan realizes he needs to express his feelings and Summer is counseling him through it.

On the hiking trip, Che tries to teach Seth that it’s all about the journey. Enjoy the outdoors and all that. A detoxifying camping trip, just what a lovesick boy needs. Che explains that Seth’s spirit animal is trapped and sick and bringing Seth down. They have to live like animals in the forest in order to free/heal the spirit animal. They have to build a sweatlodge. Way to slap Che like that. Che tells Seth to grab some willow branches and that he “brought hides.” Really, I love it.

Taylor shows up at Summer’s only to find Ryan. She calls him a weasel. In a particularly lucid non-insane moment she explains that he hurt her. And Ryan says that what he feels is more important than what they have in common. And then he kind of breaks down here and gets a stuffed animal joke slapped in his face in retaliation. Taylor tells him that Henri Michel is writing a love poem and reading it at the bookstore. It is now Ryan’s turn to hit up the bookstore and stand on the espresso bar.

Che is breaking Seth by having him gather rocks. Where ARE they? I don’t think there is any wilderness like this anywhere near Newport.

The Chlamydia woman freaks out when Kirsten tells her about her diseases and threatens to go to her lawyer because they are running an “unclean operation.” No shit, woman you were paying for sex. You get what you get.

Summer tells Taylor that she felt bad for Ryan because he looks like a sad koala. She says she wants to start a nonprofit to save animals which is really quite awesome. Taylor is pissed at her because Summer betrayed her to get Ryan to come over. Summer says that she’s never seen Ryan buy anyone any stuffed animal and it’s probably the nicest gift he’s ever given. Way to lie, or rather, exaggerate the sad, sad truth, Summer. I love that girl.

Sandy gives Ryan more sage advice at the beach, really classic Cohen/Atwood family scene. Ryan says that being with Taylor is like being on a rollercoaster and he is afraid of heights but at least it’s exciting. We are full of references to previous seasons here. This is why this show is still brilliant. Sandy says “DO SOMETHING” which is, you know, the obvious answer.

Taylor runs home to the hotel to dig the bear out of the trash or as Frenchy calls it “the refuse.” He tries to convince her that it doesn’t matter. He says there’s no shame in wanting the gift because it reminds you of being adored but the problem is which does she want - the memento or Ryan? She says she want to be with someone who wants to be with her. And who can say it. This is Ryan’s problem.

Seth and Ryan appear to have been in the sun this entire episode although other people have gone through nighttime. Weird.

Finally it’s night for Seth and Che are heating up rocks for the sweat lodge when Seth reveals he ate some berries. Which won’t be a problem…“yet,” Che says.

At the band thing, Crazy Asian girl tells a story about Will and his drums to Caitlin. Caitlin says that girls like her are not welcome there. What is a girl like Caitlin exactly? Will sides with Caitlin on the fact that the hats are lame, and then the sad Asian girl runs off to the bathroom to cry. She really is annoying and not sympathetic but Caitlin’s heart is melting cause it does that.

Che is chanting around the fire. Seth says he feels like he’s sharing a sauna with Blue Man Group. Then Che mentions “Journey” and Seth says in a daze “Ryan likes Journey.” Another awesome reference to a previous season. He seems to be going into a trance and ends up in his house in a sort of strange bluey house. Is it his house? He is totally on something! Must be the berries. I love drug use on this show. This episode and the one from Chrismukkah are awesome in this whole trance thing. Seth shows up in his backyard to find a seal or otter. It is his animal! He says he’s going to take care of him and take him to the ocean to do otter things. I love that there is an otter on this show. Seth does funny otter noises at the otter. Che totally just induced a berry-sweat trance and Seth just healed his animal’s spirit. Che wants to know about his animal. Seth says “it was so cute – it was this otter.” Che looks a little weirded out. What is it about the otter that makes Che so freaking giddy? This is so weird.

Henri Michel at the bookstore reads a silly poem about the peche and all these women are in love with him. I never got the appeal of Frenchmen. Oh god, Ryan busts out some kind of poem as well. He is about to stand up on a chair and give his speech. Henri Michel is kind a dick to him and points out the whole crowd standing there. Ryan’s poem is:

A sonnet I don’t know how to write
A haiku five seven five seems too tight

Taylor picks up the poem and reads it herself. It ends: “Though I can’t say these words to you tonight, please stick with me because I feel someday I might.” And even the geeky bookstore lady is kind of impressed. Turns out Henri Michel left cause he wisely realized that he probably shouldn’t be there.

And then Taylor runs off! What the hell! Taylor! No! This is not you! You left the Frenchman!!

They discover the pimp at the store and Kirsten realizes that no one actually had Chlamydia and it was all an elaborate plan on Julie’s part. Julie wants the bitchy ones to think they have STDs and Kirsten wants them to know the truth. But they are friends again because that’s the way these things go.

Caitlin hits up the bathroom to find the little annoying Asian girl. I quite like Caitlin’s outfit this time around. She finds the sad band girl to apologize. The band girl freaks out because she says Caitlin is making Will not want to be himself. And she has been in love with Will forever. Apparently this is supposed to be Caitlin’s realization but it’s not, because actually the band girl is an idiot and Caitlin clearly is better for Will than those crazy psycho band obsessed chicks. Will is just a cooler band guy. Either way Caitlin leaves because she feels like she should I guess.

Taylor finds a note from Henri Michel that says he doesn’t want to be alone in love and he returns the teddy bear. What will she do?

Kiki tells Sandy that she is at dinner with Julie and she hates her but she is the best friend she’s got. For better or for worse I guess?

Caitlin is with Will at the beach and she screws it all up by calling him the king of the dorks. Oh Caitlin - she’s just like her sister she sabotages EVERYTHING. Way to be a bitch. When she does this she looks a lot like her mom. Julie Cooper must have given her some acting tips.

Che sits on the counter in the Julie Cooper house and confesses that he had a dream where he was a frog who found real love with an otter. Oh shit man.

Seth says he saved his inner otter so he is ready to love again. Otters are so cute, Summer says! She wants to start a foundation to save sea otters. Seth and Summer continue to be adorable.

Taylor shows up at Ryan’s. Henri Michel is gone, thank god. Taylor says that Henri Michel understood even better than she did that she could never love him. She says that it’s scary how much she needs to hear people say they love her. But she doesn’t want Ryan to say it to her because she doesn’t think she should be with anyone until she is stronger on her own. What a cop out. This always happens. But Ryan gets it I guess. Taylor, you are pretty strong.

Ryan is looking rather beefcakey in this scene. It must be the hair? Or the angle? Taylor leaves him sitting outside the poolhouse staring at the fire. So sad. Ryan you will find love one of these days.

Che sits around the house staring at a picture of Seth. This is officially the weirdest thing ever.

OC Liveblog Episode 10 - The French Connection

We start with an incredibly sad moment where they show the fact that they only have 7 episodes left. I really am very sad about this. I need to think of a way to appropriately commemorate the passing of the OC. Any ideas?

They keep playing songs that sound like covers of old songs – like of Beach Boys and stuff like that. But this is just the OC being indie.

Taylor shows up to Ryan’s work with a “perfect Valentine’s day” present which is basically a record of her stalking – a scrapbook. They have the lamest kisses on this show. What 19 year old kisses like that on a regular basis? MAKE OUT! Seriously as soon as people are in relationships on this show they never do anything interesting.

Taylor’s French husband has published his book “A Season for Peaches” which is apparently about Taylor being seduced by the Frenchman. Wow, these books get written, published, and translated fast. Clearly no one in the writers room researched the publishing industry.

Ryan sends Seth off to Seattle to Dr Roberts but Seth thinks its going to be an easy out – that Dr Roberts will refuse to let him marry Summer so he’ll be good to go.

I love Taylor’s nice ref to Michiko Kakutani. She would read the Times Book Section. Apparently Taylor is worried about Ryan reading the peaches book because she doesn’t want him to know what she did with the Frenchman. She slips the fact that they could never make a movie about it because it would be rated X or something.

Julie is still carrying out the whole prostitution thing, arguably because Frank Atwood told her to. She really cannot maintain any lies.

Summer is reading modern bride, a woman after my heart. She is also apparently reading the season for peaches book and says it’s dirty – a comment that naturally sends Taylor off on her whole defending healthy sex drive thing. Wow, apparently page 47 is amazing. Oh shit, Ryan tells Sandy about how Peaches is Taylor. Sandy is just kind of letting that go.

Caitlin and the band guy are studying together which is kind of cute and stuff. He talks kind of funny. Why?

“Ergo, dorko.”

Whatevskies. Good lord.

Summer hangs out with the local bridezillas (aka the engaged and underage of Newport) to see if she can handle being one herself. Holly, quote: “Oh my god, totally, bitch. You work out in the morning, meet the girls for lunch, and then you shop. We call ourselves the Newpsieweds.” Oh my god I cannot take this especially as I suspect aspects of it are true!!!!!

My realization of who the Peaches Frenchman is: OH MY GOD IT’S TOTALLY DAVID FROM FELICITY!! Also from 24! (Annotation after the fact: David is the photographer from Felicity who she does not give mono to, who is the son of her art teacher, who ends up breaking up with her – I think – because of Greg the annoying guy who works at the health clinic where Felicity organizes the “There’s got to be a morning after” campaign. Also, David briefly played an assassin in Season 1 of 24, with a bad Russian accent. He has moved on to bad French accents.)

At this point I pause to discuss my bad typos with Kelly. I seriously cannot be coherent in these things. If they were unedited you would have no idea. Really though I wish I saved drafts –just to show process or something.

Taylor shows up at Ryan’s and discovers that he has read the damn book. Turns out Ryan met the husband at the bookstore (ok I was there) and he felt like he had to read. So he walks out on Taylor and leaves her there.

Seth shows up at Dr Roberts’ and starts babbling about how “when the world zigs, we’re gonna zag.” He pretty much fucks it up from the beginning, on purpose, obviously. “They do exist,” he says upon Dr Roberts mentioning a man being impaled by a unicorn. This is after all Seattle, home of Meredith Grey, 8 million dollar inheritances, women with two uteruses, Elvad wires, etc. (How do you spell Lvad wire – does it even exist?)

Taylor confronts the Frenchy David. He doesn’t like sunshine because it’s banal and doesn’t like bathing because it’s bourgeois. I think it’s hilarious that he calls her Peaches, and in such a bad accent. David you have been floundering in bad TV shows for too long. Also he calls Ryan a cornfed farmboy.

Kirsten is onto Julie’s whole prostitution thing and doesn’t want Julie to “jeopardize her job.” Kirsten jacks her phone while she’s off for a lunch date. Up to something.

I love that Summer carries her bunny with her to the newpsiewed thing. “Hos, this is Summer Roberts she just got engaged.” I will kill myself if I’m ever like that. They have fucking pocket dogs. Summer at least has a rabbit instead.

Wow, Summer really is being exactly like Bizarro Summer in the alt-world. She is super drunk and that makes her a total ridiculous person. “African babies, so cute.”

Caitlin and the guy are watching Cops. You two look cute together. “That cop, he just drove a car into a meth lab.” Caitlin do not corrupt this guy. Anyway apparently turns out the guy was looking forward to seeing the real Caitlin, but doesn’t realize she’s kind of the same in school and out.

I seriously love Taylor and her literariness – talking about Anais Nin on talk shows. The whole Taylor sex thing has kind of gone in a weird direction. Like sex addiction or something. DO NOT SPEAK FRENCH IN FRONT OF RYAN I DO NOT TRUST YOU!

Kelly says, “this is what Ryan does, he leaves.” This is kind of true (as he drives away).

Ryan reads some French philosophy early in the morning, making up for inadequacy and all that.

Whoa that was weird. Sandy for some reason burst into a weird Jeremy Lewis impression.

Julie realizes that Caitlin really really likes the band dork Will. She tells her that she has to try to fix the whole thing. She is a little nutso looking for her cell phone (just typed self phone).

Ryan goes to Taylor’s to confess that he wasn’t weirded out by the sex just by the intellectualism. Wow they really do have good sex.

Seth pushes the whole marriage thing until Dr Roberts says he doesn’t think Seth really appreciates summer. Looks like he has better luck provoking Seth than summer does because he totally just defended his love for her to his future father in law.

Apparently Che is Summer’s conscience. Not sure what is going on besides the Newpsie girls putting summer in their old wedding dress. She really is freaking the hell out.

Ah, Taylor you are so sexy when you are French. Ryan discovers that Taylor lied and told David Frenchy that Ryan writes papers about skepticism and Hume and such. Yeah right. Anyway so the point is that she lied. And meanwhile Summer has to rescue Pancakes from the crazy neo-Newpsies. (Annotation later: Yes, I made that term up all on my own. Also, Pancakes is Summer’s pet rabbit in case you forgot. And becoming an increasingly good name for my cat, now that I think about it. Oh! Maybe the fitting tribute to the OC is to name my cat after one of the characters – like Captain Oats or Pancakes or something!)

Ryan confronts Taylor about her lying and says that “they’re different” as though that’s a death sentence. He walks away and leaves Taylor to think about her actions.

Kirsten shows up at a hotel to pull a sting op. Turns out she stole Julie’s cell to cancel someone else’s appointment and take the woman’s place. Now she knows everything about the hooker operation.

At the Harbor School, Caitlin shows up to talk to the Will guy at some food/clothes for the homeless drive and tell him she likes him. All the homeless people are watching them (incidentally the same people from the Cohen family dinner for Thanksgiving who Caitlin is totally buds with).

Julie shows up to talk to Kirsten about the fact that she is running a prostitution ring. Kirsten cuts Julie off and says she won’t call the police or tell Sandy, but Julie has to leave the business.

WTF, Summer picks up the phone to find Che on the other side. Apparently he had a vision and needed to talk to her. He is crazy: “For two halves to be whole, each half must be whole on its own.” He sings a crazy ass song.

Now Ryan sitting by the pool in the dark, Sandy comes up to talk. Ryan doest know what’s going on with him and Taylor, and Sandy points out that he and Kirsten are really different too. Ryan says so how do you know if you’re good different or not? (Good question.) Sandy says at the end of the day you either focus on the good or the bad.

Summer tosses the bride mags right when Seth walks in. Summer is wearing a shirt that’s a little too 60s-70s for me. Seth confesses that he doesn’t want out. He really wants to stay engaged to her. It’s a someday engagement. Summer points out that she has no idea who she is. Wow, very runaway bride. She says she needs to figure herself out. And gives him back the ring because they may need it some day. Is this a breakup? I’m so confused.

Ryan looks at the Taylor photo album and realizes what he really wants. He runs up to the studio to get Taylor back! Yes! Sweep her off her feet in front of the fake Eiffel tower. Shit - that was just his imagination looking at the photo album. And Taylor also imagined it, despite sitting there talking to the Frenchy who wants her to stay and chat. Taylor, go home, do not talk to the ex-husband anymore. GO HOME! NO! Do not stay!

Only six episodes left…. Seth has to build a sweat lodge with Che!

The OC Liveblog Episode 9 – My Two Dads

Taylor bursts into Summer’s with a list of awesome new year’s resolutions (lost to the speed at which I type this thing, unfortunately). Halfway through she learns that she’s got wedding planner duty for Summer. But Summer feels a little awkward about all this. She confesses that everything Seth usually says is laced with “irony and contempt” and his sincerity in the whole engagement thing swept her off her feet.

Ryan clarifies shit for Seth, pointing out that if he doesn’t really want to get married he probably shouldn’t have proposed. Very astute. Taylor and Ryan talk shop and realize that neither Seth or summer wants to get married but that the likelihood of them coming to that conclusion mutually without argument is pretty much nil. Right then Summer and Seth come up to ask the blond ones if they want to be the maid of honor and best man and all that. Gotta love this kind of awkwardness.

(Do people really start planning their weddings as soon as they got engaged?)

Seth says he feels good about himself – “a little long term life time relationship” is all he needed.

Sandy confronts Ryan’s dad about him being in Newport and being a liar and a criminal and all that. He doesn’t want to let him talk to Ryan, but Frank wants him to hear him out. He says he’s gotten over all his shit and asks, “Do you ever think the system works sometimes,” Sandy points out, why now? Blah di dah. Julie is rooting for Frank, but probably because he knows that she is a madam.

Sandy’s hair looks kind of weird. Gratuitous shots of beautiful beaches and surfing and all that.

Ryan and Seth try to figure out what to do about Summer. Seth knows her well: “She says she’ll get over it but she means she gets even.” Ryan tells Seth to “smoke her out” which is exactly right.

Caitlin is in school wearing a very cute jumper. Caitlin gives a speech about call of the wild in the voice of a dog, which is you know very cool and rebellious and all that. God, I love that jumper. Finally, we have a real plotline in high school where she spends like 7 hours of every day. It’s about time. She has to study and rewrite her speech with the smart new kid.

Sandy tells Ryan that his dad is here and Ryan takes it, um, not so well. Mostly he is just kind of floored. Sandy says that what is important is whatever Ryan wants, and Ryan doesn’t want to see him. Good choice, but really it’s a moot point. How weird would it be if your dad was in jail? For some reason right now I think of Joey Potter. I feel for you, poor children of the teen drama.

Frank hangs out in his classy hotel room, on whatever money he happens to have gotten since he got out of jail 6 weeks before. So good to know that prison pays well.

Seth tries to “smoke Summer out” by giving her a cookbook, cooking classes and the Torah for conversion. Summer knows exactly what’s going on and is “going Bridezilla on his ass.” Go Summer she really does have guts. Great, Frank Atwood is dying. I could have seen this shit a mile away.

Sandy doesn’t take shit – he does not need someone coming to mess with his family. Kirsten convinces

Summer shows up with a diamond brochure and a bunny for Seth to babysit. Seth brings up writing his own vows, and Summer retorts with some Shel Silverstein and Dr Seuss, which is really quite witty for her.

Back in Newport, Caitlin wants the smart kid to cheat for her. He is in the band, and is awkward. Caitlin is convinced he can cheat for her. But we all know that isn’t going to happen…

Aaand now back at Sandy’s, Kirsten is bribing him with sandwiches. She wants him to let Frank Atwood meet Ryan.

Ryan and Taylor cutify up the mall talking about their issues. Taylor apparently has some daddy issues because her dad is like Luke’s dad only not gay. (Annotation: I have no idea what I mean by that – I think I mean he’s unavailable.)

Summer learns her Hebrew words and tries to cook brisket REAL badly. Julie is helping her but she realizes something is going on. When she realizes Summer is engaged, Julie says “you’re young, but works for me” which is awesome. They realize that Summer is only trying to keep the upper hand in the situation, which is Julie’s kind of dating game – manipulating the opposite sex. After about 5 seconds of trying to pronounce chutzpah they realize they need to work together.

Kirsten has talked to Ryan and has him meet his dad down on a pier followed by coffee, apparently. Next day Ryan tells Seth about how it was just fine. Seth and Summer can’t come to dinner because they are building a hoopa together. “You mean you don’t want to lose TO her.” Seth has Pancakes in his pants. Or perhaps in a pocket around his waist. He calls the Pancakes bunny his son. I love the bunny!

Caitlin thinks she got the smart kid to do her work for her but he tricked her and now she has nothing to say in her presentation. She ends up in front of the class talking about how her life sucks and the more crap you go through the more you want to be alone. Oh Caitlin it’s hard to be you. I mean that.

Taylor is nervous not about Ryan’s dad not liking her because she has never been there for the serious stuff. Just little things like insomnia, him not getting over his ex, thinking she was pregnant, whatever, total child’s play.

Sandy and Kirsten disagree about what’s-his-face showing up to dinner. Sandy doesn’t like him, obvious, and Kirsten has too much of a heart. Because she’s an idiot and feels sorry for another former alcoholic. But naturally Sandy agrees to be nice.

Frank meets Julie at the Newport club because he doesn’t know if he needs to wear a jacket to the Cohens or not. Julie tries to reassure him that he’ll be fine because everyone knows that people can change for the better. This would be heartwarming if I trusted this guy at all!

Summer shows up to Seth’s and suggests they shrink the size of their wedding down to Vegas style. “Come on it’s our honeymoon – go commando!”

At dinner, Ryan’s dad is really awkward trying to share family stories. Kind of nice and friendly but I think he’s a snake. Very strategic, he has a picture of a failed trip to SF. Taylor really is obsessed with Ryan it’s kind of awesome.

Sandy and Ryan talk about how nice the dad is in the kitchen and then Sandy gets a call from the prison doctor. This appears to be some kind of suspicious news – perhaps Nicey McNicerson is not so nice.

Seth and Summer are on their way to Vegas and you could cut that tension with a butter knife. Seth pulls over and says he needs to ask summer’s dad for permission. This is one hell of a game of chicken.

Sandy busts up to party to talk to Frank about the whole faking dying of cancer thing. He is totally going to punch him in the balls. Frank is a liar and Sandy knows it. But Frank also knows that his son didn’t want to see him and he feels like he had to lie. Wow it’s weird to see Kevin Sorbo not as Hercules. Nice little argument here – “this is my house” – “he’s my son” – “not anymore.”

YES! Sandy totally punched him! But that didn’t look so good of a punch. Kevin Sorbo seriously scares the shit out of me right now. He was ready to kill Sandy.

You know what would be awesome – if Caitlin and the black band geek hooked up. I almost feel like this is straight Ricky plus Ryanne Graff. Geeky outcast and badass girl outcast! “She playin’.”

Ryan and his dad hash it out and Ryan says it’s just too soon for him. Understandable, Ryan really does have some crazy parents. Nice “I’m not much of a hugger” comment. Leave it to the OC to put a light moment in a ridiculously dramatic episode.

Seriously this show is repeating songs that came out like 3 years ago. I know because I know them and I haven’t paid so much attention to new music recently due to lack of good downloading. Ryan and Taylor are seriously adorable.

Oh, cute, “My dad is right here.” I seriously love the Ryan-Sandy banter. Julie tells it to Frank straight – you get caught lying about cancer you’re going to get punched. This is a beachside makeout waiting to happen. Nice waiting cab, more money down the drain. Julie says “It’s hard out here for a pimp.” Frank convinces her that she could be financially independent if she continued to run the prostitution ring which is, you know, true, sort of.

And pretty much the inevitability – Julie and Frank Atwood making out next to a cab. Nothing but class.

Family time? Aww, the Cohens watch that Meerkats show on TV. Why? Kirsten says, “Because I wanted to,” that’s kind of like my mom. I love the Cohens.

OC Liveblog Episode 8 - The Earth Girls are Easy

Now out of alt-world and back to the real world, we remind ourselves about the whole prostitution ring. Good times.

AND we start with a moment with Taylor and Summer in the bathroom with a pregnancy test. Which I assume was Summer’s. Interesting.

Back in time…. Apparently we’re working with a moving forward episode. Starting forward, moving back, moving forward.

Summer and Taylor are now hanging out with coffee and Taylor worries that giving Ryan lingerie for herself for New Year’s will make him thinks he is a sex starved divorcee. Which she kind of is.

Back to Seth and Ryan, Seth says that no plans for New Year’s is good because having plans means that you are an adult. There is time for that in college. While meanwhile Summer is worrying about something and complaining about Seth never having any plans. This bodes well.

Seth gives Summer an incredibly stupid t-shirt for the holiday and says “It’s funny because it’s not.” Summer’s hormones appear to be getting to her because she tells Seth she is quick of babying him and shoves the box with the unfunny t-shirt back at him.

Kevin Sorbo appears in the episode as someone overhearing the young male slut talk about male prostitution rings. Julie has to cover up for her illegal activities so she struggles to launder money and avoid Kirsten’s suspicions.

Jimmy reappears (or at least is mentioned) because he is hosting a party on his boat. Really will he get the hell into real life now? I liked the alt universe better.

Bullitt shows up again to invite Julie to a party that she is not going to. Bullitt wants hanky-panky and she isn’t having any, because she has to launder money.

Seth tries to strike up a conversation with his dad about the fact that he screwed up new years plans. Romantic holiday plans are not superpowers. Seth tells his dad about the whole “since he isn’t in college yet he doesn’t need to worry about doing fun New Year’s Eve plans” theory. Sandy reminds him to be safe which, given that whole beginning thing with the pregnancy tests, is sort of… A double entendre.

Julie has a rendezvous with the mini-Bullitt who has lost his black prostitution book. Tough break. They decide that they are over the whole thing because it’s getting too shifty. And then, Bullitt shows up at Kevin Sorbo’s house where Sorbo is looking over information about a mysterious woman who is running a data service. Sorbo has the little black book, so he knows what’s up.

Taylor confronts Summer about the pregnancy test because she has put together the pieces. Turns out Summer didn’t want to take birth control pills while she was on her whole anti-everything hippie phase at Brown, so perhaps she made a little oopsie. At least they acknowledge the cause of the situation. She says condoms smell funny, which I suppose is true, kind of.

Taylor is seriously awesome, keeps calling the pregnancy test toothpaste. She really doesn’t let up on these things.

Seth bribes Ryan with sandwiches and Sandy Cohen’s monetary support for the hotel into letting him crash the Vegas roadtrip – a handy way to come up with a plan for New Year’s.

In a little toothpaste mix up, Seth finds the pregnancy test but Taylor takes the fall – hush hush. Taylor and Summer as friends are way more interesting than Marissa and Summer.

Bullitt is totally a ridiculous person. I don’t understand anything he says because I am distracted by the accent. Bullitt and Kaitlin have a discussion where she convinces him to let the whole Julie being weird thing go. And then he bribes her and gives her money for a “dress” a.k.a. pot.

Taylor seems to be wearing a funny pregnancy top which isn’t helping her cause.

Seth quizzes Ryan about the whole pregnancy thing, trying to figure out if Taylor is cheating. “Are you absolutely positive that you haven’t had sex with Taylor yet?”

There is a weird “slutty alien” in the bathroom who seems to be playing some mystery role as like the guardian angel.

Kevin Sorbo appears in Julie’s office and Julie is still wearing the ugliest shirt ever. Bullitt wants to put his accountant (Sorbo!) to work so he shoos Julie off and leaves the accountant with the messed up books.

SHIT! The crazy alien stole the purse and is running off to the car. They are now off on a wild alien chase. Dude, weird shit happens on the way to Vegas. It’s like an alien planet or a nuclear disaster site.

24-style, it’s suddenly become dark. Sweet, they have ended up at a weird alien rave. Does this exist? I’m so confused. Ryan and Seth split up and take the girls away so they can find the purse.

At the party, Julie sees what she has done – set up so many young attractive guys with plastic surgeoned women. Not exactly subtle. And it’s at the party that Bullitt is hosting so she’s kind of screwed. Oh also, Kaitlin meets some Saudi princes at the party. She sure gets shitty plotlines.

Ryan and Taylor get in some bit of a fight because she has a few issues with self esteem. She thinks Ryan thinks she’s a slut.

Seth screws up big time by celebrating (to Summer) the whole idea that he and Summer are not the pregnant ones. Summer bails, and then Seth realizes that he’s an idiot. And gets sort of attacked by a random Atomic County nerd who distracts him from his prize.

Is it just me or did Julie just get propositioned by the accountant guy? Caitlin at least is onto something and follows her mom. But she gets distracted from the real issue and doesn’t do anything about it.

Back at the rave, Ryan and Taylor and Seth and Summer have all been separated. Ryan and Taylor are fighting, and Summer shows up to tell the truth. Then she grabs Ryan’s keys and they run off. Sweet, this apparently takes place near area 51. The unborn baby metaphor, yes, is not so helpful guys. At least you recognize your issues. They notice the alien running off.

They are full of talk about fresh starts in the New Year - Yes, you get a fresh start right in time for the season to get canceled. Good timing.

Ryan and Seth are grabbing the purse from underneath the table where weird alien and her weird hookup buddy are, well, hooking up, when Taylor calls them and they get kind of caught. They run off with the Atomic County fan and his weird alien friends.

Caitlin shows her nice streak again by being nice to Bullitt who has been sort of rejected by Julie. She asks him to dance the two-step with her. Oh Caitlin, thank you for being slightly more than one dimensional. I am a fan. Augh, and then it turns out you are wearing leggings.

Ryan shows up at Taylor’s finally, where she says “If you’re here for sex, there’s like 5 guys ahead of you.” Good to know you have a sense of humor. Then they jump into bed –swearing to do “everything but.” Whatever that means.

And in a random twist, Seth proposes to Summer. I thought I would hate this but it’s actually kind of cute. A little scary, but cute. And then you have to bring me back down to earth with the whole not being pregnant and therefore realizing you were really just swept away by the whole thing. Kinda awkward.

Classic Julie Cooper quote: “I may be a madam, but I’m not a whore.”

Sandy finally realizes that something is wrong… he has been recognizing Kevin Sorbo all night and cannot figure out what the hell is going on – runs back and checks his files – YES IT IS TOTALLY FRANK ATWOOD RYAN’S DAD!!! HOLY SHIIIIIT! DAMN THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD HOW CAN YOU CANCEL IT!!!

Do you think I need a format change? The dark background is starting to feel very Myspace/Angelfire.

OC Liveblog Episode 7 - The Chrismukk-huh?

Hey all, I'm way behind on posting my OC liveblogs since I haven't edited them yet. I'm sure if you made it through my 24 liveblog you know why that's necessary. Anyway here's the first one.

Kirsten tries to be wise and motherly encouraging Ryan to invite Taylor to Christmukkah dinner. And then the weirdness of this episode starts. Ryan discovers in the mail a letter from Marissa! From the dead!

Kaitlin says: “I can’t believe we are spending Christmas in the ghetto.” What’s that you say Kaitlin? Oh yes, that’s right, it’s not the ghetto… it’s riverside. Awesome. The Cooper family together really cracks me up.

Taylor shows Summer the Christmas present she got for Ryan: a George Foreman grill because he “likes lean meat” which is yet another awesome sexual innuendo. And then she spazzes out about how she’s sure Ryan will invite her to Christmas which would be fine except for the whole letter from the dead thing. She brings him the gift but he blows her off and climbs a ladder to ignore her obvious attempts to get invited. “Poor Ryan – all of his muscles are well developed except the ones in his mouth.” Taylor continues to spaz, except now on the ladder, and this really is the peak of Taylor’s awesomeness: “I took your gift, the holiday themed rejection.”

Ryan and Taylor fall off the ladder together and then wake up, oddly. She storms off and Ryan ponders how strange it is that weird holidayish evilish music is playing in the background. “I hope you grill your face,” Taylor says. So very Michael Scott of you. Ryan walks into the pool room to find a workout room and then Kirsten shows up to scold the help for walking into wrong parts of the house. Dum dum dum!

What the hell is this strange cover of “California”? Is it even phantom planet anymore? I don’t keep up with my indie rock anymore so I can’t tell.

Turns out Kirsten really is a bitch before Ryan shows up to fix things around Newport. I guess we never saw her until Sandy forced her to take in Ryan, so there’s really nothing to compare it to. (No control, Emily. Use your words.)

Julie Cooper runs a homeless shelter which freaks the hell out of me. She knows your pain, Ryan, which is hilarious. Way to call him a street urchin – say what you really think.

Enter Seth, ubernerd. Clothes strikingly similar to what he normally wears only with Luke’s brothers harassing him. Seth goes to Brown! Thank god! At least in an alternate reality some things are right. Seth is obsessed with Summer still but can’t nail her, and Summer appears to be getting MARRIED. WTF?

Sandy is the mayor which is unrealistic and insane except that I think it ties into “It’s a wonderful life” somehow. Can’t really remember that movie (despite seeing it in pieces on tv about 483902 times) but perhaps this is some allusion. Sandy kicks Ryan out for stalking his family and Ryan flees to the mall. Excellent. I thought this episode would be really lame but it’s actually quite brilliant.

Flash briefly to Ryan in the real world hospital for the head injury, I assume. Kirsten, Sandy, Summer, and Seth come in. Taylor is also passed out but apparently neither of them has any real injury.

Taylor recognizes Ryan IN HER DREAMS which clearly means that they are MFEO. They realize they are in a parallel universe, not dead or asleep (they are mostly wrong about this). Taylor admits that she used to have a sci-fi kick and so she knows that they in an alt-world. They just need to fix something that is mysteriously wrong.

Summer is wearing a Juicy Couture suit and looks like a huge whore. She says “bitch” a lot like she’s hard. I pretty much think this is the best thing ever television wise – It’s changing my faith in Rachel Bilson as an actress - but plotwise it’s clearly what R & T need to fix. It’s actually the worst thing I’ve ever seen because in alt-world Che is “Chester” and he is a huge bro marrying Summer. This is Newport gold.

Meanwhile back in reality, the family decides to bring Chrismukkah to the hospital, being totally unconcerned about the two passed out teenagers beside them. Bring out the turkey and yarmulkes!

Chester turns out to be a huge whore cheating on Summer and is now beginning to remind me of someone else (besides Paul Rudd)… cannot figure it out. His character at this point however is pretty much exactly like the bad fiancé in “The Wedding Singer.”

OH MY GOD! JIMMY COOPER FINALLY GOT KIRSTEN! This is truly ridiculous! What an alternate reality. I’m so thrilled that Jimmy Cooper is reappearing.

Meanwhile Sandy and Julie Cooper are married and Julie is totally playing the philanthropic mayor’s wife. That house is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. AND sure enough, the other skank that Chester is hooking up with is Julie Cooper, who, even in an alternate reality, has a thing for younger men. Also, apparently Chester has a thing for being spanked and Julie has a thing for spanking him. That’s awesome.

Taylor realizes at the Cooper-Cohen house that Marissa still goes to Berkeley, but is, um, well, how do I put this – alive. She has to explain that to Ryan, who doesn’t take it well. He tries to get out of the booth to Marissa. Taylor doesn’t want him to get distracted from their mission, but Ryan realizes that if Marissa is alive, perhaps he doesn’t want to go back to the real world, which leaves Taylor alone in alt-world.

Back to the real Coopers, Julie and Kaitlin prepare for Christmas in Riverside – no wine, just wine coolers. Kaitlin calls Ryan and Taylor’s sleep/passing out/hanging out in the hospital a coma-lite, proving again that she should be getting more of a role this season. No Riverside for them – they are now tracking down Taylor’s mom.

Kirsten discovers a letter that Ryan had in his pocket. Fancy that - it’s from Marissa. This plot still doesn’t make sense.

Ryan, at the airport, spots a classily dressed Cooper-type who turns out to be Kaitlin Cooper, the youngest in her freshman class at Cal, and clearly not a dooby-smoking biotch – er, at least not a high school dooby-smoking biotch.

MARISSA DIES IN THE PAST TOO! IN AN ALLEYWAY IN TJ! RYAN TOTALLY FIXED SHIT FOR THREE YEARS! And Marissa was doomed to be dead no matter what. Josh Schwartz is a genius.

Also what is this song – a weird Radiohead cover.

Taylor points out that without Ryan, not only would Marissa have died way back in Mexico, but also, without Ryan, “Kirsten hasn’t had an orgasm in a year,” which is very persuasive. Jimmy Cooper is not so foxy in bed I guess.

Meanwhile Seth tries to explain his parents that clearly what’s going on here is an alt-universe that both Taylor and Ryan are stuck in. yeah, that works well.

In alt-world, Taylor is a guy. “And my mom is still a bitch.” Don’t distract me from the real story!

Julie and Caitlin catch Taylor’s mom at the airport. They say “she’s in the hospital” – hopefully “anorexia?” Nice 24 reference, with Caitlin saying to her mom “That’s very Jack Bauer of you.”

Seth is freaking out to Ryan despite the fact that Ryan is a total stranger. Ryan spills the whole alt-universe thing and Seth falls for it because in this world he is still a geek.

Taylor drops a subtle hint to Kirsten about the mayor moping and crying about his ex-wife and Kirsten falls for it. Good fun. Taylor says to Ryan “Wouldn’t this be fun, you know, if you were actually doing it with someone you wanted to date.” She really doesn’t beat around the bush does she? Chester does a really good job of being a ridiculous asshole.

Taylor continues to work her magic, this time on Sandy, who ends up talking to Kirsten and laughing as if she hadn’t totally left him for her high school boyfriend.

Seth learns a bunch of background information about summer and starts to seduce her with talk of plastic toy horses.

Taylor realizes that perhaps the other thing she needs to fix is not Summer and Chester, but that she needs to talk to her bitchy mom.

Tate Donnovan discovers Julie and Chester in the bathroom and the shit starts to hit the fan – Kirsten and Sandy realize they have been played, Summer gets confused about her boyfriend being a total d-bag, if you will, and Seth defends her against Che, who gets distracted by someone else (Holly?).

This episode appears to be a cross between “Back to the Future,” “The Parent Trap,” and “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Julie to Sandy: “You only married me because I could mastermind your political career.” So true.

Taylor starts to do a weird breath-catching thing a la Jack Bauer circa torture scene season 2. Then she realizes she’s got to go, because the thing she needed to do was confront her mom (oh yeah, that happened, I just wasn’t interested in that plotline). She leaves Ryan behind to do his work. And Taylor wakes up. “Come back to me Ryan” she says. Yes, do it!

Ryan goes back to the firing squad. Things are completely wrong, he explains. (Summer: “Why am I not drunk yet?”) Ryan explains to summer that she’s with the wrong guy, that Kirsten hates the Newport group and she still has a drinking problem. Sandy doesn’t need to hole up in a mansion as mayor, he needs to save the little guy and be married to Kirsten. Ryan gets dragged out by a security guard.

Taylor, now awake, runs into her bitch of a mother and shoos her off to the airport. For some reason she is being nice to her, I guess cause she already bitched her out in a dream world, which is, um, not so efficient. Mini-comas must be good for your spirits.

Kirsten passes the Marissa letter on to Julie, who reads it even though it’s still not addressed to her, and meanwhile in alt-world Ryan hangs out in the jail with a drunk Santa. He gets bailed out by… Sandy! Just like it should be. Ryan asks how the family fell apart. Apparently after Marissa died, everyone got stuck – they didn’t’ know how to say goodbye. So very fitting. This show really IS genius! It all comes full circle!

Seth at the hospital is all full of Chrismukkah spirit and talking about the Christmas miracle and such. I mean Chrismukkah miracle. I suspected briefly that Kaitlin was stoned, because she was so excited to see the food, but apparently not.

In alt-world, Ryan hits up Marissa’s lifeguard stand for a little goodbye to his past. With a tripped out version of an old song that played in season one when Marissa almost died in TJ (Into Dust). How does he have a letter in this world too? Oh that’s the letter he had in his pocket when he passed out under the ladder. Yes!

Ryan wakes up to Taylor, which is fitting. Neither of them can remember what it was that is really bringing them together. Taylor looks good in a bathrobe. Oh, and Ryan looks good in a hospital gown… how un-hard he is.

This is sad. The British Library was so cool (except their gift shop sucked) and they had so much there. They even had a lot of nifty technology ("Turning the Pages") to make the stuff they have more interesting and accessible. And just think about what they have:

· The British Library receives a copy of every publication produced in the UK and Ireland. The collection now includes 150m items, in most languages

· The earliest dated printed book, the Diamond Sutra, of 868, can be seen in the exhibition galleries

· Also held are the Magna Carta, the Lindisfarne gospels, Leonardo da Vinci's Notebook, the Times from 1788, Beatles manuscripts and a recording of Nelson Mandela's trial speech

I highly recommend you browse their online galleries because they are super cool. The maps, Alice in Wonderland, whatever. Just go, do their "turn the pages" feature and imagine all that stuff in one room.

Why is it that my Costco doesn't have Ugg boots?

24 LIVEBLOG!

Below is an unedited liveblog of 24, season 3, episode 22. I wrote it after 2 drinks at the Nuthouse and "climbing Mount Everest" which was 4:30 minutes on the elliptical at top resistance - Ethan claimed that was climbing Mount Everest and I took him up on the challenge. While reading it you may thing that I am a) drunker than I am and b) obsessed with people dying but in response to those claims I say a) I'm a terrible typist so all these are mistakes I just normally correct in my liveblogs and this time didn't bother because I wanted to be true to the moment and b) If you watch 24 you develop very strong emotions in favor of or against the characters.

I think it would be cool to annotate this liveblog with comments and explanations but unfortunately Blogger doesn't have that feature. Wouldn't it be awesome if it did? Also, there are about 5 OC liveblogs forthcoming but I haven't edited them and I don't think you need to read typos of this sort more than once.

Warning: Spoilers ahead, if you ever plan on watching 24.

---the following takes place between 12:48am and 1:30am on the 27th of january--
---liveblog begins here---

Enter: 24 episode season 3, episode 22.

For some reason there is no public panic despite the fact that tens of thousands of people are infected with the Cordelia virus, which causes death by nose-bleeding and wart-like sores all over the body. No panic.

I don't trust anyone in this show.

The senator is at President Palmer's office blackmailin ghim with the help of Palmer's fucking uselses ex wife Shari Palmer who I HATE - just the fictional shari palmer not the real one. Palmer is of course uselessly moral and askes "what do you want" as though he doesnt know. the answer is resignation, whenevcer, with whatever face-saving reason he may give. whatshise name senator syas he is offerin ghim the chnac eto leave with honor. i wonder i fht ename senator kieillor is on purpose or not like its a legit reference to anything.

(catching up: kim is willing ot raise a cihld with useless beefcake chase whathis name. jack wa shardcore an totally caught up with tony almeida who is not lookin gho tin this episode/season in the middle of hte road and stopped him. they are in the middle of some ridiculous shit. i won't go into detial because really it's so obviously ridiculous this season that i can't explain. A VIRUS THAT KILLS PPL WITHIN SIX HOURS AND IS INFECTIOUS TO EVERYONE! CAN I JUST EXPLAIN HOW MANY NIGHTMARES HTI SHAS SCAUSED!!!)

jack and tony wait by a phone. tony still has a bullet hole in his neck and jack was addicdted to herion like 10 hours ago. but you know, they have nothing holding them back. the crazy british terrorist ("like those exist) tony is trying to second guess bauer which is like NOT going to happen because jack knwos all. tony calls jack on his shit - he says "didint you learn anything fro mwhat happned to teri" which is NOT what you want ot say to jack ever but epcislly when he's trying to kill terrorists. tony says just bc you are welling to sacrifice your wife doenst mean im ready to sarifice mine! oh snap. then th ephone right sprovign that jack was right not surprisingly. we hav ea dialogue about how jack was right lal ht etime even when he shot chapelle IN THE HEAD juts becaus ea terrorist said he had to and well so did ht epresidnet and there were extenuating circumstances but basically th epoint is that jack had to and so he did because jack knows no fear and has no real problem with killing anyone anytime. its necessary.

ravi sayds it the rants of the drunkard but 0- not true. i CLIMBED MOUNT EVEREST.

back to kim and chase she tells him to be careful and he says hell be fine whcih is not likely. chloe looks on sympathetically and knowingly becuas eshe is smar tyet annoying. she point sout ot kim that hter eis no way chase is quitting field ops. he is just like jack except he fucks shit up (an dehe cuts off ppls fingers FOR jack instead of doing it himself). chloe is always right. she fololows too much protocol but she's right

back to shari palmer. Hatred. that bitch SUCKSkkkksksksksksk or as nerds would say, she suxors. or something lik that. shari you are a manipulative whore. pleasee die already. ithink ihate you more than nina myers. you desrved to be thrown out lik ean old pair of hsoes.

david says shari ar eyou willing to go jail - and she says she's asked herself hta t amillion times. yes becas eyou are an effing criminal you beyotch.

jack and useless daughter (not kim, the othe ruselses duaghter) have conversatoin abo ther insane terrorist dad. she has aslight chin dimple as well as kim.

michelle is awesome. she fakes the virus to the guard who totally falls for it. she lik ejack bauer know she rshit. GO MICHELLE DONT DIE NOW YOU HAVE COME THIS FAR!!!! she is hard. she busts out. the crazy brit follows her out. they cant kill yher see, because she is necessary to their plot. lots of dark corridors .dont know why spies/agents wear crazy ass pointy heels and can be heard miles away. michelle is versus the crazy agents in the corridorso of this house. she seems to be successful except no service on cell phone. wwhow did she GET a cell phone? ok she's outdoors, just barely. now sutkc in some crazy barbed wire cage situation around the fence. its ok thoug hshe stil has a phone. calling chloe who covers her shit. their cells sure dont seem to be working well. you'd think they'd be better at this. michell evades the crazy terrorist by ducking undergorund again. yes! michell1 you are way more hardcore than i ever thought you'd be ebfore.

brits are always evil in movies this is true ethan you speak the truth.

wayne, dont ou know you should balance goatee iwth hair on top of your head?

shari is an evil whore. the palmer brother discuss the situation.

are they talking about killing shari? please let them kill her.

kim calls jack, michelle got free, patching throuhg. as usual. she is somewhere outside. jack wnats her to give herself up. jack if this doenst work out tony will hat eyou forever. JACK do nto fuck this up. michell ehas to give herself up even thoug hshe's out. jack what ht ehell. serioulsly.

michelle "accidentally" gets cuaght by saunders the brit. nice one jcak. now tony hates you too. wayne walks throuhg parking lots which i feel like should be more supsicitous for like an NSA person. wyane talks to toxton who is apparnetly a bad guy. he is stubborn and wants th eapproval from the preisidnet which seems silly from an asssassin. leav eht ecar parked in the middle of hte street why dont you. very productive and inconspicuous.

back at ht esaunders exhange spot the guys hid ebeind tires. SO not obvious. tony is freaking out but only calmly. surprisng how quickly he gave up.

alright. vans show up, michelle is inside. with all the bad guys.l tony has the duaghter. come on let this go off with out a hitch. michelle is so screwed. the duaghter is so screwed. oh my god this is so nerve wracking. come on michelle go faster.

ok so that was ridiculous. tony is covering michelle and the daughter ran away becaus eshe is too scared of her evil dad, no surpsris.e evil dad freak out in middl eof hte melee and runs away. jack follwos saunders and there is a a helicopter on saunders side. oh my god are those fucking f18s? this season is amaaazing. jack hides while saunders runs. that helicopter SUCKS. wathc htis military plane fucking bomv that helicopter. DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!! yes!!! THAT WAS AWESOSME!!!!! the f18s are awesome. can we discuss.

teh bigger question is where is the virus? michelle survived thank god. that couple seriously is awesome. please, please have lots of bebaies like right now.

jack come sup to saunders. who says that its just beginning. he syas he will kill millions unless she gets what he wants. whatever that may be.

2 hours left. no idea whats going to happen.

PLEASE go to this website. Look at the slideshow of photos on the front page. Notice the 80s bikini calendar shot of the woman with her hair tossed back and a dog over her shoulder. Enjoy.

I'm sorry I've turned into a cat (and owl, hedgehog, deer, elephant) lady but I just can't help it they are so hilarious and weird. Here's a silly and funny cat video that proves my point.

This was a sweet article about E.B. White earlier this week in the New York Times. I actually felt a little tiny stinging in my eyes reading it. I think it's because of the part in the Sara Nelson book where she is reading Charlotte's Web with her son and he says she is like Charlotte and she is thinking about the part where they say Charlotte was a good friend and a good writer. Damn, I'm tearing up just thinking about that. I feel like I need to reread Charlotte's Web because I keep finding myself getting overemotional about it.

Edit: Found the section from Sara Nelson's book:

"So who was your favorite character, Mom?" Charley asked.

"I think Charlotte," I said.

"That figures," he replied. "She's sort of like you."

I'd hoped he'd say that. I secretly thought of myself as Charlotte, especially when I read White's epitaph for her: "It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both." Did my son believe these things about me?

"Yeah? Why do you think so?" I was fishing.

"Well," he said seriously, "she's a girl, but she's still sort of nice. And also, she's really, really bossy."

(From Parenting)

Hey look! Now when you search Google video, you get Youtube results! You never need to go to Youtube's main page again!

Your friendly update from your local internet monkey.

I have to admit I don't think I ever heard of the World Economic Forum until about a month ago. Now I know about it. And it's sort of weird to read articles where they are talking about the attendees and be like... well, yes, yes, and yes, I knew that. Sure, the it's public knowledge, I guess, if you are an avid follower of Davos news (if such a thing exists) but I feel sort of minorly yet intimately connected with articles like these, namedropping people who work about 250 feet away from me.

Maybe I just haven't gotten used to the ubiquitousness of my company in the news. It's one thing to read about a company, another thing to work at one, but reading about the company where you work (and here everyone is very invested in the company and involved and has a chance of making an impact across the entire company) in the news is an entirely different animal.

Side note: I honestly think Davos sounds fun. Solving the world's economic problems at cocktail hours and nightcaps!

Oh my god this is awful.

The first eight stories appear with photos of models as Laura instead of with the Garth Williams illustrations. (The text is unchanged.) "Girls might feel the Garth Williams art is too old-fashioned," says Tara Weikum, executive editor for the "Little House" series. "We wanted to convey the fact that these are action-packed. There were dust storms and locusts. And they had to build a cabin from scratch." (The new tag line: "Little House, Big Adventure.")

Why? Just - Why?

More thoughts on the Oscars:

Nice how both Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio got shoved out of nominations for The Departed. I think Leo was nominated for supporting in something else (Globes maybe) but he was really kind of the star, but he got nominated for actor in Blood Diamond instead. I feel like no one could decide if they were actors or supporting actors so they got the shaft and Mark Wahlberg got the nomination for supporting. Which he was good at, I guess, although really he was just sort of full of rage the entire movie. Actually thinking about it he was pretty good - I imagine he was much more complex of a character than I could comprehend while on a plane (which is where I saw The Departed).

Going along with the Am Idol Oscar nomination and the Marky Mark nomination we also of course have Eddie Murphy, which, really, no words. If he wins it means movies like Nutty Professor 5 will get to say "Featuring Oscar winner Eddie Murphy!" This is not a novel remark I realize but seriously, please sit back and think about this for one moment.

I haven't seen any of the movies in the Best Actor category. Only 2 in the Best Actress. I think Adriana Barraza should win for Babel, but then again that Rinko Kikuchi girl was really good too and so was the Little Miss Sunshine girl.

Wait, I just got down to best adapted screenplay:

BORAT?

AWESOME.

So I haven't seen Dreamgirls or anything but can we have a brief moment of silent respect/awe/weirdness for the former American Idol contestant turned ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE??

Really, this says it all about modern America. It really is the American dream, guys! WITH RYAN SEACREST IN A STARRING ROLE!

(Side note: I think Ryan Seacrest has a star on the Hollywood walk of fame, which doesn't mean much because so does Donald Trump. But seriously, this is America, people.)

Really, if you haven't seen this yet, you have to. It's like the cuddliest thing ever. I want a pet lion. Or pet tiger.

Dad told me that when he saw the trailer for [the original] Star Wars in a theater, he and his friends laughed at it and wondered who the hell would ever go see it.

Now I know why.

First of all they clearly don't have the intimidating Moviefone movie preview voice guy. So take off half the points for there. All I know is they certainly got better at movie previews since the 70s. Lesson learned.

Listen to this "Open Toes" song on McPhever's Myspace. Please explain the lyrics to me. Is it about sandals?

Also imagine people dancing to this in a club on, say, pub night? Better yet, on the beer-sticky floor of Sigma Nu? I can't decide if this is going to default to being a hit since it sounds like Beyonce, or if it's just weird.

Also, at this point I've been "scooped" by Best Week Ever, but seriously this video actually made me cry just a little bit. First for the sadness of a penguin living in Japan in non cold weather and then for the adorableness of a penguin wearing a penguin backpack! Why isn't this a children's book already?

(And really it came from C.O. first so no one is scooping anyone. Except, the penguin is sort of scooping up that fish. Ah cuteness.)

Money money money monay

Is this my future?

These purchases harken back to a time when far fewer women worked and in some cases received allowances from their husbands, whose hold on the family purse strings enforced their power as head of household. But today, even though about 56.2 percent of women 16 and older work and though marriage has become much more of a partnership of equals, a surprising number of women still find it necessary to hide how much they spend on personal items, especially stereotypical female indulgences like clothing.

“Women have this fear about their spouse’s reaction to their shopping bills,” said Amy DiFrisco, who was a witness to cash buying as a personal shopper at Bergdorf Goodman for nearly a decade. “Cash lets them avoid that confrontation.”

Realistically speaking I don't ever plan on money laundering my grocery bills, but once I did resist buying a magazine off the rack in Sean's presence and then go back later and buy it. (He caught me. Ha.)

Side note: I think (and so does Mozilla's spell check) that the New York Times spelled "hearken" wrong.

Ew, EW, EW.

New Year's Resolutions

Only one soda a day (also, only one caffeinated beverage per day)
Exercise regularly
Keep up blog (4+ entries per week)
Keep consistent health routines (vitamins, floss)
Write down "memoir" style essays/memories - not because they will be that interesting to anyone but me, but just to spend some time thinking seriously about my own life
Read more
Keep a reading journal. Not in order to keep up with this kind of detail, but just to have a record of really reading and to force myself to think about my books
Write more.
Find something in my job I like and am good at besides administrative bullshit
Oh, and finish watching 24 seasons 3-5

I started my resolutions a little late because I was in England and then scatterbrained. So I have forgiven myself for initial distractions/trespasses in this past week while I've been settling in. I've kept up some of this stuff already (soda, flossing, the easy stuff) but starting this weekend is when I'm committing to it. Normally I wouldn't exactly post all this for public consumption although I know it's not that interesting, but I really do want to commit to it. My overall goal is to make the little things routine so that I can focus on the big things like thinking and intellectualism and writing and, you know, my future.

(Edit: oh, also to travel at least somewhere new. Sara invited me to Houston, or else I want to go to Boston.)

(Edit 2: Also, spend money rationally, even though I have more of it than I used to. Aaaand, catch up on sleep, especially while Sean is gone. And when I do spend money, buy things I deliberately want/need, not just things I have an impulse for at the time. And, spend some time cooking - don't just let Google dinners dictate my diet.)

Augh, so true. Although, living on campus for 4 years, I was never such a starving college student as to eat ramen for every meal (that's Santiago's territory), I definitely ate my fair share, generally cup of noodle (not the traditional cellophaned ramen brick, but the little styrofoam cup that I feel sooo comfortable putting in the microwave). I have fond memories of oversleeping for brunch, borrowing Laurel and Amelia's hotpot, and brewing up a nice sodium filled breakfast.

Ramen noodles, by contrast, are a dish of effortless purity. Like the egg, or tea, they attain a state of grace through a marriage with nothing but hot water. After three minutes in a yellow bath, the noodles soften. The pebbly peas and carrot chips turn practically lifelike. A near-weightless assemblage of plastic and foam is transformed into something any college student will recognize as food, for as little as 20 cents a serving.

There are some imperfections. The fragile cellophane around the ramen brick tends to open in a rush, spilling broken noodle bits around. The silver seasoning packet does not always tear open evenly, and bits of sodium essence can be trapped in the foil hollows, leaving you always to wonder whether the broth, rich and salty as it is, is as rich and salty as it could have been. The aggressively kinked noodles form an aesthetically pleasing nest in cup or bowl, but when slurped, their sharp bends spray droplets of broth that settle uncomfortably about the lips and leave dots on your computer screen.

Now I think about it, the article should think about those cup of noodles. They require even less than ramen - you don't even need a freaking bowl! It also doesn't even consider EasyMac. No one eats regular mac'n'cheese any more in college - who has fresh butter and milk sitting around? It's definitely in ramen territory as far as ease goes.

So take that, Times editorialist. You really don't know your instant noodles - although you can write about them rather eloquently, so I'll give you that.

On an unrelated note, Times online has this feature where you can press alt and click on any word and get a definition or encyclopedia entry. That's pretty cool!

This video clip really is hilarious. I kind of love John Mayer, still. Anyway, this is representative of the kind of morons who show up to John Mayer concerts in $80 white t-shirts and spend all their time gossiping amongst themselves until songs that played on the radio or were on the CD in between the two biggest radio hits.

I have to admit I love this bit of Chris Holt's column in the Stanford Daily:

A lot of your holiday parties take place back at home with your high school friends. In addition to everything being holiday themed, you’re partying with people you don’t see on a regular basis...So you go to the only common ground you have: you are all sexually frustrated college students who watch “Arrested Development.” After you’ve established that A) Yes it’s a great show B) Oh it’s sad it’s been canceled...

I really like this Flickr slideshow of trashed Christmas trees on the streets of London.

via BoingBoing

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Dedicated Reader You are always trying to find the time to get back to your book. You are convinced that the world would be a much better place if only everyone read more.
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

thanks to Ellen.

So, you'd think I'd be able to score highly on this but no:


I'm not ready to be a noogler yet...

Anyway there was an article about how Google is the #1 place to work. You can take the quiz and see if you are more qualified to work here than me. (I got the question about interviewing wrong. Whoops. Somehow I thought it was important to be an independent worker AND have a sense of humor AND have outside interests... guess I was wrong.)

The union of two of my favorite shows.... sadly I wasn't watching.