This is a tangent, sort of.

Where the hell is my Modern Bride when I need it!?!

Today is like most other days. I sign online at work, open up my Times, my Bookslut, my Pinkisthenewblog, and I begin to distract myself from the very little work I have to do. Like most other days, I discover that I have more tabs open in Mozilla Firefox than I could read in a day off work, much less one where I am occasionally called to duty. Also, like most other days, I read something in a blog that is tangentially related to something I once wanted to blog about but since I am blogging for a very small audience and have no connections in the writing world, I either did not blog about it or already did but half-heartedly and to no critical acclaim (no offense).

Today the subject in question is bridal magazines. A couple of months ago, I became fascinated with the cover of a Martha Stewart Weddings mag - the one with a background the cover of a Tiffany's box and a zillion alluring sparkles in the form of a few perfect (ridiculous) engagement rings. Have no fear anyone (this applies equally to friends, family and Sean) - I am not obsessed with marriage nor am I anywhere close to joining the wedded world - but I am like a magpie when it comes to sparkly things and I'm sorry to say that engagement rings are included in that category. Each time I went to the grocery store, I struggled with the temptation to buy a copy of Martha Stewart Weddings, and I finally triumphed. (It's no longer in stores.)

Around the same time, Sean (the bargain obsessed) discovered a way to get a bunch of random, second-tier magazines for free, including Modern Bride. Never one to pass on a deal, he subscribed (and by the way, now gets about 5 totally free magazines in his p.o. box every time he checks his mail), and my Modern Bride arrived soon after.

Conclusion: That shit is really hilarious. I learned so much useless information (especially useless to me, now, at this stage in my life, but pretty much useless for all other people, too, as far as I can tell) - like how "Groom's cakes" are coming back in style. Oh yes, that is so helpful since I was terribly worried that giving my hubby-to-be an ugly cake decorated "like one of his favorite hobbies or activities" - in my case those activities are table tennis and shoot dog - was going to be old-fashioned and passe. My main reaction to the magazine was just short of my reaction to shows like "Wife Swap" - somewhere between fascinated, disgusted and awed.

At the risk of repeating past mistakes, I will admit that bridal magazines are also fascinating because they are pretty and show pretty flowers and awesome looking party venues, and the event planner/girl in me likes those things. I'm just sort of amazed by how much energy (and how many publications) is devoted to what amounts to one day in your life. (Okay, maybe a few more if you are either zealous or have bad taste in spouses.) And I wanted to devote a lovely blog entry to Modern Bride and its counterparts.

I left my magazine at Arielle and Beth's room, which for those of you who don't know, is about the size of a solitary confinement cell only filled with 584395408490423 pairs of shoes, books, sheep mobiles, and random other accoutrements of college life, and when I went back this past week to retrieve it, it was gone, even though I looked underneath the bed and in all of Arielle's drawers (sorry).

Then I read this article and I sort of felt like there was no real option for me to write thoughtfully and originally about bridal magazines, even though I also personally think that I come from a different point of view (i.e. I have never planned a wedding for myself, even to this day). But I do agree that bridal magazines should actually condense themselves into vaguely useful manuals with guidelines on how to keep your drunken single friends from saying inappropriate things to you about your honeymoon (cf: Bethany's wedding), or what to do if you forgot to order flowers for the church (cf: Ramona Quimby, Age 8). I could say very pertinent things about wedding magazines, and for that matter, a lot of other things as well.

Hence my conclusion, as I have said in previous entries, that I should be a freelance writer. But I either don't actually have the talent I suspect I could have if I tried, or I just haven't tried. I don't know which is worse.

And it doesn't help, incidentally, that about a million people out there thinking the same thing, and that, in fact, the people who write these articles I read really haven't "made it" either but are still living in tiny apartments in obscurity. Come on, isn't a West Coast Ivy education worth anything anymore? Hire me for my potential!!