OC Liveblog 5 - Sleeping Beauty

Seth and Ryan have active evenings. Ryan watches Bollywood because he’s apparently insomniac, but Seth needs to keep him company because he has dreams about Summer marrying Ralph Nader. Apparently Ryan is capable of finding lots of Bollywood movies at his local Hollywood Video. Who knew there were this many unique world movies available in Newport? Here I thought Orange County was a cultural wasteland.

Seth inserts his first Borat reference of the show with a nice “Nice,” then exits when his dad comes in. Sandy’s sweater matches his water bottle, and he is a surfer stud. Kirsten, bringing up the dating service for the second time this season (it is her livelihood, after all), says she needs a new slogan for “New Match.” I think she needs a new name for the service but who am I. Taylor shows up coincidentally in a hot little black number and primps her way to the poolhouse to deliver some coffee to sexy Ryan without a shirt. Girl has a major jones for the Ryan. This plotline is fabulous and Taylor looks very good in the Newport sunlight, a fact that seems to be escaping Ryan. Taylor has not stopped smiling this entire time, another reason why I love her. She doesn’t break down under pressure.

She says “I have never appreciated how funny Ryan is,” tipping the parents off to her new infatuation. Come on Taylor you are more subtle than this! Actually you aren’t, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the wits to win your man. Do it!

Julie has slutted it up with a Ryan lookalike, slightly slimmer of course. Caitlin is on to her, and eating breakfast, once again driving home the unbelievable premise in Newport that everyone wakes up early enough to eat full meals before going to work or school because apparently they don’t sleep.

Taylor runs to Seth for help nailing Ryan (yes, I said nailing, I feel like it’s appropriate here). Her bangs are not looking so hot, but she is quick to catch Seth in an evasive “Ah” maneuver – she is rather self-aware, that one. She admits to a “psychological predilection to become romantically attachéd to men who are nice to me” and her Gilmore-girls-speed-speech wears Seth down to the point where he’s willing to give in. This strange mall where Ryan works has never before appears on the OC and I have a feeling that it’s an entirely new set (cheaper, to make up for terrible ratings). They sure run through their local hangouts fast around here. Seth calls Ryan and asks him if he’s ready to date again. He doesn’t know. Thank you for that absorbing plot moment.

Seth tells Taylor not to get involved with Ryan cause he’s an insomniac mess which, naturally, gives her an idea. Taylor, like Summer, is never without a plan.

Meanwhile, Summer and Paul Rudd sneak into a lab with little rabbits in cages, scoping out the scene for a breakout. Summer’s pseudonym is Betty and Paul’s is Lou. Yes, this is a kind of weak plotline. Moving on.

Caitlin hits on her tennis instructor. She is in really good shape – better than Marissa I think because it looks legit like she works out and doesn’t just starve herself. Tennis instructor is hot piece of man meat causing Julie to say “Easy girl,” which is the second use of that line in the episode. Good times. Spencer is NOT a hot name, I’m sorry to say, but that does not affect Julie cause she is ready to go play tennis with the hottie.

Kirsten has a new office that looks just like the old Newport Group office and is decorated with Ikea chic – the mark of any good startup company. Apparnetly they are in a bad spot because some other Laguna dating service is selling out to a company with more money. Yippee, Sandy is hooking her up with some tax fraud type, cause you know, they haven’t done enough dirty business in this office.

Summer and Paul Rudd bust into the rabbit lab to break out the rabbits from their cage. Apparently Paul Rudd is going to Pied Piper these little bunnies all the way out. Apparently on campus guerrillas have headlamps. The rabbits are not at all interested in the flute playing a la Dwight Shrute.

Indie reader Ryan is reading Twilight of the Superheroes, having replaced Seth as the nerdy trendsetter. Taylor hits him up with her foolproof advice for treating sleep disorders and makes him promise to meet her at the diner. Where is she sleeping again? The Coopers'? It looks like she’s in Summer’s old bed. Again, why are these people never too busy to meet for brunch?

Another strange indie placement for Indie 103.1 on Taylor’s 6am alarm – a real radio station but I’ve never heard anything on it and I doubt Taylor listens to it (then again I’ve never listened to it at 6am).

Taylor gets straight to business asking how much of the insomnia is related to Marissa and he says it started after Thanksgiving. Her vocabulary is pretty good, as is her analysis of Ryan only sleeping because in the morning he could look forward to killing Volchek. Open-eyed stares, Taylor, are not subtle. Professionalism, my friend. You can do it!

Julie and Caitlin do doubles with Spencer the tennis instructor and Julie is hopping her way around while Caitlin sucks it up hardcore to a peppy cover of Modest Mouse “Float On.” I love Caitlin, she really does not let her mom get away with shit and tosses Julie’s racket over the fence. Creepy mother-daughter conflict over the guy.

Sandy hangs out with the tannest orangiest person ever on this television show, with a nice Texan accent. I suppose this is the person he wants to fund Kirsten’s company. Tan Texan apparently hates all races besides his own orange one, crying “Shiite Muslims” when he makes a good golf swing. Sandy’s just trying to get his cash.

Seth tells Ryan he was into recycling before it was cool, proving his cred once again and is counting down til the day he can call Summer again, who we haven’t seen in a while. He is pissed with Taylor for using Ryan’s weakness to get closer to him, and Taylor thinks he just doesn’t think she’s good enough because “she’s no Marissa.” She is twice the woman Marissa ever was!

Summer’s outfit is super cute but her roommate’s is really annoying. Nice big heart earrings, Megan from Felicity (thanks Kelly). Summer learns from the roommate that the rabbits were actually just being observed for social habits or some such and also that the Dean’s Office called to see both her and Paul Rudd. Apparently they were picked out of a Facebook lineup (nice). Paul calls her Caterpillar, which is, um, awful. He really is like a B character from Felicity. Why! Why! Summer has the fat rabbit under her bed which is not at all incriminating.

Caitlin, with her bathing suit about a millimeter above her pubic hair, discovers her mom has stolen her hottie tennis man. Welcome to Marissa’s world, my friend. Julie is kind of a skank.

Taylor decks Ryan’s bedroom out in candles and wears only leggings and a PJ top. Apparently people sleep better with warm bodies next to them – it’s “completely nonsexual.” Subtlety, Taylor. She manages to do a good job dissembling when Ryan calls her on her shit and luckily she’s so nutso to begin with he kind of has to take her at her word. Massage begins. Cut!

Next morning, Seth comes in to Ryan’s room to discover only Taylor hanging in her koala PJ top. Is it a koala? Can’t tell. Ryan returns from a jog and apparently he did not sleep all night, just read in the chair. Taylor slacked on her job and slept all night. Ryan as usual says he needs to go through it on his own. Stay strong, Taylor! You can do it. You are cleverer than this.

CAITLIN STOP WEARING SHIT THAT LOOKS LIKE IT CAME FROM LINDSAY LOHANS LAUNDRY! Apparently Julie is actually going to this charity where she’s being delivered like a lamb to the Tan Texan slaughter, and Caitlin invites herself and “someone who can drive,” aka the Hottie Tennis Instructor. Trouble is brewing.

Summer owns up to the bunny stealing, but won’t turn in Paul Rudd. She can’t betray the new her, apparently, which means not betraying “the movement” and didgeridoo jams.

Taylor jacked Caitlin’s bee pheromones lipgloss, which is an excuse for them to talk. These two are like my favorite pair on the show. Taylor asks Caitlin’s advice, which is to “dress up fabulous and go someplace you’ll know he’ll be there.” Apparently Taylor has a great butt that she is not using to her advantage. I want more Caitlin and Taylor time! However, this scene should be more ironic give how Caitlin is sincere about 1 day a year.

At the endless charity, Julie is patient with the orange Texan while Ryan is bored. Taylor shows up in red, always a nice touch if you are in a black and white party or Schindler’s List. I can’t believe I just made that joke. Taylor whips around to show off the ass and we learn after three years of Ryan dating Marissa the Assless Wonder that he IS an ass man.

Turns out hottie tennis instructor is actually Orange Texan’s son, so Julie is in a bit of a pickle and so is New Match.

Seth and Sandy have a little man to man where Sandy says Ryan needs Taylor’s touch (and oh, does he). Seth perhaps reconsiders the anti-Taylor mission, which is probably just him being angry about not having a girlfriend and losing an ex-crusher to Ryan. Ryan and Taylor have a nice dance where Ryan makes a real joke – it’s nice to see him do that sometimes. Seth steps up with the joking support to Ryan for the Taylor thing, and Ryan puts his foot in his mouth as only people who are not Ryan usually do. Taylor overhears and bails, forcing Ryan to chase her. While admitting she has a problem liking men who are nice to her, Taylor’s psych analysis of Ryan (he can’t get emotionally close to anyone again so soon after Marissa) once again proves correct and shows that she perhaps is better for Ryan than he knows yet.

Caitlin and Julie hash it out over the whole Bullet (apparently that’s Tan Texan’s name)/Hottie Tennis Instructor issue.

Turns out Paul Rudd has no principles and told the board that Summer was the one who did all the sabotage that semester. She might get kicked out of Brown – which would really bring her back to Newport for more slackage, just like everyone else. I doubt that would happen cause even now I have faith that Josh Schwartz won’t cop out on me.

Caitlin basically pimps out her mom to Tan Texan, who changes his mind about the monetary support for the New Match thing after all, and Julie and Caitlin hit up the hot guy at the ice cream store. Like mother, like daughter.

Seth comes home to call Summer to find Taylor in his room with a tin of Chinese tea to stop insomnia. Seth says “I never thought I’d see you quitting,” trying to “Jedi mind trick” her into, well, not quitting. You know, it’s called reverse psychology. Taylor leaves, and Seth answers the first phone call from Summer all year, thank God for asshole hippies for brining this couple back together. She doesn’t tell him about the whole being-kicked-out-of-Brown thing, just about the fat rabbit.

Taylor brings Ryan the tea and he says she is amazing and he “wishes he did feel something” for her. Taylor says that if he kisses her, he’ll feel it. This girl has balls, really. Seriously, this plotline is awesome. They kiss, obvi, and Taylor runs off, leaving Ryan saying “Whoa” alone in his room. And falling asleep, so turns out true love solves all.

Next week: Ryan daydreams about a sexy, stripteasing, soapy Taylor. Really.