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The OC Liveblog Episode 15 - The Night Moves

This may ruin the whole liveblog gimmick I've got going on here - but this episode really made me totally nostalgic and sad and disappointed that the OC is ending. It's really been good this season - funny, and Ryan has a real personality, and Julie Cooper isn't just a heartless bitch, and I only want to slap Kirsten some of the time, and Summer got environmental - it's really been good. And this episode was like a last episode. I suspect next's week will be more like a clipshow - fall prey to the Seinfeld ending where it is too aware of its imminent demise to keep the pace up. Maybe next week will be good, who knows, but I do know that this week felt like an end. Each second I was more aware that the OC was ending, and that these characters are going to be frozen in time, no longer developing or changing (if they ever did). And it did make me sad, that only in this last moment are they really coming into their own, rather than three years ago. And also it made me sad that this show I have literally watched EVERY EPISODE OF is going off the air. I know I am being melodramatic but seriously... why does it have to end!?!!?

Also, on a side note, I want to say that I felt rather riveted to the episode, mostly because it turns out earthquakes that knock out powerlines and hot water and trap people in their homes and businesses are really scary. Who knew that the OC could instill the fear of "the Big One" that no Discovery Channel special could? I felt some genuine panic and worry throughout the episode, which may have changed the tone of my blog this time around. God, just wait until next week. I'm going to be a headcase. Anyway, without further ado:

Yikes, Ryan and Taylor are trapped under the glass cabinet. Ryan pushes it up to let Taylor out, but now he is still stuck, kind of. At least mostly. Taylor apologizes for freaking out in a crisis. Ryan says it’s ok, he’s still ok. Taylor continues to panic. She thinks that glitter fallen from the cabinet is blood. She starts talking about how they are going to deal with crises when they are in college together. Ryan says not to talk about the whole future and college thing but instead to deal with the present. Good call. Taylor has rudimentary supplies stockpiled somewhere. Ryan is starting to feel weird and he actually does have blood on himself somewhere. His hearing is starting to be a little loopy. He says he isn’t getting good reception and is going in the hall. Way to cover up for, you know, bleeding.

Cut to another scene, I believe this is Kirsten and Sandy. So was Kirsten not pinned under anything? This is crazy there is a power outage and they are listening to an emergency radio. Sandy is kind of taking charge with some crazy loopy idiot housewife character. He says to look for anything useful like batteries and flashlights and blankets. Kirsten is freaking out because she can’t reach the boys. Then she gets a call and its Ryan. Sandy gets a call and it’s Seth. They are ok but the car is crushed. This is really scary. Summer found a flashlight. Seth says his dad wanted them to get off the street and Seth’s first thought was zombies. Ha. Then he gets a text from Ryan’s that says to get to the Coopers' house fast to give him help and not to tell summer. WHY are you asking other teenagers to help you with your BLEEDING?! I guess old habits die hard. No one ever asks for help from a grownup in this show.

Cut to the ice cream store where Julie and Caitlin appear to be fine, then to Ryan and Taylor with candles, then to Seth and summer on a bike. Where did they get the bike? They see a bunch of ambulances and police cars. Summer wants Seth to stop because they aren’t listening to his dad. They are supposed to go home to the Cohen house. Seth points out that they don’t know if pancakes is ok, which convinces Summer to pedal ahead. Riding on the handlebars is totally a good idea, especially if aftershocks come.

In the ice cream store, Caitlin is eating while Julie tries to escape. She calls Frank Atwood who does not pick up and says she hopes he’s ok. Caitlin wants to know why she’s still calling him. They are stuck with a crazy ice cream store guy in a snazzy apron. The ice cream guy seems to have a thing for Caitlin and knows her favorite ice cream. Julie comes up with a plan for him to climb out through the roof.

Taylor busts out the crazy safety kit and this whole multifunctional crazy radio/compass thing. Plus North Korean currency. Because you never know. Taylor wants to know why Ryan is still wearing a jacket. Taylor wants to go check and see if her mom is ok. Ryan tells her they can’t do that because they are waiting for Seth. Way to cover for your whole bleeding thing.

Sandy is taking charge at the mall leading people through the crisis. How crazy is this. Kirsten says this is like Berkeley in 1989. She says Sandy is being sexy. Sandy is still worried about Kirsten and she says it breaks her heart to see Newport like this. Then Sandy gets a call from Frank Atwood who appears to be in some traffic jam. He doesn’t know where Julie is and is freaking out. Crazy.

The ice cream guy is checking out the roof situation which does not seem to be happening. He says that they are on an island all alone. Not metaphorically. The pier has been washed out.

Summer and Seth show up at the Coopers where Summer and Taylor freak out to look for Pancakes and Ryan and Seth are looking shifty cause Seth knows something is up. They tell the girls to stay and lock the doors and not leave. Seth says to Summer that pancakes needs her right now. Taylor thinks the boys are being weird. Summer thinks they are being normal and all she cares about is Pancakes.

Outside, Ryan shows Seth what’s going on with the bleeding out of the side and stuff. He has a total slice of glass in his side like straight out of 24. He is looking a little faded.

Sort of fadey technoey music playing as they cut between people. Seth and Ryan are in a car driving to the hospital. Seth is kind of not so much doing a good job of getting to the hospital, and Ryan is looking sweaty and worn out, and Seth realizes that they hit something. It’s not a body or anything, just a tire.

Julie and Caitlin are having fun singing karaoke with ice cream cones and entertaining the ice cream guy without meaning to. He thinks that the song is too sexual to be part of Caitlin’s childhood history. They taunt Gary the ice cream guy with his lack of social life. They encourage him to talk about this girl he is obsessed with. The Cooper women are hilarious. They counsel the ice cream guy on his sad social situation of being an ice cream guy. They tell him today is his lucky day. Ha! They are going to do a makeover. Julie has nail scissors in her purse.

Ryan is going to walk Seth through fixing the tire. Seth thinks he can’t do it but Ryan has to tell him to do it. Oh man this is terrifying, I really need to learn how to change a tire. Ryan is looking really freaked out. Seth confesses that he is a big worrier and used to make lists to distract himself from the bad things. Ryan asks if he wants to make a list. This is really awkward and sad. Seth says “You could start with everyone you’ve ever punched in the face since you came to Newport.” This is a long list, mostly Luke. Luke got out of Newport just in time. Really.

Taylor and Summer are looking in the attic for the bunny which seems unlikely, except that they have looked everywhere else. As though the bunny couldn’t move ever. They freak out because there is a skeleton in the attic, her dad’s practice skeleton from med school. Taylor is still freaking out about her mom not calling yet because she thinks her mom doesn’t care about her. Summer tells her she’s learned that they need to make their own family. They hear a sound in the vent. This is terrifying. They hear a sound and then Pancakes comes out of the vent. Yikes it’s an afterthought! Scary!!!!!! I hate this.

During the aftershock, the jack breaks under the car, and in the mall Sandy can’t find Kirsten who seems to have fallen down. Why? Did something hit her? She says something is not right. This is where the miscarriage comes in? Sandy looks impassioned. He is good at that.

More quiet fade-in-fade-out on all the characters. Ryan and Seth are so fucked. All the cell and GPS on the car are out. Seth says he has to go on foot to get help. Ryan says he is going with. Seth says he will go by himself and Ryan says what about the zombies. Ridiculousness. They continue with the list of people Ryan hit. This is basically a recap of Ryan’s entire history of everything. This is scary, like they are preparing us for Ryan to die. Cause Seth is saying self referential things about how people were rooting for that Johnny guy to get punched in the face.

At the hospital, they won’t see Kirsten because she isn’t bleeding and doesn’t have anything breaking. Sandy is pleading with the doctor when some guy tells them they can have his spot. So they go.

Julie tells Kaitlin not to worry and Kaitlin says how can I not, we going out to sea. Julie is about to go up through the roof when the kid says he is having an asthma attack. He totally needs them to pay attention to him and lies back on the counter gasping. Then Caitlin tries to give him CPR and he tries to kiss her. Suspicious.

Taylor tells Summer they should be worrying about the guys being missing, and Summer says she is, but she has to think about other things instead so they are looking for Pancakes. Then they hear a loud crash from downstairs and freak out and have to hide. Looters! Or zombies!

Julie and Caitlin are fighting with the ice cream guy. Julie says do you even like Bob Seger? (One thing this show nails is obscure facts about characters that happened in season 1.) He says that the earthquake felt like fate, he didn’t want it to end so he capitalized on the whole Caitlin thing. As they are starting to process this, Frank bursts in and the pier is fine. Turns out the creepy guy totally lied about the pier being washed out because he wanted them to stay.

Kirsten’s baby is not dead or anything yet, but it seems to be ok for now. They have to do more tests.

Seth is talking Ryan through everything but Ryan seems to be fading in and out. Very freaky. Seth is talking and talking and Ryan says he cant go, Seth needs to go alone. Ryan is totally going to fall over right now. He sits down. Seth this is your moment to shine, you have to be a hero here. Do it. Ryan! Pull yourself together! Seth runs off to find help. Where are they even. Does he know?

Taylor opens this box where it turns out she has a gun. She is so scary sometimes. She says it’s Jimmy Cooper’s flare gun. She says it’s cold and shiny and feels so good. They hear a noise downstairs. This is terrifying. Summer says they need to go attack the zombie. They head down with a flashlight and Taylor ahead with the gun. What the hell is going on? Turns out it’s Taylor’s mom who she just accidentally shot.

Fade in fade out, we are all worried. Kirsten with the ultrasound, Ryan on the curb. Taylor’s mom is all pissed that she got shot at and says she is not going to be fine during sandals season because her toe got shot. Pancakes is hurt and limping and Summer is freaking. Summer says she has to get the rabbit help. She says she has a missing boyfriend and a sick rabbit and can’t deal with Taylor’s mom whining. Taylor says she is going with her. Summer has an idea, which is that the mom is going to sit in a wagon and Taylor is going to bike ahead.

Caitlin is raiding the candy at the ice cream place and the guy is trying to make her listen and says that tonight is the best night of his life. Caitlin is not taking this shit. She tells him she’s a fan of ice cream and he was good at the asthma attack and says she’ll stop by when the ice cream place is working again. Why does she random have sympathy for freaks?

Quote from ice cream guy:

Best. Earthquake. Ever.

Sandy is trying to get the test results on Kirsten but the hospital is kind of backed up. He wants to know what is going on first because he doesn't want bad news to get sprung on Kirsten randomly. He says they had been looking forward to an empty nest before they found out but now he cant imagine anything worse than an empty nest. This is all very scary.

Down at the pier there are bums with fires. Seth recognizes one of the bums from the Thanksgiving event. All Daryl has is the shopping cart, but he would rather give up his pants. Seth hands him the keys to the Range Rover in exchange for the shopping cart and goes off running to find Ryan.

Summer at the hospital is trying to get help for the bunny. How come it took them like 1 second to get to the hospital but Seth and Ryan got lost? Lame. Summer sweettalks the guy at the hospital who refused Kirsten to please take the bunny. He agrees.

In the car with frank, Julie and Caitlin, Caitlin apologizes for the clown porn etc. She claims she found the clown porn in Dr Roberts’ study. J/K guys! Then they see Seth running down the street with a shopping cart. Caitlin tells them they have to pull over.

At the hospital, Taylor tells her mom she loves her and her mom actually returns the favor. This is better than when Ryan said it! Too bad he’s dying somewhere on a curb! Also, again, pregnant woman gets nothing, but Taylor’s mom gets treatment for a toe shot with a flare gun. Fine. Triage, you are a mystery to me.

Ryan is now in the hospital with blood dripping into him. And he wakes up. And Seth is there. Yippee, they figured this out. Seth says that Ryan gave them all quite a scare. The doctors say he is going to be fine, and it turns out that Seth donated blood! They are blood brothers, O- in case you care. How cute. He fainted during the process. Ryan says that’s weird, cause all of a sudden he has this strange urge to listen to death cab and read comics. Seth gets excited for this but it doesn’t happen. Nice joke, Ryan. He says, too bad we could have turned this into a body swap plotline, or “we could have squeezed another year out of this.” Awesome.

Kirsten and Sandy show up and she is ok and so is the baby. They find out the baby is a girl! How adorable I love this damn show.

Now here they all are, together, with Pancakes. I seriously need to name my cat Pancakes. Ryan is totally standing up again all fine despite the giant glass in him, and Kaitlin is trying to see how Frank would look with short hair. Look they have all been brought together like never before! For the first and second to last time! I cannot deal. I seriously cannot deal.

And then they cut to Daryl the bum discovering the range rover on the street. “Sweet,” he says. Then he gets in the back to sleep.

Now at the Cohens' house… the house looks pretty good. Then they open it and walk inside to discover that… actually the house is totally fallen apart. Wow. That’s terrifying. Seriously the whole house is broken and there is no roof. So much for having a house to come home to.

Scenes: How tragic is this going to be, I’m going to cry. Lots of hugging. This upcoming episode may be a flash forward to the end of the summer.

Stay tuned for my epic last entry on the OC when it ends forever in ONE WEEK. Gah!

The OC Liveblog Episode 14 - The Shake Up

EARTHQUAKE? In Newport? Whoa, this is a hardcore earthquake. If it is an earthquake. Ah well.

72 hours earlier…

Taylor tells Summer that she doesn’t want any gifts for her birthday, just a party. But then Summer gets it out of her and Taylor says she wants Ryan to ask her to go with him to Berkeley. Apparently she applied when she got back from France. Also applied to a bunch of schools. She just wants Ryan to tell her that he loves her. Haha, earth shattering event? Earthquake weather.

They talk about the big one and how since it never happens they always wish that it would. Dum dum dum…

At the Cohens’, Ryan snatches up his keys and heads out to find Taylor already there thanking him for throwing her a birthday party. Apparently she never had one and spent every birthday talking to a psychic and watching 16 candles. I love Taylor. Anyway Ryan says he wants something in return for a birthday party and that he expects to “have his way with her.” Oh Ryan you’re funny when you’re funny. She says “funny to think about all of this ending… you going off to Berkeley.” Ryan says that’s 6 months away and starts to eat the croissant as a diversion. Or maybe he is just not paying attention to Taylor talking about impulsive jumps into the unknown. Taylor is trying to make him say he loves her. She says it’s her birthday and she’s getting sentimental – some excuse. She’s really nutso.

Kaitlin shows up downstairs wearing a terrible outfit to find Kevin Sorbo and her mom cuddling in the kitchen. Gross. Kaitlin says she is never going to start barfing. She starts to make fun of Kevin Sorbo for being from jail. Then he says he got his bag from REI so it’s clean. Ha.

Julie marches Kevin Sorbo out for his job interview while Kaitlin gets ideas about looking through his bag for… what… stuff to incriminate him? Or maybe planting things to incriminate him.

Holly is being a total airhead talking to Kirsten at prenatal yoga. She is so annoying. “Hey hos, come here.” Kirsten is apparently stuck with the Newpsies. Holly says that they are going to let Kirsten into the club the Six-pack Pack for staying skinny while pregnant. These people are truly awful I can’t even explain. If you aren’t watching you just can’t know.

Summer shows up at Ryan’s to tell him that she’s taking Seth to an art exhibit sponsored by George. She scopes out what Ryan is getting Taylor for her birthday. Drops the “nothing is as romantic as the first time you tell someone you love them” and ryan immediately starts to figure it out. “I have an idea, why don’t you tell her you love her?” Smooth. Ryan knows what’s up. Summer you are being decidedly unsubtle.

Kaitlin meets Frank at the mall. She says she doesn’t care that he went to prison, he’s just boring. He says she hardly knows him so she challenges him to say something funny. Kaitlin starts asking him about dropping the soap. She’s a real bitch sometimes. Kevin Sorbo is just asking for a chance.

Julie discovers all this weird clown porn in Frank’s bag, clearly from Kaitlin. There is such a thing as circus porn?

Summer and Seth are talking about the art at the environmental place. Seth doesn’t like the art cause it’s not arty enough and Summer is trying to get him to like it. She says to prove it by making his own movie. Hmm, I smell a plot.

Kirsten shows up at Sandy’s to say that the Newport people are awful. She says the young women are monsters. She doesn’t want to raise another child around this. Sandy says how about they meet his friend Spitz’ wife – that will make them feel better about Newport.

Ryan and Taylor watch some weird black and white movie while she tries to provoke him into saying he loves her. Ah apparently it’s the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She wants the hunchback to talk to Esmeralda bout how he feels and they could be happy for at least 4 years. Oh Taylor, seriously, take it down a notch. Ryan starts to say something……. And…. Nothing. He wants to rewind the last part of the movie. Did he do that on purpose? Hahahaha. His looks at her are really classic.

Now Taylor is writing letters to someone when Summer comes in. She says it’s the obituary for her relationship with Ryan – she’s telling the dean of Berkeley to give the scholarship to the next candidate. She says she wants to shoot him full of sodium penethol. Haha she’s really nutso. She thinks sometimes Ryan loves her but they just need to loosen his tongue. Summer has a plan. Trip to the wine cellar. I want a wine cellar.

Sandy peers out at Seth playing around with the sunlight. Ryan has just come back from a 9 mile run and Sandy detects a cry for help. Sandy tells Ryan that it’s ok for him to be scared. Not saying I love you is like saying you don’t love them. Sandy says for Ryan to just be honest and that will have to be good enough.

Seth is apparently filming the pool… or at least some funny blown up animals in the pool. And tells Ryan to go to Taylor’s for dinner.

Julie is challenging Frank about the clown porn and realizes that Kaitlin had planted the porn. She is all pissed at Kaitlin but Frank says that he can take it because he’s being hazed.

Summer doesn’t like Seth’s pool movie because he was lazy and chose the path of least resistance. He claims it was a satire but she knows the truth and tells him to find something better that he can get engaged in.

Kirsten and Sandy show up to Spitzy’s dinner with his wife who is supposed to reassure Kirsten about how people in Newport aren’t bitches. Turns out the woman is born and bred in Newport and essentially a slightly older version of Holly. People in Newport DO suck, viewers!

Taylor tries to force Ryan to drink lots and lots of wine. Very subtle, again. She says they can save the serious conversation for after dinner. Ryan is totally on to her. She wants him to try to see if he can taste the blackberries in the wine. Drink away Ryan. Dude Taylor don’t you know this kid drinks 7&7s?

This Carrie Spitz bitch is totally useless. She apparently still drinks tequila shots and acts like a total loser high school Newspie person. She hates her own baby sitting across the room crying with the nurse. Kirsten says she isn’t feeling well and wants to leave. This Carrie person sucks and tells Kirsten to call for baby advice and then calls them losers behind their back.

Taylor has gotten totally wasted while Ryan, thanks to the Atwood genes, is totally sober and carrying her ass up the stairs. She says “If I can’t get you drunk you’re never going to tell me you love me.” She says she shouldn’t not have rented Roger the homosexual or pretended to be a sleep therapist in order to get him. She starts to pass out and says “Goodbye, Ryan it was nice.” Then he calls her on pretending to sleep so that he will think she’s unconscious and tell her he loves her. And while she acts like a total drunk retard he says he loves her. Which is really the best time –better than the turkey moment in Friends. Taylor cracks me up. “Now we can go to Berkeley together!” And that officially freaks Ryan out a little bit.

Seth is videotaping Ryan now from a perch on a ladder. He says that the movie is about Ryan and his hidden emotions. Seth says “How does it feel to have Dean Hess’s sloppy seconds?” And wants to know what Ryan got her. He got her the love poems but Seth says “You might as well tell her that you love her” and Ryan confesses that was too late.

Meanwhile Taylor and Summer are debriefing the night. Taylor is hungover as all hell and says that they played the game “Drink” in her attempt to get him drunk. She says drunk, and he drinks. That works.

Now Taylor can’t really remember if he said it. So she needs to test and see if he actually said it and summer gives her the heads up about the totally romantic gift. And Seth is telling Ryan that he needs to sort of take it back by not giving her the romantic gift. Trouble is brewing.

Then Julie shows up and tells Taylor that she gave the mailman the letter from the counter to Berkeley and Taylor has to stop him. But he says once the letter does in the pouch it’s the property of the government. The post guy is totally going to give her the letter back. What a needless random subplot thing.

Frank shows up at Ryan’s to talk to him about how to win over Kaitlin the bitch. Ryan has no real suggestions. He still has the romantic love poems to give her. Taylor is still fretting.

Seth is videotaping everything and Sandy notices that Kirsten is sitting looking absentminded in the corner. Maybe it’s time to move, he says. But she says no since she wants Ryan and Seth to come home on holidays to their real house. Is this foreshadowing or just pointless filler?

Taylor is opening her gifts and gets a dictionary instead of the whole translated love poems thing. Taylor is on to him.

Julie is in the bathroom and discovers a page with Frank Atwood’s mugshot that says “This guy loves clown porn!”

Seth videotapes Summer talking to his mom about how she really wants him to get passionate about something since he seems kind of lost.

Julie finds Kaitlin to tear down all of the flyers about clown porn. Kaitlin really can be a real bitch sometimes. She says that she doesn’t think that Frank is going to stick around any longer because she doesn’t like people leaving her all the time. She says that she and Julie need to just be family by themselves for a while.

Ryan shows up to talk to Taylor who is crying in the corner. She is freaking out that he told her he loved her. He mentions that she said the Berkeley thing. She explains that she did it months ago before they started dating and that she needed to know how Ryan felt before she told him about the Berkeley thing. He says that planning to go to college together is a big decision and she says “Would you have said you loved me if you knew I’d gotten into Berkeley?” Hurt feelings all around but let’s face it it’s 6 months away doofus.

Taylor returns to the party where they are singing happy birthday to her with a freaking beautiful cake but she is clearly looking sad. Everyone knows something is wrong. Come on Taylor go for it. Ah well Taylor leaves and Ryan just looks perplexed as usual.

Ryan stumbles across Kaitlin who is looking depressed. This episode is kind of a downer. Kaitlin says by the looks of it they aren’t going to be brother and sister again, she didn’t want to rush into an insta-family and she was upset about it. Julie and Frank are arguing. Then Kaitin tells Ryan that if he doesn’t tell Taylor that he loves her, he’s an idiot. Julie agrees.

Seth shows Summer the video about her talking about passion. And he realizes maybe he should be a movie critic cause he likes watching them and saying what’s wrong with it.

Kaitlin and Julie have a family chat about how Julie told Frank that she needs a little space to spend with her daughter. Very mature of you.

Taylor is watching 16 candles and talking to the psychic. Ryan shows up with the real birthday gift. Which is way fancy. He apologizes for freaking out and says he really did mean that he loves her.

AND the earthquake starts. Oh my god this is a hell of an earthquake. It’s lasting for a really long time. Come on! No one get hurt! Shit, where is Kirsten and what is going on here. Kirsten is on the ground somewhere and Sandy finds her. And meanwhile every single place where they are looks like it’s collapsing – the light post is falling on Seth and Summer and Kirsten is trapped and the cabinet is falling on Ryan and Taylor, and the ice cream store where Kaitlin and Julie are is falling down. RIDICULOUS! So scary!!

I had to watch the preview on YouTube twice just to find out what the hell is going on: Who is “slowly slipping away?” What’s the deal with this? Is someone else going to DIE?! I can't believe there are only two episodes left.

OC Liveblog Episode 13 - the Case of the Franks

Taylor is freaking out because Ryan doesn’t want to do anything special for V-day. He says that V-day is really a recipe for disaster because they are weird. Taylor is worried that Ryan is preoccupied because she found a suspicious address by his bed. He says it’s not the address of another girl so she should be fine about it. But naturally she is not. She takes the address sheet.

Aaand goes to the place. And finds Ryan’s dad. He asks why she is here. She says she was basically stalking him because of what she found at Ryan’s and says she has emotional problems. Hercules wants to talk to Ryan and Taylor realizes that they both have emotional problems. Wants to get involved and have Ryan and his dad get along or something. Taylor thinks that maybe if Frank and Ryan get along Ryan will be happier.

Now on to pregnant Kirsten. She appears to be thinking about her past and Sandy says that he’s having flashbacks to her being pregnant with Seth. Kirsten is having a bit of an issue with this.

Bullitt shows up at Julie’s with roses still trying to persuade her to marry him. He says he didn’t make 900 million by being a pessimist and “Did I mention that there will be no pre-nup?” Keeps saying they are practically man and wife and says he can sum up their sex life with one world: “Bang.” “I can’t wait to take you down to Chinatown.” Wow.

Kaitlin says “sup nerd” which is awesome. They go off to play ping-pong. Bullitt calls her Peanut. Julie continues to be impressed by Bullitt bonding with her daughter. She asks to drive the Ferrari and he agrees in a fatherly way. Come on, Julie, marry the Texan!

Summer and Seth are discussing the extinction of the sea otters. Seth points out that Valentine’s Day is in two days and summer has apparently forgotten. They head over to a psychic who says “Rhode Island” and turns out to be right. Psychic says that Summer should beware falling objects and she’s going to be on the news with Justin Timberlake. The woman says Summer’s destiny is with someone named George. This is bad. A skateboard almost falls on top of summer. Oh psychics!

Taylor and Ryan are at a nice dinner and Ryan says “This has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day right?” Turns out no, it just has something to do with his dad who he never wanted to see again. Ryan isn’t that mad at her even though she totally meddled in his business. They sit down to dinner. Ryan calls Taylor a bulldozer. She kind of is.

Back with Summer, she is getting pics of Sandy and Kirsten for a famous couples collage. This turns into a how did Sandy and Kirsten feel right but Jimmy and Kirsten didn’t? BAD flashbacks with really 80’s-fied versions of Jimmy and Kirsten. Kirsten says if Summer is meant to be with Seth it will happen.

Back with Frank, Taylor is chatting chatting chatting and tells Frank he is ruggedly handsome. Realizes that he is in love with someone. Then Bullitt shows up and Taylor and Ryan realize that Frank and Julie were a couple. Bullitt totally makes Frank feel bad by being all up in Julie’s business. What if Julie and Frank were meant to be? Taylor wants to try to get them together. Ryan says that Julie deserves better.

Kirsten browses through the picture book. Wow, none of these people look like anyone in reality. Except for that fabulous picture of Sandy and Julie and all of them together with kids.

Kirsten was apparently once going to go to USC. With Jimmy Cooper. Ridiculous. Oh Kirsten, get over your shit. Sandy shows up and Kirsten LIES about what she was looking at. And then Sandy looks in it and finds all the pics of her and jimmy. Puzzling isn’t it.

Seth looks up and finds evidence that he and Summer were meant to be. It’s the poem Summer read in school. Spring 1998. Seth as a kid is ridiculous: “Only 11 months and 6 days until The Matrix comes out.” Hilarious.

Summer as a little girl is super cute although looks nothing like Rachel Bilson. And Seth looks vaguely like that kid from Can’t Hardly Wait. Has teeth like real Seth.

Taylor shows up at Julie’s and starts the whole discussion. What’s there to mull over about Bullitt? She starts to provoke her about Bullitt getting older and Julie still having to have sex with him. Then Taylor just says “Admit it you have got it bad for Frank Atwood.” And Julie says she is staying with Bullitt. Taylor says Julie is different now because she can no longer marry for money. Julie says she wouldn’t put Ryan through that since he’s been through enough because of her and then Taylor explains that Ryan is actually worried about Julie.

Summer is watching the news and she and Justin Timberlake are on the same program. She is freaking out about being whisked away by George. Seth busts out the mermaid poem all framed and pretty. Summer explains that she didn’t actually write the poem. Then there is a flashback to Summer already being kind of a ho and talking to a very nerdy Taylor Townsend. Taylor already wrote her poem for their assignment and Summer did not. Summer persuades Taylor to give her the poem in exchange for Taylor coming to Summer’s b-day party. Ah, intrigue of the 5^th grade time.

Seth says “This mermaid poem is our roots, it’s our mythology.” But Summer says what if we are each other’s Jimmy Cooper? The one before the one. What if we are not destined to be together?” Seth starts to think as well. Doubting Thomases!

Julie shows up to Ryan’s place of business to talk to him about his dad. He is glad that it’s over, but Julie wants to tell Ryan that she knows a bad guy when she sees one and his dad isn’t one of him (meanwhile what is his mom doing? Isn’t she an alcoholic somewhere?). Ryan calls Taylor to ask about “the Frank and Julie plan” and they plan to get Frank and Julie together and screw poor Bullitt. Then Taylor turns around to find Kaitlin listening. Ooh this is war. Kaitlin says she is playing for team Bullitt and Taylor and Ryan are on team frank. Haha, then Kaitlin herself says “It’s war, bitch.” Nice.

Kirsten shows up at Seth’s to give him pancakes for V-day. She apologizes for babying Seth but she’s feeling motherly. Seth says he is worried that the things that happened to them when they were kids are a sham and he might be the Jimmy Cooper. Kirsten says to focus on the real summer, not the one he worshiped in grade school. She says she thinks he’s found his Sandy Cohen. Seth wants to know why she and Jimmy broke up. She evades. YOU ARE AN EVADER! God damn you Kirsten. Back to a flashback. She says her heart just doesn’t feel right. Woke up and decided to change her life apparently. These flashbacks are annoying – they keep flashing all weird. Kirsten decides she wants to go to Berkeley instead of USC, thank god that happened. Now she is in a doctor’s office. Pregnant are we? Abortion possibly? Interesting. Not so surprising.

Summer talks to the bunny about her future. Someone comes from an organization called G.E.O.R.G.E. – something about greenhouse emissions. They want to offer her a job. Summer freaks out and realizes that it’s her real destiny.

Kaitlin coaches Bullitt on marrying her mom. He says they need a plan with a spectacular V-day date. Emerald earrings aren’t gonna cut it – they need planes instead.

Taylor coaches Frank on the “emotion card” – he says to say what he loves about Julie but he can’t because he’s an Atwood and can’t really articulate his feelings. Taylor tries to get him to dig deeper. Frank says they are from the same world – you mean the inland empire!??!

Kirsten and Sandy are out for dinner and Kirsten is hardly eating. Sandy is being patient given the whole Jimmy Cooper picture box thing. Come on Kirsten, you just had “a procedure” as they say on TV.

Kaitlin is wearing a Team Bullitt t-shirt. Taylor has apparently tracked down Kaitlin by activating the GPS on her phone. Ryan is now trying to persuade Julie to meet Frank. Julie says in another life she’d go with Frank but instead she goes in the limo, but actually Taylor was in the limo. They totally made Julie go with Frank! How strategic, but where did they get the money for the limo? Ryan tells Kaitlin “That’s war, bitch.” She starts crying. Nice try, Kaitlin. She says she is going to follow the decoy limo and now Ryan is following her. Taylor turns around when they hit a hotdog stand and Julie realizes something is … not quite right. Taylor continues to coach. Frank says “This is a testament to where we came from and I wanted this to be about where we are going.” Ah Frank. He says he loves the real her. He shows her an engagement ring. This is sort of a cruel scenario for all involved. Julie gives back the ring when Kaitlin shows up. She says she only has one daughter left and she loves Bullitt even if Julie doesn’t. I still don’t know what any of this really means. She says sorry Frank. Now Ryan is sad too. Wow people make decisions like this really fast.

Sandy as a kid is cute. Wow Kirsten is a real Newpsie as a college student. How cute are they! Without Mondale there would be no Kirsten and Sandy Cohen.

Seth admits to Summer that he put way too much stock in the poem. Because Summer is actually better than the fantasy Summer. She fights for sea otters, she has a bunny, she has evolved. He says they have been dating for 950 days and “yes I counted the Zach era, because who are we kidding” – excellent point my friend. That’s almost three years! Anyway. Summer says she met George and it turns out it’s a trip around the country on a bus telling college kids to vote. She’d have to defer a year at Brown and isn’t sure that they could see each other during that time. He is her destiny just not her only destiny. And then she gives him an epic couples through time poster. She says hopefully someday they can go in the middle. Ah, cheesiness.

Kaitlin wants to tell Julie was Bullitt’s surprise is – a plane ready to take her anywhere in the world. Does Julie want to go to the inland empire?? Ah Kaitlin, you know the truth now. Julie just isn’t in it for the money anymore. Kaitlin gets out at the plane by herself. Is she wearing heels? I’m confused she looks taller than usual. Katilin says to Bullitt “I know I asked you to be my step-dad but do you mind just being my friend instead?” Bullitt I guess will have to settle. He says “Peanut, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Nice.

Taylor and Ryan and Frank are hanging out at the hotdog stand. Ryan says he’s sorry things didn’t work out with Julie and Frank says he’s happy to be sharing ice cream with his kid. Taylor is just proud she got ONE couple together. And then the limo shows up with Julie and some nice happy indie music in the background. Julie says she is having the strangest craving for a corndog. Ok so like, where are they going to live and how are they going to work?

Ryan suggests to Taylor that they hop in the limo and go down to the beach and she is happy with this as their date. I love how they are just DRIVING the limo. Taylor calls Ryan Jeeves. How nice.

Nice ending shot of Julie and Frank with heart balloons in between them.

OC Liveblog Episode 12 - The Groundhog Day

Enter Taylor looking suspicious. Hovering in some darkish area and whispering on the phone like she’s hiding from someone. She’s on the phone with Caitlin who asks her if she’s going to “Kirsten’s thing” – apparently Kirsten is turning 40. Taylor says she isn’t going.

Taylor is creeping out the business owners in the mall by looking at things with binoculars and the security guard kicks her out. Apparently (no surprise here) she is watching Ryan at work.

Back at the Cooper-Cooper-Roberts-Townsend house, Julie explains to her daughter that she is broke because she left New Match (she and Kirsten are better friends than business partners). Julie gets a phone call which causes her to speak suggestively to whoever it may be on the phone. Apparently she misses him. A strange wailing sound causes her to go outside – it’s Summer’s friend Che. Why is Julie still responsible for Summer (and therefore Che)? I’m so confused. Summer busts in on Che wailing and doing the I Ching to find out the mysteries of the universe. He explains that in his dream his soul mate was revealed to him.

Che wants to free Newport Chuck, the Newport groundhog (they have groundhogs in southern California?). Summer doesn’t want to be involved since that’s how she got kicked out. Che is a leetle suspect and tells Summer “You know besides getting kicked out of college, I’d never do anything to hurt you?” Uh, sure.

Ryan, Seth and Sandy are headed out to a craptastic movie with people eating each other or something. As soon as they leave the house, Kirsten picks up the phone and calls the doctor. Suspect again. There’s a lot of suspicious activity going on in this episode.

How I will miss these shots of the hillsides of Newport houses over the ocean.

What – Kevin Sorbo is in this episode? God damn it.

Seth wakes up to see Che in his bedroom urging him to go save burrowing animals. Che pounds on the bed. Seth says, “I’m glad I don’t sleep naked.” The question is, is CHE glad? (I really can’t believe Che is still on this show.)

Caitlin and the Luke brothers sit around while she tries to “close the deal” between Bullitt and Julie. She’s been pulling a parent setup for a month now via e-mail. The internet is so tricky in its anonymous ways.

Sandy comes up to the pool house to try to cheer Ryan up and have one of his famous pep talks. Ryan is mopey in a sort of absentminded way, a nice break from the usual mope-age. He says he isn’t “Sitting around missing Taylor if that’s what you’re asking” and then Sandy promptly takes off. Leaves Ryan flipping through his Taylor memory book.

Taylor hits up a shrink – about time. Naturally she does it in a Taylor way – she just sort of show sup after doing some research and decides this is the right shrink and then launches into it. This is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone on this show voluntarily seek help for any kind of problem. How refreshing. She says that she is suffering from an emotional addiction and says her mom is like “Idi Amin with fake boobs – you know big on the torturing and the tyranny not so big on the nurturing.” Since then anyone who shows the slightest bit of kindness throws her into a big obsessions spiral. There’s the French guy story, and then the Ryan situation. She confesses that she “kind of” stalks people she likes and logs their activities in a “factually accurate and aesthetically pleasing scrapbook.” This shrink has “aggressive methods” for fixing people.

Julie is planning on selling all the paintings she and Dr Roberts had because “times are tough.” Can’t she sell the house? I’m still confused about Dr Roberts’ random exit from the scene. Caitlin kind of spills the beans on Bullitt and the e-mails and Julie sort of slipped up and made a comment about her boyfriend “not being a billionaire.” A.k.a. being Frank Atwood, lllllllame. Caitlin gets a bouquet at the door for her mom that says “Can’t wait till tomorrow, miss you already.” Suspicion again.

Kirsten shows up at the doctor and says she’s been feeling drained and weak and light-headed but doesn’t have any stress and hasn’t been drinking. She has a very prominent vein in her forehead.

Down at the mall, Seth says he’s not going to help Che steal Newport Chuck. Aww, isn’t he cute! (Get my reference?) The music is a loose riff on Groundhog Day, I would like to point out. Seth kind of gives in to Che’s thieving plan because Che helped him save his spirit animal and all that.

Caitlin calls Bullitt to tell him there’s a problem with her mom and the whole plan. He wants to meet her at the jewelry store. Not more of this. (I already know too much about this week’s worth of TV, what is it, V-day fever, can we please not put a proposal on EVERY show?) Caitlin okays the whole proposal plan.

Taylor is tossing all the Ryan memorabilia like valet tickets and toothpicks. This is very Tai in Clueless. Summer tells Taylor that if she likes Ryan and he likes her, they need to figure it out together without the therapist. Taylor says that if she doesn’t do this cleansing process she’ll lose Ryan anyway, so this is better than the other alternatives. Go Taylor! Be down with your bad self.

Caitlin shows up at the mall to meet Bullitt (I assume) and runs into Ryan. He asks about Taylor and Caitlin says that Taylor’s been even weirder than normal. Sandy says that “the guy in Carson lost it” whatever that means. Caitlin hides until she sees Bullitt with the most expensive ring. “Well I bought it, and your momma deserves it.” Bullitt and Caitlin are a hilarious combination.

Che apparently brought his VW bus with him from Providence (why isn’t he in school again? And why does he have a car that creates so many greenhouse gases?). He tells Seth that they need to break into City hall and yesterday on the city hall tour he spotted a weak spot on the roof. Says that the City Hall tour is actually quite good. Brief cute convo between the two about how Seth was always curious about the tour. Che climbed Denali last year so climbing onto the roof will be totally easy. Seth comments that the heard the groundhog was captured in Irvine and I still don’t think groundhogs exist in southern California. Che suggests a snowcone and Seth goes for it and then says “My favorite flavor’s cherry but my dad’s is blueberry” which I think is straight from last week’s episode? I get confused with all the self referentialism.

Doorbell at Ryan’s which he opens to discover the shrink with the box of Ryanisms from Taylor. Shrink then takes off. Sorry, not a shrink, she’s an emotional crisis manager. The shrink says that Taylor isn’t supposed to have direct contact with Ryan for a week. Taylor passes messages to the shrink about how he needs to trust her for a while because this is the best thing. You know, when you take a patient that isn’t supposed to talk to their obsessee to his house it’s a good idea to do it in car that’s not a convertible. But that might just be me. Maybe I could start an aggressive emotional crisis management business.

Seth and Che in all black with carabiners and ropes and shit steal the groundhog from city hall. Which apparently has no alarms on the roof or anything. Apparently Che accidentally locked the door to the roof and left the ropes inside, thereby screwing them over. Now, post commercial break, they are on the roof, it’s morning, Seth is asleep next to the groundhog and Che is doing like tae bo or something. He says he has been meditating over a dream. This is the second time they have spent the night together. “Does that mean anything to you?” Seth says “You’ll be going on your little adventures by yourself from now on?” Che says that the universe sometimes wants shit to happen and you don’t have a choice about it. He needs to tell Seth something. The cops come up to the roof and catch them.

Kirsten refuses a big breakfast and Sandy thinks it’s just about her whole birthday turning 40 kind of thing. It’s not so bad, the kids are going to be gone soon and they’re going to be like kids again. Ryan interrupts right when Kirsten is about to say something to Sandy about, you know, being pregnant or something. Sandy is having no luck with this phone calling Carson thing. Kirsten wants to hear whatever it is the doctor has to say in person.

Caitlin calls her mom (just leaving the spa, does she understand the concept of saving money) and asks “What does it feel like when your appendix bursts?” Julie freaks.

Taylor has a very cute coat. They are at the Groundhog Day festival, apparently quite early in the morning (at least I assume from my extensive knowledge of the groundhog festival in Punxsutawney that these things happen early). Caitlin accidentally runs into some guys dressed like groundhogs… sees Ryan and Sandy walking through the park and gets some strange idea… what is this all about.

Julie runs home to find Caitlin standing in the middle of a bunch of flowers all over the house. Nice try though. Caitlin plays whatever music it is that Bullitt has brought back from Dubai or whatever and gets down on his knee. Caitlin looks very expectant and Bullitt already looks worried. Caitlin needs to stop wearing so much eyeliner and so does Julie. Why is Caitlin so into this? Bullitt wants to know what about those e-mails? They are officially onto Caitlin now.

Summer is at the groundhog festival and sees the groundhog getting walked by in a cage. She gets a call from Che – the groundhog looks so sad why didn’t Che rescue him? He says he got caught by the man and that summer needs to save him. Che, looking at Seth in the jail cells, says sometimes our destiny is chosen for us. Summer is on the mission. Seth is pissed. He gets pushed out of the way of the phone by some other weird guy.

Summer impersonates a reporter from “Groundhog’s Day Weekly, which comes out once a year usually around Groundhog Day.” She is doing some recon work.

Caitlin tells her mom that she knows Julie is seeing a mystery man. Caitlin says she likes Bullitt because he loves Julie and is a really nice and funny guy. And that’s why she was emailing. “He’d make an amazing step dad.” A wise one, this one. Caitlin wants to know what Julie is going to tell Bullitt, and Julie wants her to tell him the truth. Caitlin says she needs to decide fast cause she is taking him with her to Kirsten’s party.

At this moment we see Kirsten enter her house looking kind of burned out. Gets a call from Julie who needs her help. She doesn’t know what to do since Bullitt proposed but she’s been seeing someone else in secret. Kirsten is totally wiped and says she’s going to lie down. What is this really all about? (I already know I’m just going with it.)

Julie is disgruntled and Kirsten is just weird.

Sandy says “That was a guy at the junkyard in Chatsworth – he’s got one and it’ll be at the Newport club within an hour.” GOT ONE WHAT?

Mysterious groundhog sneaks up on Ryan and Sandy talking about the whole Taylor situation. Very smooth, Taylor. You are seriously a stalker. Sandy gets another call and leaves Ryan sitting on the bench looking unsuspecting. Groundhog Taylor turns around and trips and loses her groundhog head. She runs away saying “Forget you ever knew me.”

At the jail, Seth and Che watch on TV as the groundhog gets jacked by someone wearing a groundhog suit. Awesome. The groundhog is missing but they think that they have captured a woman who is the kidnapper. Seth tells Che his dad should be there soon. How many times has Sandy bailed people out? Che tells Seth that he hasn’t been honest with him. He says that he had a dream where his animal self was in love with…

And then a groundhog walks into the jail. Takes off the head. And is not Summer! The music starts that indicates that perhaps this is his soul mate! It’s not an otter but a groundhog that Che loves and this chick is totally the groundhog thief and they are MFEO. Hot. There is a bit of a dance between the jailbars and che pets the groundhog girl which is… um… a bit too plushies and furries for me.

Che and Seth get bail posted but Che is going to sit there and pet the groundhog girl. Again, so weird.

Back to Kirsten looking mopey. Can she meet Sandy at the yacht club instead of him picking her up? She is disappointed but you know, he had to post bail for his son and all that (she doesn’t know that). She gets a knock on the door and opens to find a chauffeur to go to the yacht club. Well then.

Outside the yacht club Seth explains that the universe sometimes makes you do things like steal groundhogs. Seth says that this is probably the proudest moment of Sandy’s life for Seth to be arrested for political activism. Kirsten arrives and hopes that Sandy didn’t do anything too extravagant. OH MY GOD HE GOT A MAIL TRUCK!!! That is adorable. Her real present is first class tickets around the world… not bad right? Kirsten says he needs to talk to him in private. Dum dum dum. Nice concealing body wrap, Kirsten. She tells him that she went to the doctor and she’s sick “but only in the mornings.” She’s pregnant, WTF. Seriously, people. Kirsten says “Everything is going to change.” They are never going to be able to be playful adults.

Bullitt now knows that Caitlin wrote all those emails and that he last one (about butts) was “a little frisky.” Julie tells Bullitt no. She says they need to spend time together and if they like each other then maybe she can marry him. Oh Julie. Wiser. Cute dress Caitlin.

Ryan and Seth find out the truth about the whole pregnancy sitch. These heartwarming Cohen family moments… Are they standing next to an airport? I’m so confused.

Summer sends the groundhog off with the weird groundhog girl and Che. Apparently Summer actually stole it an the other girl got busted for it but doesn’t care ‘cause now she knows Che. Che departs with the hippie chick and tells Seth “Maybe in another lifetime.”

Taylor crashes on her bed very upset about this whole situation. Picks up the phone and it’s someone going “Oh yeah what are you wearing?” in a fuzzy stalker voice on the phone. He says he needs a little more practice and then Taylor says that’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done. They are so cute.

Julie is at the party looking mopingly at her phone and watching Bullitt dancing with Caitlin. Come on Julie do the right thing! I never though I would want Bullitt to say on this show. She looks sad to see all the other happy couples. And then she gets on the phone to Frank Atwood and says she won’t be making it tonight. It’s the best thing for her family, see. Oh and we are so surprised to see Frank Atwood in this hotel room. Kevin Sorbo I hope you got paid for OH MY GOD HE HAS A RING TOO!! THIS SHOW IS SO RIDICULOUS!

Only 4 episodes left… I am so sad about this.

I want to do this:

Stanford Alumni Creative Writing Retreat
Thursday, May 3 through Sunday, May 6
Stanford Sierra Camp
Fallen Leaf Lake
Price: $983 for Stanford Alumni Association members; $1058

Escape from the rush of daily life and cultivate your desire to write! This first-ever program was carefully developed to provide a congenial, supportive, inspirational and casual atmosphere along with a professional, hands-on, substantive writing agenda that will allow you to realize your creative writing potential. This unbeatable Stanford program includes instruction from outstanding Stanford faculty, including former Stegner Fellow Thomas Kealey; small group sessions; one-on-one faculty meetings; private lodging in your own cabin; and the gorgeous setting of Stanford Sierra Camp on sparkling Fallen Leaf Lake.