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The OC Liveblog Episode 15 - The Night Moves

This may ruin the whole liveblog gimmick I've got going on here - but this episode really made me totally nostalgic and sad and disappointed that the OC is ending. It's really been good this season - funny, and Ryan has a real personality, and Julie Cooper isn't just a heartless bitch, and I only want to slap Kirsten some of the time, and Summer got environmental - it's really been good. And this episode was like a last episode. I suspect next's week will be more like a clipshow - fall prey to the Seinfeld ending where it is too aware of its imminent demise to keep the pace up. Maybe next week will be good, who knows, but I do know that this week felt like an end. Each second I was more aware that the OC was ending, and that these characters are going to be frozen in time, no longer developing or changing (if they ever did). And it did make me sad, that only in this last moment are they really coming into their own, rather than three years ago. And also it made me sad that this show I have literally watched EVERY EPISODE OF is going off the air. I know I am being melodramatic but seriously... why does it have to end!?!!?

Also, on a side note, I want to say that I felt rather riveted to the episode, mostly because it turns out earthquakes that knock out powerlines and hot water and trap people in their homes and businesses are really scary. Who knew that the OC could instill the fear of "the Big One" that no Discovery Channel special could? I felt some genuine panic and worry throughout the episode, which may have changed the tone of my blog this time around. God, just wait until next week. I'm going to be a headcase. Anyway, without further ado:

Yikes, Ryan and Taylor are trapped under the glass cabinet. Ryan pushes it up to let Taylor out, but now he is still stuck, kind of. At least mostly. Taylor apologizes for freaking out in a crisis. Ryan says it’s ok, he’s still ok. Taylor continues to panic. She thinks that glitter fallen from the cabinet is blood. She starts talking about how they are going to deal with crises when they are in college together. Ryan says not to talk about the whole future and college thing but instead to deal with the present. Good call. Taylor has rudimentary supplies stockpiled somewhere. Ryan is starting to feel weird and he actually does have blood on himself somewhere. His hearing is starting to be a little loopy. He says he isn’t getting good reception and is going in the hall. Way to cover up for, you know, bleeding.

Cut to another scene, I believe this is Kirsten and Sandy. So was Kirsten not pinned under anything? This is crazy there is a power outage and they are listening to an emergency radio. Sandy is kind of taking charge with some crazy loopy idiot housewife character. He says to look for anything useful like batteries and flashlights and blankets. Kirsten is freaking out because she can’t reach the boys. Then she gets a call and its Ryan. Sandy gets a call and it’s Seth. They are ok but the car is crushed. This is really scary. Summer found a flashlight. Seth says his dad wanted them to get off the street and Seth’s first thought was zombies. Ha. Then he gets a text from Ryan’s that says to get to the Coopers' house fast to give him help and not to tell summer. WHY are you asking other teenagers to help you with your BLEEDING?! I guess old habits die hard. No one ever asks for help from a grownup in this show.

Cut to the ice cream store where Julie and Caitlin appear to be fine, then to Ryan and Taylor with candles, then to Seth and summer on a bike. Where did they get the bike? They see a bunch of ambulances and police cars. Summer wants Seth to stop because they aren’t listening to his dad. They are supposed to go home to the Cohen house. Seth points out that they don’t know if pancakes is ok, which convinces Summer to pedal ahead. Riding on the handlebars is totally a good idea, especially if aftershocks come.

In the ice cream store, Caitlin is eating while Julie tries to escape. She calls Frank Atwood who does not pick up and says she hopes he’s ok. Caitlin wants to know why she’s still calling him. They are stuck with a crazy ice cream store guy in a snazzy apron. The ice cream guy seems to have a thing for Caitlin and knows her favorite ice cream. Julie comes up with a plan for him to climb out through the roof.

Taylor busts out the crazy safety kit and this whole multifunctional crazy radio/compass thing. Plus North Korean currency. Because you never know. Taylor wants to know why Ryan is still wearing a jacket. Taylor wants to go check and see if her mom is ok. Ryan tells her they can’t do that because they are waiting for Seth. Way to cover for your whole bleeding thing.

Sandy is taking charge at the mall leading people through the crisis. How crazy is this. Kirsten says this is like Berkeley in 1989. She says Sandy is being sexy. Sandy is still worried about Kirsten and she says it breaks her heart to see Newport like this. Then Sandy gets a call from Frank Atwood who appears to be in some traffic jam. He doesn’t know where Julie is and is freaking out. Crazy.

The ice cream guy is checking out the roof situation which does not seem to be happening. He says that they are on an island all alone. Not metaphorically. The pier has been washed out.

Summer and Seth show up at the Coopers where Summer and Taylor freak out to look for Pancakes and Ryan and Seth are looking shifty cause Seth knows something is up. They tell the girls to stay and lock the doors and not leave. Seth says to Summer that pancakes needs her right now. Taylor thinks the boys are being weird. Summer thinks they are being normal and all she cares about is Pancakes.

Outside, Ryan shows Seth what’s going on with the bleeding out of the side and stuff. He has a total slice of glass in his side like straight out of 24. He is looking a little faded.

Sort of fadey technoey music playing as they cut between people. Seth and Ryan are in a car driving to the hospital. Seth is kind of not so much doing a good job of getting to the hospital, and Ryan is looking sweaty and worn out, and Seth realizes that they hit something. It’s not a body or anything, just a tire.

Julie and Caitlin are having fun singing karaoke with ice cream cones and entertaining the ice cream guy without meaning to. He thinks that the song is too sexual to be part of Caitlin’s childhood history. They taunt Gary the ice cream guy with his lack of social life. They encourage him to talk about this girl he is obsessed with. The Cooper women are hilarious. They counsel the ice cream guy on his sad social situation of being an ice cream guy. They tell him today is his lucky day. Ha! They are going to do a makeover. Julie has nail scissors in her purse.

Ryan is going to walk Seth through fixing the tire. Seth thinks he can’t do it but Ryan has to tell him to do it. Oh man this is terrifying, I really need to learn how to change a tire. Ryan is looking really freaked out. Seth confesses that he is a big worrier and used to make lists to distract himself from the bad things. Ryan asks if he wants to make a list. This is really awkward and sad. Seth says “You could start with everyone you’ve ever punched in the face since you came to Newport.” This is a long list, mostly Luke. Luke got out of Newport just in time. Really.

Taylor and Summer are looking in the attic for the bunny which seems unlikely, except that they have looked everywhere else. As though the bunny couldn’t move ever. They freak out because there is a skeleton in the attic, her dad’s practice skeleton from med school. Taylor is still freaking out about her mom not calling yet because she thinks her mom doesn’t care about her. Summer tells her she’s learned that they need to make their own family. They hear a sound in the vent. This is terrifying. They hear a sound and then Pancakes comes out of the vent. Yikes it’s an afterthought! Scary!!!!!! I hate this.

During the aftershock, the jack breaks under the car, and in the mall Sandy can’t find Kirsten who seems to have fallen down. Why? Did something hit her? She says something is not right. This is where the miscarriage comes in? Sandy looks impassioned. He is good at that.

More quiet fade-in-fade-out on all the characters. Ryan and Seth are so fucked. All the cell and GPS on the car are out. Seth says he has to go on foot to get help. Ryan says he is going with. Seth says he will go by himself and Ryan says what about the zombies. Ridiculousness. They continue with the list of people Ryan hit. This is basically a recap of Ryan’s entire history of everything. This is scary, like they are preparing us for Ryan to die. Cause Seth is saying self referential things about how people were rooting for that Johnny guy to get punched in the face.

At the hospital, they won’t see Kirsten because she isn’t bleeding and doesn’t have anything breaking. Sandy is pleading with the doctor when some guy tells them they can have his spot. So they go.

Julie tells Kaitlin not to worry and Kaitlin says how can I not, we going out to sea. Julie is about to go up through the roof when the kid says he is having an asthma attack. He totally needs them to pay attention to him and lies back on the counter gasping. Then Caitlin tries to give him CPR and he tries to kiss her. Suspicious.

Taylor tells Summer they should be worrying about the guys being missing, and Summer says she is, but she has to think about other things instead so they are looking for Pancakes. Then they hear a loud crash from downstairs and freak out and have to hide. Looters! Or zombies!

Julie and Caitlin are fighting with the ice cream guy. Julie says do you even like Bob Seger? (One thing this show nails is obscure facts about characters that happened in season 1.) He says that the earthquake felt like fate, he didn’t want it to end so he capitalized on the whole Caitlin thing. As they are starting to process this, Frank bursts in and the pier is fine. Turns out the creepy guy totally lied about the pier being washed out because he wanted them to stay.

Kirsten’s baby is not dead or anything yet, but it seems to be ok for now. They have to do more tests.

Seth is talking Ryan through everything but Ryan seems to be fading in and out. Very freaky. Seth is talking and talking and Ryan says he cant go, Seth needs to go alone. Ryan is totally going to fall over right now. He sits down. Seth this is your moment to shine, you have to be a hero here. Do it. Ryan! Pull yourself together! Seth runs off to find help. Where are they even. Does he know?

Taylor opens this box where it turns out she has a gun. She is so scary sometimes. She says it’s Jimmy Cooper’s flare gun. She says it’s cold and shiny and feels so good. They hear a noise downstairs. This is terrifying. Summer says they need to go attack the zombie. They head down with a flashlight and Taylor ahead with the gun. What the hell is going on? Turns out it’s Taylor’s mom who she just accidentally shot.

Fade in fade out, we are all worried. Kirsten with the ultrasound, Ryan on the curb. Taylor’s mom is all pissed that she got shot at and says she is not going to be fine during sandals season because her toe got shot. Pancakes is hurt and limping and Summer is freaking. Summer says she has to get the rabbit help. She says she has a missing boyfriend and a sick rabbit and can’t deal with Taylor’s mom whining. Taylor says she is going with her. Summer has an idea, which is that the mom is going to sit in a wagon and Taylor is going to bike ahead.

Caitlin is raiding the candy at the ice cream place and the guy is trying to make her listen and says that tonight is the best night of his life. Caitlin is not taking this shit. She tells him she’s a fan of ice cream and he was good at the asthma attack and says she’ll stop by when the ice cream place is working again. Why does she random have sympathy for freaks?

Quote from ice cream guy:

Best. Earthquake. Ever.

Sandy is trying to get the test results on Kirsten but the hospital is kind of backed up. He wants to know what is going on first because he doesn't want bad news to get sprung on Kirsten randomly. He says they had been looking forward to an empty nest before they found out but now he cant imagine anything worse than an empty nest. This is all very scary.

Down at the pier there are bums with fires. Seth recognizes one of the bums from the Thanksgiving event. All Daryl has is the shopping cart, but he would rather give up his pants. Seth hands him the keys to the Range Rover in exchange for the shopping cart and goes off running to find Ryan.

Summer at the hospital is trying to get help for the bunny. How come it took them like 1 second to get to the hospital but Seth and Ryan got lost? Lame. Summer sweettalks the guy at the hospital who refused Kirsten to please take the bunny. He agrees.

In the car with frank, Julie and Caitlin, Caitlin apologizes for the clown porn etc. She claims she found the clown porn in Dr Roberts’ study. J/K guys! Then they see Seth running down the street with a shopping cart. Caitlin tells them they have to pull over.

At the hospital, Taylor tells her mom she loves her and her mom actually returns the favor. This is better than when Ryan said it! Too bad he’s dying somewhere on a curb! Also, again, pregnant woman gets nothing, but Taylor’s mom gets treatment for a toe shot with a flare gun. Fine. Triage, you are a mystery to me.

Ryan is now in the hospital with blood dripping into him. And he wakes up. And Seth is there. Yippee, they figured this out. Seth says that Ryan gave them all quite a scare. The doctors say he is going to be fine, and it turns out that Seth donated blood! They are blood brothers, O- in case you care. How cute. He fainted during the process. Ryan says that’s weird, cause all of a sudden he has this strange urge to listen to death cab and read comics. Seth gets excited for this but it doesn’t happen. Nice joke, Ryan. He says, too bad we could have turned this into a body swap plotline, or “we could have squeezed another year out of this.” Awesome.

Kirsten and Sandy show up and she is ok and so is the baby. They find out the baby is a girl! How adorable I love this damn show.

Now here they all are, together, with Pancakes. I seriously need to name my cat Pancakes. Ryan is totally standing up again all fine despite the giant glass in him, and Kaitlin is trying to see how Frank would look with short hair. Look they have all been brought together like never before! For the first and second to last time! I cannot deal. I seriously cannot deal.

And then they cut to Daryl the bum discovering the range rover on the street. “Sweet,” he says. Then he gets in the back to sleep.

Now at the Cohens' house… the house looks pretty good. Then they open it and walk inside to discover that… actually the house is totally fallen apart. Wow. That’s terrifying. Seriously the whole house is broken and there is no roof. So much for having a house to come home to.

Scenes: How tragic is this going to be, I’m going to cry. Lots of hugging. This upcoming episode may be a flash forward to the end of the summer.

Stay tuned for my epic last entry on the OC when it ends forever in ONE WEEK. Gah!

The OC Liveblog Episode 14 - The Shake Up

EARTHQUAKE? In Newport? Whoa, this is a hardcore earthquake. If it is an earthquake. Ah well.

72 hours earlier…

Taylor tells Summer that she doesn’t want any gifts for her birthday, just a party. But then Summer gets it out of her and Taylor says she wants Ryan to ask her to go with him to Berkeley. Apparently she applied when she got back from France. Also applied to a bunch of schools. She just wants Ryan to tell her that he loves her. Haha, earth shattering event? Earthquake weather.

They talk about the big one and how since it never happens they always wish that it would. Dum dum dum…

At the Cohens’, Ryan snatches up his keys and heads out to find Taylor already there thanking him for throwing her a birthday party. Apparently she never had one and spent every birthday talking to a psychic and watching 16 candles. I love Taylor. Anyway Ryan says he wants something in return for a birthday party and that he expects to “have his way with her.” Oh Ryan you’re funny when you’re funny. She says “funny to think about all of this ending… you going off to Berkeley.” Ryan says that’s 6 months away and starts to eat the croissant as a diversion. Or maybe he is just not paying attention to Taylor talking about impulsive jumps into the unknown. Taylor is trying to make him say he loves her. She says it’s her birthday and she’s getting sentimental – some excuse. She’s really nutso.

Kaitlin shows up downstairs wearing a terrible outfit to find Kevin Sorbo and her mom cuddling in the kitchen. Gross. Kaitlin says she is never going to start barfing. She starts to make fun of Kevin Sorbo for being from jail. Then he says he got his bag from REI so it’s clean. Ha.

Julie marches Kevin Sorbo out for his job interview while Kaitlin gets ideas about looking through his bag for… what… stuff to incriminate him? Or maybe planting things to incriminate him.

Holly is being a total airhead talking to Kirsten at prenatal yoga. She is so annoying. “Hey hos, come here.” Kirsten is apparently stuck with the Newpsies. Holly says that they are going to let Kirsten into the club the Six-pack Pack for staying skinny while pregnant. These people are truly awful I can’t even explain. If you aren’t watching you just can’t know.

Summer shows up at Ryan’s to tell him that she’s taking Seth to an art exhibit sponsored by George. She scopes out what Ryan is getting Taylor for her birthday. Drops the “nothing is as romantic as the first time you tell someone you love them” and ryan immediately starts to figure it out. “I have an idea, why don’t you tell her you love her?” Smooth. Ryan knows what’s up. Summer you are being decidedly unsubtle.

Kaitlin meets Frank at the mall. She says she doesn’t care that he went to prison, he’s just boring. He says she hardly knows him so she challenges him to say something funny. Kaitlin starts asking him about dropping the soap. She’s a real bitch sometimes. Kevin Sorbo is just asking for a chance.

Julie discovers all this weird clown porn in Frank’s bag, clearly from Kaitlin. There is such a thing as circus porn?

Summer and Seth are talking about the art at the environmental place. Seth doesn’t like the art cause it’s not arty enough and Summer is trying to get him to like it. She says to prove it by making his own movie. Hmm, I smell a plot.

Kirsten shows up at Sandy’s to say that the Newport people are awful. She says the young women are monsters. She doesn’t want to raise another child around this. Sandy says how about they meet his friend Spitz’ wife – that will make them feel better about Newport.

Ryan and Taylor watch some weird black and white movie while she tries to provoke him into saying he loves her. Ah apparently it’s the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She wants the hunchback to talk to Esmeralda bout how he feels and they could be happy for at least 4 years. Oh Taylor, seriously, take it down a notch. Ryan starts to say something……. And…. Nothing. He wants to rewind the last part of the movie. Did he do that on purpose? Hahahaha. His looks at her are really classic.

Now Taylor is writing letters to someone when Summer comes in. She says it’s the obituary for her relationship with Ryan – she’s telling the dean of Berkeley to give the scholarship to the next candidate. She says she wants to shoot him full of sodium penethol. Haha she’s really nutso. She thinks sometimes Ryan loves her but they just need to loosen his tongue. Summer has a plan. Trip to the wine cellar. I want a wine cellar.

Sandy peers out at Seth playing around with the sunlight. Ryan has just come back from a 9 mile run and Sandy detects a cry for help. Sandy tells Ryan that it’s ok for him to be scared. Not saying I love you is like saying you don’t love them. Sandy says for Ryan to just be honest and that will have to be good enough.

Seth is apparently filming the pool… or at least some funny blown up animals in the pool. And tells Ryan to go to Taylor’s for dinner.

Julie is challenging Frank about the clown porn and realizes that Kaitlin had planted the porn. She is all pissed at Kaitlin but Frank says that he can take it because he’s being hazed.

Summer doesn’t like Seth’s pool movie because he was lazy and chose the path of least resistance. He claims it was a satire but she knows the truth and tells him to find something better that he can get engaged in.

Kirsten and Sandy show up to Spitzy’s dinner with his wife who is supposed to reassure Kirsten about how people in Newport aren’t bitches. Turns out the woman is born and bred in Newport and essentially a slightly older version of Holly. People in Newport DO suck, viewers!

Taylor tries to force Ryan to drink lots and lots of wine. Very subtle, again. She says they can save the serious conversation for after dinner. Ryan is totally on to her. She wants him to try to see if he can taste the blackberries in the wine. Drink away Ryan. Dude Taylor don’t you know this kid drinks 7&7s?

This Carrie Spitz bitch is totally useless. She apparently still drinks tequila shots and acts like a total loser high school Newspie person. She hates her own baby sitting across the room crying with the nurse. Kirsten says she isn’t feeling well and wants to leave. This Carrie person sucks and tells Kirsten to call for baby advice and then calls them losers behind their back.

Taylor has gotten totally wasted while Ryan, thanks to the Atwood genes, is totally sober and carrying her ass up the stairs. She says “If I can’t get you drunk you’re never going to tell me you love me.” She says she shouldn’t not have rented Roger the homosexual or pretended to be a sleep therapist in order to get him. She starts to pass out and says “Goodbye, Ryan it was nice.” Then he calls her on pretending to sleep so that he will think she’s unconscious and tell her he loves her. And while she acts like a total drunk retard he says he loves her. Which is really the best time –better than the turkey moment in Friends. Taylor cracks me up. “Now we can go to Berkeley together!” And that officially freaks Ryan out a little bit.

Seth is videotaping Ryan now from a perch on a ladder. He says that the movie is about Ryan and his hidden emotions. Seth says “How does it feel to have Dean Hess’s sloppy seconds?” And wants to know what Ryan got her. He got her the love poems but Seth says “You might as well tell her that you love her” and Ryan confesses that was too late.

Meanwhile Taylor and Summer are debriefing the night. Taylor is hungover as all hell and says that they played the game “Drink” in her attempt to get him drunk. She says drunk, and he drinks. That works.

Now Taylor can’t really remember if he said it. So she needs to test and see if he actually said it and summer gives her the heads up about the totally romantic gift. And Seth is telling Ryan that he needs to sort of take it back by not giving her the romantic gift. Trouble is brewing.

Then Julie shows up and tells Taylor that she gave the mailman the letter from the counter to Berkeley and Taylor has to stop him. But he says once the letter does in the pouch it’s the property of the government. The post guy is totally going to give her the letter back. What a needless random subplot thing.

Frank shows up at Ryan’s to talk to him about how to win over Kaitlin the bitch. Ryan has no real suggestions. He still has the romantic love poems to give her. Taylor is still fretting.

Seth is videotaping everything and Sandy notices that Kirsten is sitting looking absentminded in the corner. Maybe it’s time to move, he says. But she says no since she wants Ryan and Seth to come home on holidays to their real house. Is this foreshadowing or just pointless filler?

Taylor is opening her gifts and gets a dictionary instead of the whole translated love poems thing. Taylor is on to him.

Julie is in the bathroom and discovers a page with Frank Atwood’s mugshot that says “This guy loves clown porn!”

Seth videotapes Summer talking to his mom about how she really wants him to get passionate about something since he seems kind of lost.

Julie finds Kaitlin to tear down all of the flyers about clown porn. Kaitlin really can be a real bitch sometimes. She says that she doesn’t think that Frank is going to stick around any longer because she doesn’t like people leaving her all the time. She says that she and Julie need to just be family by themselves for a while.

Ryan shows up to talk to Taylor who is crying in the corner. She is freaking out that he told her he loved her. He mentions that she said the Berkeley thing. She explains that she did it months ago before they started dating and that she needed to know how Ryan felt before she told him about the Berkeley thing. He says that planning to go to college together is a big decision and she says “Would you have said you loved me if you knew I’d gotten into Berkeley?” Hurt feelings all around but let’s face it it’s 6 months away doofus.

Taylor returns to the party where they are singing happy birthday to her with a freaking beautiful cake but she is clearly looking sad. Everyone knows something is wrong. Come on Taylor go for it. Ah well Taylor leaves and Ryan just looks perplexed as usual.

Ryan stumbles across Kaitlin who is looking depressed. This episode is kind of a downer. Kaitlin says by the looks of it they aren’t going to be brother and sister again, she didn’t want to rush into an insta-family and she was upset about it. Julie and Frank are arguing. Then Kaitin tells Ryan that if he doesn’t tell Taylor that he loves her, he’s an idiot. Julie agrees.

Seth shows Summer the video about her talking about passion. And he realizes maybe he should be a movie critic cause he likes watching them and saying what’s wrong with it.

Kaitlin and Julie have a family chat about how Julie told Frank that she needs a little space to spend with her daughter. Very mature of you.

Taylor is watching 16 candles and talking to the psychic. Ryan shows up with the real birthday gift. Which is way fancy. He apologizes for freaking out and says he really did mean that he loves her.

AND the earthquake starts. Oh my god this is a hell of an earthquake. It’s lasting for a really long time. Come on! No one get hurt! Shit, where is Kirsten and what is going on here. Kirsten is on the ground somewhere and Sandy finds her. And meanwhile every single place where they are looks like it’s collapsing – the light post is falling on Seth and Summer and Kirsten is trapped and the cabinet is falling on Ryan and Taylor, and the ice cream store where Kaitlin and Julie are is falling down. RIDICULOUS! So scary!!

I had to watch the preview on YouTube twice just to find out what the hell is going on: Who is “slowly slipping away?” What’s the deal with this? Is someone else going to DIE?! I can't believe there are only two episodes left.

OC Liveblog Episode 13 - the Case of the Franks

Taylor is freaking out because Ryan doesn’t want to do anything special for V-day. He says that V-day is really a recipe for disaster because they are weird. Taylor is worried that Ryan is preoccupied because she found a suspicious address by his bed. He says it’s not the address of another girl so she should be fine about it. But naturally she is not. She takes the address sheet.

Aaand goes to the place. And finds Ryan’s dad. He asks why she is here. She says she was basically stalking him because of what she found at Ryan’s and says she has emotional problems. Hercules wants to talk to Ryan and Taylor realizes that they both have emotional problems. Wants to get involved and have Ryan and his dad get along or something. Taylor thinks that maybe if Frank and Ryan get along Ryan will be happier.

Now on to pregnant Kirsten. She appears to be thinking about her past and Sandy says that he’s having flashbacks to her being pregnant with Seth. Kirsten is having a bit of an issue with this.

Bullitt shows up at Julie’s with roses still trying to persuade her to marry him. He says he didn’t make 900 million by being a pessimist and “Did I mention that there will be no pre-nup?” Keeps saying they are practically man and wife and says he can sum up their sex life with one world: “Bang.” “I can’t wait to take you down to Chinatown.” Wow.

Kaitlin says “sup nerd” which is awesome. They go off to play ping-pong. Bullitt calls her Peanut. Julie continues to be impressed by Bullitt bonding with her daughter. She asks to drive the Ferrari and he agrees in a fatherly way. Come on, Julie, marry the Texan!

Summer and Seth are discussing the extinction of the sea otters. Seth points out that Valentine’s Day is in two days and summer has apparently forgotten. They head over to a psychic who says “Rhode Island” and turns out to be right. Psychic says that Summer should beware falling objects and she’s going to be on the news with Justin Timberlake. The woman says Summer’s destiny is with someone named George. This is bad. A skateboard almost falls on top of summer. Oh psychics!

Taylor and Ryan are at a nice dinner and Ryan says “This has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day right?” Turns out no, it just has something to do with his dad who he never wanted to see again. Ryan isn’t that mad at her even though she totally meddled in his business. They sit down to dinner. Ryan calls Taylor a bulldozer. She kind of is.

Back with Summer, she is getting pics of Sandy and Kirsten for a famous couples collage. This turns into a how did Sandy and Kirsten feel right but Jimmy and Kirsten didn’t? BAD flashbacks with really 80’s-fied versions of Jimmy and Kirsten. Kirsten says if Summer is meant to be with Seth it will happen.

Back with Frank, Taylor is chatting chatting chatting and tells Frank he is ruggedly handsome. Realizes that he is in love with someone. Then Bullitt shows up and Taylor and Ryan realize that Frank and Julie were a couple. Bullitt totally makes Frank feel bad by being all up in Julie’s business. What if Julie and Frank were meant to be? Taylor wants to try to get them together. Ryan says that Julie deserves better.

Kirsten browses through the picture book. Wow, none of these people look like anyone in reality. Except for that fabulous picture of Sandy and Julie and all of them together with kids.

Kirsten was apparently once going to go to USC. With Jimmy Cooper. Ridiculous. Oh Kirsten, get over your shit. Sandy shows up and Kirsten LIES about what she was looking at. And then Sandy looks in it and finds all the pics of her and jimmy. Puzzling isn’t it.

Seth looks up and finds evidence that he and Summer were meant to be. It’s the poem Summer read in school. Spring 1998. Seth as a kid is ridiculous: “Only 11 months and 6 days until The Matrix comes out.” Hilarious.

Summer as a little girl is super cute although looks nothing like Rachel Bilson. And Seth looks vaguely like that kid from Can’t Hardly Wait. Has teeth like real Seth.

Taylor shows up at Julie’s and starts the whole discussion. What’s there to mull over about Bullitt? She starts to provoke her about Bullitt getting older and Julie still having to have sex with him. Then Taylor just says “Admit it you have got it bad for Frank Atwood.” And Julie says she is staying with Bullitt. Taylor says Julie is different now because she can no longer marry for money. Julie says she wouldn’t put Ryan through that since he’s been through enough because of her and then Taylor explains that Ryan is actually worried about Julie.

Summer is watching the news and she and Justin Timberlake are on the same program. She is freaking out about being whisked away by George. Seth busts out the mermaid poem all framed and pretty. Summer explains that she didn’t actually write the poem. Then there is a flashback to Summer already being kind of a ho and talking to a very nerdy Taylor Townsend. Taylor already wrote her poem for their assignment and Summer did not. Summer persuades Taylor to give her the poem in exchange for Taylor coming to Summer’s b-day party. Ah, intrigue of the 5^th grade time.

Seth says “This mermaid poem is our roots, it’s our mythology.” But Summer says what if we are each other’s Jimmy Cooper? The one before the one. What if we are not destined to be together?” Seth starts to think as well. Doubting Thomases!

Julie shows up to Ryan’s place of business to talk to him about his dad. He is glad that it’s over, but Julie wants to tell Ryan that she knows a bad guy when she sees one and his dad isn’t one of him (meanwhile what is his mom doing? Isn’t she an alcoholic somewhere?). Ryan calls Taylor to ask about “the Frank and Julie plan” and they plan to get Frank and Julie together and screw poor Bullitt. Then Taylor turns around to find Kaitlin listening. Ooh this is war. Kaitlin says she is playing for team Bullitt and Taylor and Ryan are on team frank. Haha, then Kaitlin herself says “It’s war, bitch.” Nice.

Kirsten shows up at Seth’s to give him pancakes for V-day. She apologizes for babying Seth but she’s feeling motherly. Seth says he is worried that the things that happened to them when they were kids are a sham and he might be the Jimmy Cooper. Kirsten says to focus on the real summer, not the one he worshiped in grade school. She says she thinks he’s found his Sandy Cohen. Seth wants to know why she and Jimmy broke up. She evades. YOU ARE AN EVADER! God damn you Kirsten. Back to a flashback. She says her heart just doesn’t feel right. Woke up and decided to change her life apparently. These flashbacks are annoying – they keep flashing all weird. Kirsten decides she wants to go to Berkeley instead of USC, thank god that happened. Now she is in a doctor’s office. Pregnant are we? Abortion possibly? Interesting. Not so surprising.

Summer talks to the bunny about her future. Someone comes from an organization called G.E.O.R.G.E. – something about greenhouse emissions. They want to offer her a job. Summer freaks out and realizes that it’s her real destiny.

Kaitlin coaches Bullitt on marrying her mom. He says they need a plan with a spectacular V-day date. Emerald earrings aren’t gonna cut it – they need planes instead.

Taylor coaches Frank on the “emotion card” – he says to say what he loves about Julie but he can’t because he’s an Atwood and can’t really articulate his feelings. Taylor tries to get him to dig deeper. Frank says they are from the same world – you mean the inland empire!??!

Kirsten and Sandy are out for dinner and Kirsten is hardly eating. Sandy is being patient given the whole Jimmy Cooper picture box thing. Come on Kirsten, you just had “a procedure” as they say on TV.

Kaitlin is wearing a Team Bullitt t-shirt. Taylor has apparently tracked down Kaitlin by activating the GPS on her phone. Ryan is now trying to persuade Julie to meet Frank. Julie says in another life she’d go with Frank but instead she goes in the limo, but actually Taylor was in the limo. They totally made Julie go with Frank! How strategic, but where did they get the money for the limo? Ryan tells Kaitlin “That’s war, bitch.” She starts crying. Nice try, Kaitlin. She says she is going to follow the decoy limo and now Ryan is following her. Taylor turns around when they hit a hotdog stand and Julie realizes something is … not quite right. Taylor continues to coach. Frank says “This is a testament to where we came from and I wanted this to be about where we are going.” Ah Frank. He says he loves the real her. He shows her an engagement ring. This is sort of a cruel scenario for all involved. Julie gives back the ring when Kaitlin shows up. She says she only has one daughter left and she loves Bullitt even if Julie doesn’t. I still don’t know what any of this really means. She says sorry Frank. Now Ryan is sad too. Wow people make decisions like this really fast.

Sandy as a kid is cute. Wow Kirsten is a real Newpsie as a college student. How cute are they! Without Mondale there would be no Kirsten and Sandy Cohen.

Seth admits to Summer that he put way too much stock in the poem. Because Summer is actually better than the fantasy Summer. She fights for sea otters, she has a bunny, she has evolved. He says they have been dating for 950 days and “yes I counted the Zach era, because who are we kidding” – excellent point my friend. That’s almost three years! Anyway. Summer says she met George and it turns out it’s a trip around the country on a bus telling college kids to vote. She’d have to defer a year at Brown and isn’t sure that they could see each other during that time. He is her destiny just not her only destiny. And then she gives him an epic couples through time poster. She says hopefully someday they can go in the middle. Ah, cheesiness.

Kaitlin wants to tell Julie was Bullitt’s surprise is – a plane ready to take her anywhere in the world. Does Julie want to go to the inland empire?? Ah Kaitlin, you know the truth now. Julie just isn’t in it for the money anymore. Kaitlin gets out at the plane by herself. Is she wearing heels? I’m confused she looks taller than usual. Katilin says to Bullitt “I know I asked you to be my step-dad but do you mind just being my friend instead?” Bullitt I guess will have to settle. He says “Peanut, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Nice.

Taylor and Ryan and Frank are hanging out at the hotdog stand. Ryan says he’s sorry things didn’t work out with Julie and Frank says he’s happy to be sharing ice cream with his kid. Taylor is just proud she got ONE couple together. And then the limo shows up with Julie and some nice happy indie music in the background. Julie says she is having the strangest craving for a corndog. Ok so like, where are they going to live and how are they going to work?

Ryan suggests to Taylor that they hop in the limo and go down to the beach and she is happy with this as their date. I love how they are just DRIVING the limo. Taylor calls Ryan Jeeves. How nice.

Nice ending shot of Julie and Frank with heart balloons in between them.

OC Liveblog Episode 12 - The Groundhog Day

Enter Taylor looking suspicious. Hovering in some darkish area and whispering on the phone like she’s hiding from someone. She’s on the phone with Caitlin who asks her if she’s going to “Kirsten’s thing” – apparently Kirsten is turning 40. Taylor says she isn’t going.

Taylor is creeping out the business owners in the mall by looking at things with binoculars and the security guard kicks her out. Apparently (no surprise here) she is watching Ryan at work.

Back at the Cooper-Cooper-Roberts-Townsend house, Julie explains to her daughter that she is broke because she left New Match (she and Kirsten are better friends than business partners). Julie gets a phone call which causes her to speak suggestively to whoever it may be on the phone. Apparently she misses him. A strange wailing sound causes her to go outside – it’s Summer’s friend Che. Why is Julie still responsible for Summer (and therefore Che)? I’m so confused. Summer busts in on Che wailing and doing the I Ching to find out the mysteries of the universe. He explains that in his dream his soul mate was revealed to him.

Che wants to free Newport Chuck, the Newport groundhog (they have groundhogs in southern California?). Summer doesn’t want to be involved since that’s how she got kicked out. Che is a leetle suspect and tells Summer “You know besides getting kicked out of college, I’d never do anything to hurt you?” Uh, sure.

Ryan, Seth and Sandy are headed out to a craptastic movie with people eating each other or something. As soon as they leave the house, Kirsten picks up the phone and calls the doctor. Suspect again. There’s a lot of suspicious activity going on in this episode.

How I will miss these shots of the hillsides of Newport houses over the ocean.

What – Kevin Sorbo is in this episode? God damn it.

Seth wakes up to see Che in his bedroom urging him to go save burrowing animals. Che pounds on the bed. Seth says, “I’m glad I don’t sleep naked.” The question is, is CHE glad? (I really can’t believe Che is still on this show.)

Caitlin and the Luke brothers sit around while she tries to “close the deal” between Bullitt and Julie. She’s been pulling a parent setup for a month now via e-mail. The internet is so tricky in its anonymous ways.

Sandy comes up to the pool house to try to cheer Ryan up and have one of his famous pep talks. Ryan is mopey in a sort of absentminded way, a nice break from the usual mope-age. He says he isn’t “Sitting around missing Taylor if that’s what you’re asking” and then Sandy promptly takes off. Leaves Ryan flipping through his Taylor memory book.

Taylor hits up a shrink – about time. Naturally she does it in a Taylor way – she just sort of show sup after doing some research and decides this is the right shrink and then launches into it. This is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone on this show voluntarily seek help for any kind of problem. How refreshing. She says that she is suffering from an emotional addiction and says her mom is like “Idi Amin with fake boobs – you know big on the torturing and the tyranny not so big on the nurturing.” Since then anyone who shows the slightest bit of kindness throws her into a big obsessions spiral. There’s the French guy story, and then the Ryan situation. She confesses that she “kind of” stalks people she likes and logs their activities in a “factually accurate and aesthetically pleasing scrapbook.” This shrink has “aggressive methods” for fixing people.

Julie is planning on selling all the paintings she and Dr Roberts had because “times are tough.” Can’t she sell the house? I’m still confused about Dr Roberts’ random exit from the scene. Caitlin kind of spills the beans on Bullitt and the e-mails and Julie sort of slipped up and made a comment about her boyfriend “not being a billionaire.” A.k.a. being Frank Atwood, lllllllame. Caitlin gets a bouquet at the door for her mom that says “Can’t wait till tomorrow, miss you already.” Suspicion again.

Kirsten shows up at the doctor and says she’s been feeling drained and weak and light-headed but doesn’t have any stress and hasn’t been drinking. She has a very prominent vein in her forehead.

Down at the mall, Seth says he’s not going to help Che steal Newport Chuck. Aww, isn’t he cute! (Get my reference?) The music is a loose riff on Groundhog Day, I would like to point out. Seth kind of gives in to Che’s thieving plan because Che helped him save his spirit animal and all that.

Caitlin calls Bullitt to tell him there’s a problem with her mom and the whole plan. He wants to meet her at the jewelry store. Not more of this. (I already know too much about this week’s worth of TV, what is it, V-day fever, can we please not put a proposal on EVERY show?) Caitlin okays the whole proposal plan.

Taylor is tossing all the Ryan memorabilia like valet tickets and toothpicks. This is very Tai in Clueless. Summer tells Taylor that if she likes Ryan and he likes her, they need to figure it out together without the therapist. Taylor says that if she doesn’t do this cleansing process she’ll lose Ryan anyway, so this is better than the other alternatives. Go Taylor! Be down with your bad self.

Caitlin shows up at the mall to meet Bullitt (I assume) and runs into Ryan. He asks about Taylor and Caitlin says that Taylor’s been even weirder than normal. Sandy says that “the guy in Carson lost it” whatever that means. Caitlin hides until she sees Bullitt with the most expensive ring. “Well I bought it, and your momma deserves it.” Bullitt and Caitlin are a hilarious combination.

Che apparently brought his VW bus with him from Providence (why isn’t he in school again? And why does he have a car that creates so many greenhouse gases?). He tells Seth that they need to break into City hall and yesterday on the city hall tour he spotted a weak spot on the roof. Says that the City Hall tour is actually quite good. Brief cute convo between the two about how Seth was always curious about the tour. Che climbed Denali last year so climbing onto the roof will be totally easy. Seth comments that the heard the groundhog was captured in Irvine and I still don’t think groundhogs exist in southern California. Che suggests a snowcone and Seth goes for it and then says “My favorite flavor’s cherry but my dad’s is blueberry” which I think is straight from last week’s episode? I get confused with all the self referentialism.

Doorbell at Ryan’s which he opens to discover the shrink with the box of Ryanisms from Taylor. Shrink then takes off. Sorry, not a shrink, she’s an emotional crisis manager. The shrink says that Taylor isn’t supposed to have direct contact with Ryan for a week. Taylor passes messages to the shrink about how he needs to trust her for a while because this is the best thing. You know, when you take a patient that isn’t supposed to talk to their obsessee to his house it’s a good idea to do it in car that’s not a convertible. But that might just be me. Maybe I could start an aggressive emotional crisis management business.

Seth and Che in all black with carabiners and ropes and shit steal the groundhog from city hall. Which apparently has no alarms on the roof or anything. Apparently Che accidentally locked the door to the roof and left the ropes inside, thereby screwing them over. Now, post commercial break, they are on the roof, it’s morning, Seth is asleep next to the groundhog and Che is doing like tae bo or something. He says he has been meditating over a dream. This is the second time they have spent the night together. “Does that mean anything to you?” Seth says “You’ll be going on your little adventures by yourself from now on?” Che says that the universe sometimes wants shit to happen and you don’t have a choice about it. He needs to tell Seth something. The cops come up to the roof and catch them.

Kirsten refuses a big breakfast and Sandy thinks it’s just about her whole birthday turning 40 kind of thing. It’s not so bad, the kids are going to be gone soon and they’re going to be like kids again. Ryan interrupts right when Kirsten is about to say something to Sandy about, you know, being pregnant or something. Sandy is having no luck with this phone calling Carson thing. Kirsten wants to hear whatever it is the doctor has to say in person.

Caitlin calls her mom (just leaving the spa, does she understand the concept of saving money) and asks “What does it feel like when your appendix bursts?” Julie freaks.

Taylor has a very cute coat. They are at the Groundhog Day festival, apparently quite early in the morning (at least I assume from my extensive knowledge of the groundhog festival in Punxsutawney that these things happen early). Caitlin accidentally runs into some guys dressed like groundhogs… sees Ryan and Sandy walking through the park and gets some strange idea… what is this all about.

Julie runs home to find Caitlin standing in the middle of a bunch of flowers all over the house. Nice try though. Caitlin plays whatever music it is that Bullitt has brought back from Dubai or whatever and gets down on his knee. Caitlin looks very expectant and Bullitt already looks worried. Caitlin needs to stop wearing so much eyeliner and so does Julie. Why is Caitlin so into this? Bullitt wants to know what about those e-mails? They are officially onto Caitlin now.

Summer is at the groundhog festival and sees the groundhog getting walked by in a cage. She gets a call from Che – the groundhog looks so sad why didn’t Che rescue him? He says he got caught by the man and that summer needs to save him. Che, looking at Seth in the jail cells, says sometimes our destiny is chosen for us. Summer is on the mission. Seth is pissed. He gets pushed out of the way of the phone by some other weird guy.

Summer impersonates a reporter from “Groundhog’s Day Weekly, which comes out once a year usually around Groundhog Day.” She is doing some recon work.

Caitlin tells her mom that she knows Julie is seeing a mystery man. Caitlin says she likes Bullitt because he loves Julie and is a really nice and funny guy. And that’s why she was emailing. “He’d make an amazing step dad.” A wise one, this one. Caitlin wants to know what Julie is going to tell Bullitt, and Julie wants her to tell him the truth. Caitlin says she needs to decide fast cause she is taking him with her to Kirsten’s party.

At this moment we see Kirsten enter her house looking kind of burned out. Gets a call from Julie who needs her help. She doesn’t know what to do since Bullitt proposed but she’s been seeing someone else in secret. Kirsten is totally wiped and says she’s going to lie down. What is this really all about? (I already know I’m just going with it.)

Julie is disgruntled and Kirsten is just weird.

Sandy says “That was a guy at the junkyard in Chatsworth – he’s got one and it’ll be at the Newport club within an hour.” GOT ONE WHAT?

Mysterious groundhog sneaks up on Ryan and Sandy talking about the whole Taylor situation. Very smooth, Taylor. You are seriously a stalker. Sandy gets another call and leaves Ryan sitting on the bench looking unsuspecting. Groundhog Taylor turns around and trips and loses her groundhog head. She runs away saying “Forget you ever knew me.”

At the jail, Seth and Che watch on TV as the groundhog gets jacked by someone wearing a groundhog suit. Awesome. The groundhog is missing but they think that they have captured a woman who is the kidnapper. Seth tells Che his dad should be there soon. How many times has Sandy bailed people out? Che tells Seth that he hasn’t been honest with him. He says that he had a dream where his animal self was in love with…

And then a groundhog walks into the jail. Takes off the head. And is not Summer! The music starts that indicates that perhaps this is his soul mate! It’s not an otter but a groundhog that Che loves and this chick is totally the groundhog thief and they are MFEO. Hot. There is a bit of a dance between the jailbars and che pets the groundhog girl which is… um… a bit too plushies and furries for me.

Che and Seth get bail posted but Che is going to sit there and pet the groundhog girl. Again, so weird.

Back to Kirsten looking mopey. Can she meet Sandy at the yacht club instead of him picking her up? She is disappointed but you know, he had to post bail for his son and all that (she doesn’t know that). She gets a knock on the door and opens to find a chauffeur to go to the yacht club. Well then.

Outside the yacht club Seth explains that the universe sometimes makes you do things like steal groundhogs. Seth says that this is probably the proudest moment of Sandy’s life for Seth to be arrested for political activism. Kirsten arrives and hopes that Sandy didn’t do anything too extravagant. OH MY GOD HE GOT A MAIL TRUCK!!! That is adorable. Her real present is first class tickets around the world… not bad right? Kirsten says he needs to talk to him in private. Dum dum dum. Nice concealing body wrap, Kirsten. She tells him that she went to the doctor and she’s sick “but only in the mornings.” She’s pregnant, WTF. Seriously, people. Kirsten says “Everything is going to change.” They are never going to be able to be playful adults.

Bullitt now knows that Caitlin wrote all those emails and that he last one (about butts) was “a little frisky.” Julie tells Bullitt no. She says they need to spend time together and if they like each other then maybe she can marry him. Oh Julie. Wiser. Cute dress Caitlin.

Ryan and Seth find out the truth about the whole pregnancy sitch. These heartwarming Cohen family moments… Are they standing next to an airport? I’m so confused.

Summer sends the groundhog off with the weird groundhog girl and Che. Apparently Summer actually stole it an the other girl got busted for it but doesn’t care ‘cause now she knows Che. Che departs with the hippie chick and tells Seth “Maybe in another lifetime.”

Taylor crashes on her bed very upset about this whole situation. Picks up the phone and it’s someone going “Oh yeah what are you wearing?” in a fuzzy stalker voice on the phone. He says he needs a little more practice and then Taylor says that’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done. They are so cute.

Julie is at the party looking mopingly at her phone and watching Bullitt dancing with Caitlin. Come on Julie do the right thing! I never though I would want Bullitt to say on this show. She looks sad to see all the other happy couples. And then she gets on the phone to Frank Atwood and says she won’t be making it tonight. It’s the best thing for her family, see. Oh and we are so surprised to see Frank Atwood in this hotel room. Kevin Sorbo I hope you got paid for OH MY GOD HE HAS A RING TOO!! THIS SHOW IS SO RIDICULOUS!

Only 4 episodes left… I am so sad about this.

I want to do this:

Stanford Alumni Creative Writing Retreat
Thursday, May 3 through Sunday, May 6
Stanford Sierra Camp
Fallen Leaf Lake
Price: $983 for Stanford Alumni Association members; $1058

Escape from the rush of daily life and cultivate your desire to write! This first-ever program was carefully developed to provide a congenial, supportive, inspirational and casual atmosphere along with a professional, hands-on, substantive writing agenda that will allow you to realize your creative writing potential. This unbeatable Stanford program includes instruction from outstanding Stanford faculty, including former Stegner Fellow Thomas Kealey; small group sessions; one-on-one faculty meetings; private lodging in your own cabin; and the gorgeous setting of Stanford Sierra Camp on sparkling Fallen Leaf Lake.

Jessica Joffe looks like Chloe O'Brian.

Discuss.

This is just so sad. You have to read all the Digg comments to really get how sad. I am coming to hate Digg. I started reading it because it's supposed to be this great model of user-rated content and all that, but it's actually a breeding ground for offensive, chauvinist comments. It's full of idiots and assholes and it makes me scared to be human. You think I'm kidding, well , like I said, read the thread.

I hate everyone.

OC Liveblog Episode 11 - The Dream Lover

I get it that Seth and Summer aren’t engaged but are they also not together? They clear it up right away when Seth worries about the “I don’t want to marry you elephant in the room.” Taylor freaks out about her 17 unreturned phone calls. The OC has really gotten good at this split screen flowingness of everything that is interrelated. Ryan and Seth are worried about calling Summer and Taylor.

Che flying out to save Summer from Seth. And Henri Michel keeps calling Taylor. I find it interesting that these two are friends now. Taylor worries that Ryan isn’t calling because Henri Michel still in town. Henri Michel is now inviting Taylor to move in and she is actually considering it because she doesn’t want to be a mooch… off of the same people. She wants to be mooch off of different people, and kind of needs a new (old) man to help her get over her Ryan angst.

Ryan awkwardly tells summer that he was waiting for Henri Michel to leave. Here we go with our good ol’ Sufjan (at least Sufjan style) music introducing Che back on the scene with yoga, figs (DELICIOUS) and knitting. This kid cracks me up. I really love him as a character now that he isn’t getting summer kicked out of school. Che explains that Seth has been emasculated which pretty much happened at birth I think. Either that or as soon as this show began, one or the other.

High fives always cover up awkwardness, like when the girl you asked to marry you asks you on a “romantic date.” And Che’s chi is apparently not working case he can’t read Seth at all.

David the photographer/Henri Michel has apparently made a career out of using ridiculous accents in bit parts on random TV shows. He worries about the American obsession with clothing. Taylor is thankful that Henri Michel is there before she and Ryan got any more serious. And she’s falling way too hard for this “j t’aime” bullshit.

Caitlin and the smart black kid are apparently making out a lot and defying stereotypes. Also attracting the attention of crazy psycho Asian band girl who is obsessed with him. She is a little too into the fact that she and Will are manning the rice Krispies table at the band bake sale. She is in fact terrifying. And Caitlin is now the object of crazy band girl’s new obsession which is even more terrifying and involves her fondling her clarinet like a knife (not what you thought I’d say, is it?).

Kiki and Julie hash it out over the phone about how Julie turned their business into a hooker ring. Julie is trying, as usual, and Kiki will eventually give in, she’s just busy being a bitch.

Ryan shows up at Taylor/Caitlin/Julie/Summer’s house (WHAT A POWERHOUSE!) to find that Taylor is at the Four Seasons with Frenchy. Who is buying her a house. Caitlin gives him the straight shot and tells him that he needs to amp up this win Taylor aback effort if he is going to beat the French guy. He needs to buy her something. ‘Cause words aren’t enough for girls (which is slightly true and slightly not).

Summer proves Seth she loves him with whiny records, Thai food and videogames in her room. Cause men totally fall for this shit. Seth certainly isn’t cause he’s kind of freaking out. Nice try, Summer.

Turns out Che was right about Seth’s aura and his animus and wants to fix him. “Let he healing begin.”

Sufjan is apparently present at times of ridiculous hippie talk. Not entirely accurate, but at the same time so awesome. Seth and Che are going on a hiking trip with Che’s harmonica and Seth’s broken spirit.

Che’s note to Summer: “Where is the iron butterfly in summer? Perhaps she needs to find her path as well.” Che, really, I love you. I do, I know everyone else hates you.

Ryan shows up at Henri Michel’s to find him sitting around listening to Frenchy music in a robe and Taylor out buying furniture. Kill me now. Ryan has brought the ugliest teddy bear gift ever. With gummy bears. I love how they keep referring to it as the Quik-e-Mart. Henri Michel walks off with the bear to write a poem. His accent is getting old real fast.

Kiki gets a call from the pimp who says that one of his “boys” has Chlamydia so everyone on their list who has had sex with him probably has it too and needs to be told. Clearly she is furious.

Caitlin gets ambushed in the bathroom by the bank geek girl who calls her a skank and says she’d kick her face in. “I happen to be going to 2^nd with the guy that you like.” Caitlin really has no fear, good call cause band people are fucking psychotic in this show apparently.

Taylor got back with the Frenchy fast. She tries to get out of napping with him by talking about hotel germs which is not persuasive to French people. Taylor tosses the bear and tells Henri Michel to tell her how much he loves her which he doesn’t want to do because like Hemingway he cannot “empty himself” before he does poetry readings or something.

Kiki calls Julie to figure out the whole Chlamydia thing and Julie uses it as her chance to blackmail her way back into the job. Truly Julie style.

Summer tries to win Taylor over to coming to her house with promises of food. Actually apparently Ryan made her do it because he needs to tell Taylor how he feels. Summer says “you don’t strike me as the coffee cart type” – good reference to a previous season there. Ryan realizes he needs to express his feelings and Summer is counseling him through it.

On the hiking trip, Che tries to teach Seth that it’s all about the journey. Enjoy the outdoors and all that. A detoxifying camping trip, just what a lovesick boy needs. Che explains that Seth’s spirit animal is trapped and sick and bringing Seth down. They have to live like animals in the forest in order to free/heal the spirit animal. They have to build a sweatlodge. Way to slap Che like that. Che tells Seth to grab some willow branches and that he “brought hides.” Really, I love it.

Taylor shows up at Summer’s only to find Ryan. She calls him a weasel. In a particularly lucid non-insane moment she explains that he hurt her. And Ryan says that what he feels is more important than what they have in common. And then he kind of breaks down here and gets a stuffed animal joke slapped in his face in retaliation. Taylor tells him that Henri Michel is writing a love poem and reading it at the bookstore. It is now Ryan’s turn to hit up the bookstore and stand on the espresso bar.

Che is breaking Seth by having him gather rocks. Where ARE they? I don’t think there is any wilderness like this anywhere near Newport.

The Chlamydia woman freaks out when Kirsten tells her about her diseases and threatens to go to her lawyer because they are running an “unclean operation.” No shit, woman you were paying for sex. You get what you get.

Summer tells Taylor that she felt bad for Ryan because he looks like a sad koala. She says she wants to start a nonprofit to save animals which is really quite awesome. Taylor is pissed at her because Summer betrayed her to get Ryan to come over. Summer says that she’s never seen Ryan buy anyone any stuffed animal and it’s probably the nicest gift he’s ever given. Way to lie, or rather, exaggerate the sad, sad truth, Summer. I love that girl.

Sandy gives Ryan more sage advice at the beach, really classic Cohen/Atwood family scene. Ryan says that being with Taylor is like being on a rollercoaster and he is afraid of heights but at least it’s exciting. We are full of references to previous seasons here. This is why this show is still brilliant. Sandy says “DO SOMETHING” which is, you know, the obvious answer.

Taylor runs home to the hotel to dig the bear out of the trash or as Frenchy calls it “the refuse.” He tries to convince her that it doesn’t matter. He says there’s no shame in wanting the gift because it reminds you of being adored but the problem is which does she want - the memento or Ryan? She says she want to be with someone who wants to be with her. And who can say it. This is Ryan’s problem.

Seth and Ryan appear to have been in the sun this entire episode although other people have gone through nighttime. Weird.

Finally it’s night for Seth and Che are heating up rocks for the sweat lodge when Seth reveals he ate some berries. Which won’t be a problem…“yet,” Che says.

At the band thing, Crazy Asian girl tells a story about Will and his drums to Caitlin. Caitlin says that girls like her are not welcome there. What is a girl like Caitlin exactly? Will sides with Caitlin on the fact that the hats are lame, and then the sad Asian girl runs off to the bathroom to cry. She really is annoying and not sympathetic but Caitlin’s heart is melting cause it does that.

Che is chanting around the fire. Seth says he feels like he’s sharing a sauna with Blue Man Group. Then Che mentions “Journey” and Seth says in a daze “Ryan likes Journey.” Another awesome reference to a previous season. He seems to be going into a trance and ends up in his house in a sort of strange bluey house. Is it his house? He is totally on something! Must be the berries. I love drug use on this show. This episode and the one from Chrismukkah are awesome in this whole trance thing. Seth shows up in his backyard to find a seal or otter. It is his animal! He says he’s going to take care of him and take him to the ocean to do otter things. I love that there is an otter on this show. Seth does funny otter noises at the otter. Che totally just induced a berry-sweat trance and Seth just healed his animal’s spirit. Che wants to know about his animal. Seth says “it was so cute – it was this otter.” Che looks a little weirded out. What is it about the otter that makes Che so freaking giddy? This is so weird.

Henri Michel at the bookstore reads a silly poem about the peche and all these women are in love with him. I never got the appeal of Frenchmen. Oh god, Ryan busts out some kind of poem as well. He is about to stand up on a chair and give his speech. Henri Michel is kind a dick to him and points out the whole crowd standing there. Ryan’s poem is:

A sonnet I don’t know how to write
A haiku five seven five seems too tight

Taylor picks up the poem and reads it herself. It ends: “Though I can’t say these words to you tonight, please stick with me because I feel someday I might.” And even the geeky bookstore lady is kind of impressed. Turns out Henri Michel left cause he wisely realized that he probably shouldn’t be there.

And then Taylor runs off! What the hell! Taylor! No! This is not you! You left the Frenchman!!

They discover the pimp at the store and Kirsten realizes that no one actually had Chlamydia and it was all an elaborate plan on Julie’s part. Julie wants the bitchy ones to think they have STDs and Kirsten wants them to know the truth. But they are friends again because that’s the way these things go.

Caitlin hits up the bathroom to find the little annoying Asian girl. I quite like Caitlin’s outfit this time around. She finds the sad band girl to apologize. The band girl freaks out because she says Caitlin is making Will not want to be himself. And she has been in love with Will forever. Apparently this is supposed to be Caitlin’s realization but it’s not, because actually the band girl is an idiot and Caitlin clearly is better for Will than those crazy psycho band obsessed chicks. Will is just a cooler band guy. Either way Caitlin leaves because she feels like she should I guess.

Taylor finds a note from Henri Michel that says he doesn’t want to be alone in love and he returns the teddy bear. What will she do?

Kiki tells Sandy that she is at dinner with Julie and she hates her but she is the best friend she’s got. For better or for worse I guess?

Caitlin is with Will at the beach and she screws it all up by calling him the king of the dorks. Oh Caitlin - she’s just like her sister she sabotages EVERYTHING. Way to be a bitch. When she does this she looks a lot like her mom. Julie Cooper must have given her some acting tips.

Che sits on the counter in the Julie Cooper house and confesses that he had a dream where he was a frog who found real love with an otter. Oh shit man.

Seth says he saved his inner otter so he is ready to love again. Otters are so cute, Summer says! She wants to start a foundation to save sea otters. Seth and Summer continue to be adorable.

Taylor shows up at Ryan’s. Henri Michel is gone, thank god. Taylor says that Henri Michel understood even better than she did that she could never love him. She says that it’s scary how much she needs to hear people say they love her. But she doesn’t want Ryan to say it to her because she doesn’t think she should be with anyone until she is stronger on her own. What a cop out. This always happens. But Ryan gets it I guess. Taylor, you are pretty strong.

Ryan is looking rather beefcakey in this scene. It must be the hair? Or the angle? Taylor leaves him sitting outside the poolhouse staring at the fire. So sad. Ryan you will find love one of these days.

Che sits around the house staring at a picture of Seth. This is officially the weirdest thing ever.

OC Liveblog Episode 10 - The French Connection

We start with an incredibly sad moment where they show the fact that they only have 7 episodes left. I really am very sad about this. I need to think of a way to appropriately commemorate the passing of the OC. Any ideas?

They keep playing songs that sound like covers of old songs – like of Beach Boys and stuff like that. But this is just the OC being indie.

Taylor shows up to Ryan’s work with a “perfect Valentine’s day” present which is basically a record of her stalking – a scrapbook. They have the lamest kisses on this show. What 19 year old kisses like that on a regular basis? MAKE OUT! Seriously as soon as people are in relationships on this show they never do anything interesting.

Taylor’s French husband has published his book “A Season for Peaches” which is apparently about Taylor being seduced by the Frenchman. Wow, these books get written, published, and translated fast. Clearly no one in the writers room researched the publishing industry.

Ryan sends Seth off to Seattle to Dr Roberts but Seth thinks its going to be an easy out – that Dr Roberts will refuse to let him marry Summer so he’ll be good to go.

I love Taylor’s nice ref to Michiko Kakutani. She would read the Times Book Section. Apparently Taylor is worried about Ryan reading the peaches book because she doesn’t want him to know what she did with the Frenchman. She slips the fact that they could never make a movie about it because it would be rated X or something.

Julie is still carrying out the whole prostitution thing, arguably because Frank Atwood told her to. She really cannot maintain any lies.

Summer is reading modern bride, a woman after my heart. She is also apparently reading the season for peaches book and says it’s dirty – a comment that naturally sends Taylor off on her whole defending healthy sex drive thing. Wow, apparently page 47 is amazing. Oh shit, Ryan tells Sandy about how Peaches is Taylor. Sandy is just kind of letting that go.

Caitlin and the band guy are studying together which is kind of cute and stuff. He talks kind of funny. Why?

“Ergo, dorko.”

Whatevskies. Good lord.

Summer hangs out with the local bridezillas (aka the engaged and underage of Newport) to see if she can handle being one herself. Holly, quote: “Oh my god, totally, bitch. You work out in the morning, meet the girls for lunch, and then you shop. We call ourselves the Newpsieweds.” Oh my god I cannot take this especially as I suspect aspects of it are true!!!!!

My realization of who the Peaches Frenchman is: OH MY GOD IT’S TOTALLY DAVID FROM FELICITY!! Also from 24! (Annotation after the fact: David is the photographer from Felicity who she does not give mono to, who is the son of her art teacher, who ends up breaking up with her – I think – because of Greg the annoying guy who works at the health clinic where Felicity organizes the “There’s got to be a morning after” campaign. Also, David briefly played an assassin in Season 1 of 24, with a bad Russian accent. He has moved on to bad French accents.)

At this point I pause to discuss my bad typos with Kelly. I seriously cannot be coherent in these things. If they were unedited you would have no idea. Really though I wish I saved drafts –just to show process or something.

Taylor shows up at Ryan’s and discovers that he has read the damn book. Turns out Ryan met the husband at the bookstore (ok I was there) and he felt like he had to read. So he walks out on Taylor and leaves her there.

Seth shows up at Dr Roberts’ and starts babbling about how “when the world zigs, we’re gonna zag.” He pretty much fucks it up from the beginning, on purpose, obviously. “They do exist,” he says upon Dr Roberts mentioning a man being impaled by a unicorn. This is after all Seattle, home of Meredith Grey, 8 million dollar inheritances, women with two uteruses, Elvad wires, etc. (How do you spell Lvad wire – does it even exist?)

Taylor confronts the Frenchy David. He doesn’t like sunshine because it’s banal and doesn’t like bathing because it’s bourgeois. I think it’s hilarious that he calls her Peaches, and in such a bad accent. David you have been floundering in bad TV shows for too long. Also he calls Ryan a cornfed farmboy.

Kirsten is onto Julie’s whole prostitution thing and doesn’t want Julie to “jeopardize her job.” Kirsten jacks her phone while she’s off for a lunch date. Up to something.

I love that Summer carries her bunny with her to the newpsiewed thing. “Hos, this is Summer Roberts she just got engaged.” I will kill myself if I’m ever like that. They have fucking pocket dogs. Summer at least has a rabbit instead.

Wow, Summer really is being exactly like Bizarro Summer in the alt-world. She is super drunk and that makes her a total ridiculous person. “African babies, so cute.”

Caitlin and the guy are watching Cops. You two look cute together. “That cop, he just drove a car into a meth lab.” Caitlin do not corrupt this guy. Anyway apparently turns out the guy was looking forward to seeing the real Caitlin, but doesn’t realize she’s kind of the same in school and out.

I seriously love Taylor and her literariness – talking about Anais Nin on talk shows. The whole Taylor sex thing has kind of gone in a weird direction. Like sex addiction or something. DO NOT SPEAK FRENCH IN FRONT OF RYAN I DO NOT TRUST YOU!

Kelly says, “this is what Ryan does, he leaves.” This is kind of true (as he drives away).

Ryan reads some French philosophy early in the morning, making up for inadequacy and all that.

Whoa that was weird. Sandy for some reason burst into a weird Jeremy Lewis impression.

Julie realizes that Caitlin really really likes the band dork Will. She tells her that she has to try to fix the whole thing. She is a little nutso looking for her cell phone (just typed self phone).

Ryan goes to Taylor’s to confess that he wasn’t weirded out by the sex just by the intellectualism. Wow they really do have good sex.

Seth pushes the whole marriage thing until Dr Roberts says he doesn’t think Seth really appreciates summer. Looks like he has better luck provoking Seth than summer does because he totally just defended his love for her to his future father in law.

Apparently Che is Summer’s conscience. Not sure what is going on besides the Newpsie girls putting summer in their old wedding dress. She really is freaking the hell out.

Ah, Taylor you are so sexy when you are French. Ryan discovers that Taylor lied and told David Frenchy that Ryan writes papers about skepticism and Hume and such. Yeah right. Anyway so the point is that she lied. And meanwhile Summer has to rescue Pancakes from the crazy neo-Newpsies. (Annotation later: Yes, I made that term up all on my own. Also, Pancakes is Summer’s pet rabbit in case you forgot. And becoming an increasingly good name for my cat, now that I think about it. Oh! Maybe the fitting tribute to the OC is to name my cat after one of the characters – like Captain Oats or Pancakes or something!)

Ryan confronts Taylor about her lying and says that “they’re different” as though that’s a death sentence. He walks away and leaves Taylor to think about her actions.

Kirsten shows up at a hotel to pull a sting op. Turns out she stole Julie’s cell to cancel someone else’s appointment and take the woman’s place. Now she knows everything about the hooker operation.

At the Harbor School, Caitlin shows up to talk to the Will guy at some food/clothes for the homeless drive and tell him she likes him. All the homeless people are watching them (incidentally the same people from the Cohen family dinner for Thanksgiving who Caitlin is totally buds with).

Julie shows up to talk to Kirsten about the fact that she is running a prostitution ring. Kirsten cuts Julie off and says she won’t call the police or tell Sandy, but Julie has to leave the business.

WTF, Summer picks up the phone to find Che on the other side. Apparently he had a vision and needed to talk to her. He is crazy: “For two halves to be whole, each half must be whole on its own.” He sings a crazy ass song.

Now Ryan sitting by the pool in the dark, Sandy comes up to talk. Ryan doest know what’s going on with him and Taylor, and Sandy points out that he and Kirsten are really different too. Ryan says so how do you know if you’re good different or not? (Good question.) Sandy says at the end of the day you either focus on the good or the bad.

Summer tosses the bride mags right when Seth walks in. Summer is wearing a shirt that’s a little too 60s-70s for me. Seth confesses that he doesn’t want out. He really wants to stay engaged to her. It’s a someday engagement. Summer points out that she has no idea who she is. Wow, very runaway bride. She says she needs to figure herself out. And gives him back the ring because they may need it some day. Is this a breakup? I’m so confused.

Ryan looks at the Taylor photo album and realizes what he really wants. He runs up to the studio to get Taylor back! Yes! Sweep her off her feet in front of the fake Eiffel tower. Shit - that was just his imagination looking at the photo album. And Taylor also imagined it, despite sitting there talking to the Frenchy who wants her to stay and chat. Taylor, go home, do not talk to the ex-husband anymore. GO HOME! NO! Do not stay!

Only six episodes left…. Seth has to build a sweat lodge with Che!